More troubles

[skettle]

I know Ive posted many a whinge about my DP but this one is different... this time its not about the money etc...its about whether we would actually work as a couple. Here are a list of the things that went wrong last weekend, please tell me if its just a 'man' thing of if I have a point.

(For those that dont know, we dont live together, he comes to stay with me and my two boys once a fortnight...usually with no money).

First off, he came down with £16...he had earlier told me that he had £160 to last him the next 3 weeks.... that includes paying his credit card bill at £100. When he gets here he buys a jacket for £60 (he "needs one") and two DVD's...last week when he was here he bought a designer top in the sales and this weekend he spilt grease down it and wrecked it...he then wanted to go back and buy the same top again but had no money... I was going to offer to lend him the money so he could get it whilst it was still in the sale but I thought why should I? He's spent all his money on luxuries...I havnt spent anything on myself (in favour of paying bills and treating the kids), surely he has to learn that if he spends all his money he doesnt get any more treats?? but then he DID buy me a top in the sales a couple of weeks ago so was I being mean not lending him the money?

Secondly he's starting to get a bit 'above his stations' regarding my kids, he's decided that they need a 'crack' now and again (I dont smack) and has even slipt into doing it himself...not often but increasingly IYSWIM...He even started "squaring up" to my 4 year old when he was in a strop and throwing things, he actually stood there saying "come on then..." squaring up to him! am I alone in thinking this is wrong?

Thirdly, the week after christmas the roads were terrible...snow and ice and weather warnings saying not to use your car unless you had to...BUT DP came down and demanded that I drive us all to the city centre...I said I wasnt confident doing so (as he knows) so he went in a huge strop until I gave in, should I have been pissed off? I was...but then was I being a drama queen not driving in the snow to start with?

Fourthly...he comments on every woman that comes on TV and has even started doing it with women in the street..."did you see her nipples?" "her legs are gorgeous!" "You could tell she was cold by looking at her chest" "If her skirt was any shorter I would've swore she didnt have one on..."... at first I could cope but now Im getting sick of it, he talks to me like Im a bloke...its as if he wants my opinion on the girls he goes on and on about, is he being insensitive or am I just a prude?

Thats it for now....I will probably think of more probs later!

TIA

Hi,

If I dont reply to a thread for a while I'm not ignoring you all, I just dont get much time on the internet.

Thanks for all the replies, I spoke to him last night, firstly about smacking the kids and he promised he wouldnt do it again...whilst also telling me that he thought it was justified and he wasnt OTT in his treatment.

I told him he was wrong (to put it lightly) for squaring up to a 4 year old and he didnt understand why... just said he thought it would work! .

I told him about disrespecting my driving, patronising me telling me when to 'go' on a roundabout and pressuring me to drive in dangerous weather conditions... he said he's just trying to help me be more confident.

Remember me saying he had £160 to last the next 3 weeks before pay day and he bought a coat for £60 when he was here? well the other £100 was supposed to be to pay his credit card so from my mathematics that leaves him with £0 for the next 3 weeks right? so he's telling me he wont be able to take me out when he next comes down etc knowing that I never get to go out due to having the boys but do like to go out when they're at their dads (like next weekend!) but then goes on to tell me that he's off out to a car show in Birmingham and then a night out with some people from work!!

Anyway, all this is besides the point now, Its not going anywhere and I am going to tell him its over. Strangely enough the kids think he's great so I dont know how they'll react... still you were all right and its about time I stopped faffing around.

Thanks for all the replies and advice.

Hooray!

Good for you Skettle. And you know what? Getting bad thimgs out of your life makes room for good things to come in. I promise.

Skettle that is great news, it may not feel like that for you at the moment but I really am very confident that in time you won't miss him at all and be thankful at the decision you have made. You'll be better off, your children won't be at any risk for him and I think emotionally you will be much richer you deserve so much better, all of you do.

I'm actually really surprised myself at how thrilled I am that you're finishing with him.

Agree with Aloha on the applause emoticon

Chin up and if you feel a bit low about it you can always have a rant on here about it too!

Oh skettle, good to hear from you and good luck. He may well have his plus points and obviously we only know what you tell us but I think that in itself is enough. His attitude to (your) money is scary and his way with your kids could lead down a slippery slope, even if they do like him now.

I know no-one's life is perfect and I'm sure a lot of us put up with less than ideal behaviour from our partners, but we really do want what's best for you. He just doesn't seem responsible enough to be in a relationship, particularly with someone who has children to think about.

Good Luck.

Yay! Go for it!

You see, you've got a lot of support. Stick to your guns and tell him you're finished. We want to hear how you're getting on, don't we, girls?

Good for you!

When are you planning to 'break' the news skettle?

It would be nice if you could make plans with your friends when your kids are with their dad to take your mind of things and make sure you do in fact get a good night out.

Thank goodness you are doing the right thing Skettle.

Dumping someone isn't nice, but when you know they've been using you, summoning the guts to do it will make you feel better I can promise you. It will make you feel proud of yourself for being strong enough to do the right thing .... and having been in a bad place, things can only get better, remember to keep telling yourself that.

Remind yourself about all the advantages of dumping this man if you find yourself wavering at all, or in the weeks to come when you're feeling fed up:

First and foremost, you are removing a potential danger from your kid's lives. That on its own is reason enough to do the deed......

2. Your money will be your own - to treat yourself and/or your kids as you wish
3. No more emotional blackmail or pressure from this selfish leech who believes you - a single mum - should fund his irresponsibility and boy's toys
4. No more putting you down
5. No stress/worry about 101 different things you get criticised for. You can do what YOU want, in your own home, as you want and when you want, without thinking of anyone else
6. No more lying awake worrying that you are being unreasonable/selfish/bitchy or whatever because the spoilt brat is sulking about something
7. Once he is out of your life, it - and you - are then in a position to welcome someone better into it - though I'd recommend a period of pampering yourself and not worrying if you have a bloke or not. However, right now, if the most gorgeous, considerate and thoughtful guy showed an interest in you, you'd turn him down wouldn't you because there's this irresponsible selfish lowlife scum in your life and you feel a sense of (misguided) loyalty to him ....

.... Which, when it's put like that, sounds utterly crazy doesn't it ?

By getting rid, you will open up so many more opportunities in your life Skettle, even if they take a while to make themselves known to you.

Best of all, you can start thinking about YOU again - start to build up your confidence. It is so much better to do this NOW, before he gets his feet under the table, and everything becomes much harder practically.

And if you do get lonely/fed up or whatever, you can always come on here !

I'm sure 2006 will be far better than 2005 was. Self-respect and doing your best for your children are invaluable commodities, worth a zillion times more than the company of that idiot.

Thank goodness, Skettle

His justifications for his behaviour were lame, don't you think?

You will be well off out of it. Can't wait to hear that you've done the deed - keep posting, OK? x x x

Hi Skettle

Catsmother has written a particularly good post, would actually suggest you copy that one out and pin it somewhere where you see it daily.

Am glad you have seen the light and look forward to the day I read that you have verbally given this slob the Order of the Boot!. I will then do a series of big grins!!.

Please may that day come asap. Writing what you have recently done shows a determination that was not there before, there is still fire in your belly. Don't let this die out!!.

Good for you thats great news Let us know how it goes, you know your doing the right thing x

Your children probably like him because he is like another child in the house. Good on you for doing something about it.

catsmother: I don't think she SHOULD put up with it at all, of course not, I'm not demented. I was just trying to show a bit of empathy with how skettle might be feeling. It's a fact that women sometimes stay with sh*tty men out of loneliness. There's no point ignoring that fact and pretending we're all 100 per cent strong 100 per cent of the time.

You may not have noticed that I said she should leave him - no question - because he is DAMAGING her.

Well done Skettle, you are without doubt doing the right thing!

skettle - hard to do but you are doing the right thing. Stay strong and carry through and if he tries to talk you around think of your kids. When reading your posts and his attitude I shuddered. Most stories you hear about child abuse are always the boyfriend or live-in partner who is not the dad. Obviously not all boyfriends/live-in partners do this but he is not even living with you and the children are getting to him. Imagine what would happen if he ever moved in?? Something to think about when he is sweet talking you.