Facebook - I'm worried.

[FH70]

Hi,
To start with, I am a dad with 2 DC, happily married for 15 years. I would like some perspective really on my DW use of Facebook. She joined about a year ago and has never really talked about it to me. About 3 months ago, she was reading FB and laughing when I walked in. She showed me a joke (harmless) on the site of a man. I asked her who he was as he had never been mentioned before. My DW snapped at me that he was ?just a guy she used to work with? and there was nothing to be worried about. She is generally placid, but she unnerved me with her strong reaction. I asked her if there was even a photo of me on her FB (there was not, but she then put on a couple of me). Later, I said that I was worried about all the negative stuff I?d heard about FB affairs, flirting etc. She dismissed me and then snapped, ?do you not want me to have facebook?? I was embarrassed and said nothing further for 3 months until she happened to mention FB in passing. I said that I was concerned that we had never really talked about the use of FB (I don?t have it) and that she was friends with men on there that I did not know and asked her how she would deal with friend requests from men. Again, she virtually exploded and I was taken aback by the strength of her reaction. I am puzzled to say the least. One of the key things that unsettles me is I don?t know why she needs to be friends with men on FB at all and worry that flirting could start (I know three men at work who have / are having affairs and are using FB as facilitator). I won?t write anymore, but ask for people?s comments / thoughts please as this whole FB thing is worrying me.

I'm not surprised he's not engaging on it. People have written him off before he even started due to being a bloke.

I have no agenda either gobby. It' s OPINION. It would also seem several other posters seem to feel the same. That this would have been handled entirely differently, shame.

Bubble, he said he wasn't going to write anymore in the OP. So not intending to engage from the start.

He did though.

I think the original post meant he wouldn't write any more in that post but seek views based on what he had written. Not that he didn't intend to post any more (which, btw, OP, is 2 words!) ever.

In his second post, he clearly states he will not be writing again on this thread.

Seems a shame - I think if he'd followed up by saying, "right, I take your point about the way I went about things with my wife but I'd really like to share my concerns with her" he could get some useful advice on how to do it in a way that doesn't come across as patronising or paternalistic (really parentalistic - it came across the way I might talk to my 6 year old, rather than a male thing).

OP I think if you explained to your wife that you've seen these affairs kindled or encouraged by FB so you tend to regard FB quite negatively that might be a better opener than "I don?t know why you need to be friends with men on FB at all and worry that flirting could start".

I wasn't hostile and I don't think my advice would have changed if this was a woman posting about her husband - I resent that charge!

This is about trust, not facebook.

My stbxh used to hate my fb use. He also only saw it as a way to have affairs. I never cheated on him during our eight year marriage despite having male friends on there. It boils down to a matter of trust. Where do you draw the line, if she is in Mumsnet and gets chatting to dads on here are you going to question that?! Get a grip OP. I also used to get pissed off at explaining every snigger to him when using it.

Gosh, if I was like that with my hubby, I would be screaming every day. My hubby is a teacher and meets lots of women, including young childbearing ones... He has taught 19-year old girls and still meets them every so often because they ask him for advice or they just like him... They are all in love with him (at least when I happen to meet some they either cry 'he is the best' in a Greek accent or they say to his co-ordinator that they must have him because 'he is not A teacher, he is THE teacher' in a Portuguese accent). And tonight he is going to a woman private student at home... I think I should get worried now, and he has FB friends lots of women too.

Saying that, last week, he asked the one student he is going to tonight if they could 'put [the text, he said 'it'] to bed'. She was slightly confused, but he made himself clear. Surely she thought...

Of course there are people who use it as a platform, but there is something called 'trust'.