DP talking to young women on Facebook (again)

[TheRocks]

Last year we had an incident where DP seemingly became obsessed with a young 20 something woman. Started messaging on facebook, bought her an expensive Birthday Present, tried to get her to meet up "for drinks" etc. Long story short, I stumbled upon it, told him I wasn't happy but as he pointed out he'd not actually done anything wrong. She was just a friend. There were no incriminating messages but the whole thing just seemed wrong iyswim? Anyway that stopped.

I stumbled across his open facebook page yesterday however and noticed it's started up again with another young 20 year old from work. Oh all very innocent stuff - "Hi Jodie, what hours are you working today? I'm 9-5 " / "I finish at 3 then going partying! yay lol" / "oh lucky! haha wish I was" / "ring in sick and go and get drunk instead haha" / "yeah think I might! I have a case of lager with my name on it lol" / "yeah go Jodie! haha "

Christmas DAY!!! "Hiya, did you have a nice Christmas?" / "yes thanks, did you? " / "bit boring when you're older haha" / "aww I doubt it! lol" / "wish I was 20 again!" / "It's not that great lol" / "I loved being 20, going out seeing gigs and exploring the world, I still see a lot of gigs now btw, I'm not as boring as I look at work, last gig I went to see ....... " / "Think I need to start exploring the world!"

Ok innocent enough but appropriate??? I don't know, something just doesn't seem right or am I being paranoid?? I notice he sent her another message 2 hours ago saying "do you wanna buy some cookies? lol " so private in jokes now as well.

Paranoid or do I have a problem here?

hes bored and looking for excitment next he will be out dipping his cock in everything that moves confront the bastard

38 isnt exactly old even compared to a 20 something

you need to start communicating OP and stop playing silly little games if you want to save what relationship remains

The thing is, he keeps on doing it so it's obvious he's not going to stop until he finds someone who says 'yes'. I know normal 20yo women aren't into sad, midlife-crisis men, but eventually he will find someone with low self esteem and a fucked-up idea of relationships who will agree- my ex is 38 and is now with a 21 year old (I mainly feel sorry for tbh). He needs to sort out whatever mental issue he has that is causing him to try to relive his youth rather than deal with the fact that he is an adult, and why he thinks it's ok to basically cyber-stalk young women for this. If he doesn't, then tbh you may as well dtmfa because he's going to end up cheating and the longer you leave it, the more upsetting it's going to be. Sorry.

Thanks for the replies. I don't believe for one minute that if someone did take him up on this flirting he would say "sorry, I have a partner" would he fuck.

The woman he was carrying this on with last year - the messages went on and on - she asked him if he was married - he said no, divorced. True - but wouldn't you have thought he would add on to this that since the divorce he had met someone else??

But no he was happy for her to believe he was single. Why would that be then?

He told her in the end but only because I'd stumbled across the messages and had it out with him and he made out he was going to tell her in his next message anyway . Anyway, we broke up for a while last year and this woman was the first person he told.

I've also noticed that since he started talking to this woman again (the one recovering from cancer) he hasn't mentioned the fact that we got back together after that break-up and she's under the impression he's still single.

(I do believe she's totally innocent in it btw, she often mentions her partner).

I'm going to finish it. Just don't quite know how or when, we have a big thing planned for tomorrow night which is a little awkward to get out of without letting other people down.

Sad. Sad. And sad again. Good luck.

I suggest you end it swiftly.

WRT age - I'm 23 and would have no problem dating a 38 year old man. I have dated slightly older.

However, a man with a partner who chats to me via facebook chat...? I'd find that very weird. Especially if he said 'lol' and appeared obviously desperate. No man of 38 should wish to be 20 again, it's just a bit pathetic really.

I would end it, to be honest, do you want to be snooping and second-guessing for the rest of your elationship? move on.

Think you're right to end it op. I'm on fb and have a few male ex fling friends. Always more friend than fling which is why I accepted their 'friend request'

2 of them are married with kids and I defriended 1 as he kept trying to talk to me about old times

My fb is always open and dp knows I have no secrets.

Your man is being pathetic and his behaviour is insulting

Good for you.

The fb chat isn't public to anyone though is it? I thought that was private? I've never seen anyones chat messages afaik?

Curious I don't think so no (hope not anyway?!) but I think the OP knows her STBEx's account details if I've read it correctly?

It was just something squeakytoy said at 16:34:17