Is him watching porn a big deal? Is he missing something with our sex life??!!??

[999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE]

I don't know what to think, we had never even d

Discussed the issue of porn, however I have found out that whilst I'm at work ( night shifts ) he regularly uses the Internet or those bloody babe station channels to get himself off to.
He says it's nothing to do with the women, it's just the sexual act or seeing the woman's body and that it's just a quick means to an end!
I feel quite sickened by it to be honest, and think he obviously isn't happy with our sex life.
He says all men do it and any that say they don't are lying.
He also says when he's watching g it he's imagining doing that stuff to me, that it's never about the girl in the film.
Am I being ridiculous?
I can honestly say porn has never been talked about with any I my previous partners!

You're going to get a mixed bag of responses here and some posters might be a bit irritable because this sort of thread is on a kind of repeat loop every few weeks. Have a read of the other porn thread that is 'live' at the moment.

He's wrong though. Not all men use porn and those that don't, aren't lying. Like women, more men are developing a political opposition to porn and are becoming more aware of the damage it causes.

I'm new here,
How do I search for the link? Thanks

Here you go:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1362766-Porn-How-do-you-honestly-feel-about-it

And welcome

I've seen many a post on here from guys who don't use porn, they flat out don't like it.
I watch it, I also watch it with my DW (regardless of the moral issues that surround the industry)

My advice: -

1. Don't beat yourself up over it, there ARE worse things.
2. If your not that concerned don't think about the moral issues that will be posted here.
3. He more than likely is fantasising about you as he watches
4. If you are prepared, ask him to find you both some to watch together. You may surprise yourselves.

Dons kevlar helmet and body armour and preapres for incoming fire over this reply.

If it upsets you and he carries on regardless then yes, it's a big deal.

Im well confused by it all.I used to be cool about porn,lap dancing etc. but since ive been on mn i think i shouldnt be iyswim? I like to think im a feminist but im obviously not good one.
That said if im honest i wouldnt like dh using porn to get off all the time cos i think he should be doing it with me but if he did id prefer not to know.
A lot of men would be better off being less open about their nocturnal habits.

Why did he tell you? We all masturbate but it doesn't need discussing with anyone imo.

Thanks for your input andy.
My head says, it's not real, it's visual, he doesn't have a webcam or anything like that so he's not involved to that degree which I would definitely class as cheating, he doesn't pay for it either, it's just those free sites or the free sky channels and never when I'm at home, just when I'm at work on a lo g shift ( 5 nights ) that it's just visual stimulation and he couldn't tell me the colour of their eyes if I asked!
But the jealous woman in me thinks BUT ITS ANOTHER woman he's masterbaring to!!
He has said he will stop if it upsets me and would much rather have a few pics or videos of me but I don't want to control someone over something that appears to be the norm.
But is the norm always right? I'm not so sure

He says it's nothing to do with the women, it's just the sexual act or seeing the woman's body and that it's just a quick means to an end!

That's true for many people...both male and female.

I enjoy porn...as does my DH but it's not about the actors, just the porn itself.

He didnt tell me, we have been together a happy 3 years ( on and off admittidley but that was my choice ) without my knowledge of it.
I used his computer and he had obviously forgotten to delete the history

Id say that if he wasnt using a pc he'd have "images" in his head anyway and they arent always of the partner.
I dont think its the end of the world but as its upset you it needs to be discussed.
Sorry i cant be more help,id be the same as you but not be sure why or if i should be more cool.

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE,

Your posts suggest that it is not something you approve of and you feel cheated, it's ok to feel like this, it's normal to feel like this if one half of a partnership is indulging (wrong word, sorry) and the other is not.
In this case he needs to respect your wishes and feelings.

I never said it was the norm, many men, as I said in my first reply despise pornography. PLEASE DO NOT THINK IT IS THE NORM.

Well I guess im just shocked more than anything, he's only had 1 other sexual partner apart from me and has always been very reserved in the bedrooom,
It's always me suggesting new things to be honest so I was very taken aback to see a whole load of lesbian/anal/threesome porn!

Yes but some people like to watch football...however they're not always interested in playing it.

Porn can be used as a simple stimulation just for the time you're watching it...then completely forgotten about until you watch it again.

Much the same as anything else on TV.

I guess, yeah

If he'd only had one other sexual partner before you, it might at least have started as a bit of curiosity; "I wonder what other women look like in the all-together, doing-it sort of way", and it might have then developed into a bit of an addiction for him. Might...

Yeah plus the fact he had used it for many years as a tool

I have had quite a lot of problems involving the internet and my DP.
However even though i wouldn't personally watch porn, I don't have a problem with DP watching it. Paying for it got me pretty bloody angry but we are just about past that.

I would say that as long as he is just watching it then let him do it. Because i'm assuming he's still having sex with you, and he still enjoys it, so no reason to stop him from watching it.
The only thing i will say is make sure it is just porn and he knows thats where it ends. It ruined me finding out that my partner was using chat sites and everything as well!

Here's your other current thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1368853-Should-I-believe-him-Re-dating-bloody-websites

Your two threads are linked by the issue of 'cheating' and that 'jealous woman' in you does not bode well for the future of your relationship with this guy - or any other, for that matter.

Yeah that was another concern, is that do men who use porn ever just stay just using porn or do they always wonder what more is there?
You have to pay for those chat sites though as far as I know and I do
Our finances, bank statements etc so I'd know if he was paying for any extra stuff

Izzy
What do you mean?
Would you say it was not cheating what happened is that why?

I've said on your other thread that IMO he could not be considered to be 'cheating' on you by taking up with another woman after you'd dumped him.

But the jealous woman in me thinks BUT ITS ANOTHER woman he's masterbaring to!!

It seems to me that you're fixated on him 'cheating' and if you don't rein in your 'jealous woman' he may take the view that he may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

Let's turn this around

Why do women always worry about whether their man is "satisfied" with them ?

OP, is your man the ride of your life ? Is he skilled, thoughtful, makes you come every time even if he sometimes has to do without?

Why is his sex life more important than yours ?

personally, I would find a porn user somehow lacking in the morals department, and he wouldn't do it for me

anybody who could "overlook" the misery this crap engenders, because their orgasm is more important to them, is not someone I want within 3 feet of me

so ask yourself the more important question...does this man, with his undoubtedly skanky habits, do it for you ?

Personally I think porn is a slippery slope. I wouldnt be happy in a relationship with a man who used porn regularly.

Yes, most people watch porn at some time in their life out of curiosity or whatever, but it simply is not true that every man has a porn habit.

And everything AF said.