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Original poster

WTF is wrong with me?????

68 replies

FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 21:37

I know its partly the time of year but its also getting a bit epic now. I have been single for YEARS and I mean YEARS.

Is it so wrong to just want a bit of male attention??

I don't really want a casual thing, I'm 32 a single mum and I'm starting to want to settle, (I've done the fling thing years ago) but I'm really really lonely and I also (to put it bluntly) I need some sex!!

I honestly don't know whats wrong with me and why I can't meet a man who I'm remotely attracted to and doesn't have to be 3 sheets to the wind to speak to me???

One of my aunties was texting me tonight. Asking if I had a fella yet?? (we live miles away from eachother so never see eachother) but why ask??? Why remind me that I am still on the shelf?? Believe me if I remotely had someone in my life I'd be screaming it from the rooftops Xmas Smile

OP posts:
FionaBruise · 10/12/2011 21:40

tell your auntie to do one.
you are soooooooooooo not on the shelf at 32.
wot are you man finding methods?

EllenandBump · 10/12/2011 21:47

You have not been left on the shelf at all! Maybe the right person is just around the corner and you dont even know it yet! I wouldnt worry about finding a man, we are all strong independent minded women here right? xxx

anothermum92 · 10/12/2011 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 21:54

fionabruise

The usual: through work, nights out, at the leisure centre (I swim I can't afford the gym) I even tried dating websites. Way too expensive I'd rather get pissed so I can be numb and meet the same sort of knob heads that I spoke to on there!! Xmas Grin

Ellenandbump I'm sick of being a strong independant woman. Maybe I'm too much of a strong independant woman. I'm probably scaring them off!! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 21:58

Maybe but I have never been single for this long. 2006 was a very long time ago!!

OP posts:
emsyj · 10/12/2011 21:58

I won't be reading any more of the posts on this thread as I can't be arsed with the likely flaming, but buy yourself a copy of The Rules and read it. You will be enlightened. Promise.

Flame away - I won't be reading anyway.

Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 22:02

Flaming??

Obviously not a term I'm familiar with? You mean people will give me grief??

That won't bother me nobody knows me on here.

OP posts:
FionaBruise · 10/12/2011 22:04

actually I'm kind of with you emsjy on the power of some of these crap sounding books. I read one called oh my god i can hardly type the title...the surrendered single...and i have to say that it really gave me a few successful hassle saving tips.

FionaBruise · 10/12/2011 22:07

Sport sounds a good way forward flightrisk. anything else you can do cheaply/free instead of/ as well as swimming? I found it easier to pull on a bike/on the run, than in the pool (hahaa maybe I wasn't that hot in my cossie)

Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 22:12

I walk the dogs. I did kind of meet one guy like that (the odd flirt when we saw eachother) then found out he wasn't single!!! Grrr, don't flirt if your not available!! I know its meant to be harmless but not to a desperado like me who thinks you're interested if you flirt!! Xmas Confused

OP posts:
FionaBruise · 10/12/2011 22:16

god that's annoying damn that dog man.
2012 is so gonna be the year THE YEAR!!! :-)

izzywhizzysmincepies · 10/12/2011 22:16

Cosmic ordering. 'Nuff said.

Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 22:19

cosmic ordering Xmas Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 22:22

Fiona can't late 2011 just be the year???

OP posts:
GossipWitch · 10/12/2011 22:26

Your so not on the shelf, really, just 18 months ago I had been single for 6 years!!!! bearing in mind I am now 29 and a single mum of 2, one with ASD, I met a guy through a friend of a friend and was with him for just over a year, then that ended mutually, and just 6 weeks later I landed myself another guy. It happens when you least expect it. Please don't think your past it, just concentrate on yourself and your kiddie and enjoy yourself when you can and I'm sure things will fall into place for you one day. Xmas Smile

maleview70 · 10/12/2011 22:26

Maybe think about joining a group(swimming?) or something, go to a college class maybe? My dw got asked out on a cookery course once. A Friend met his DP at a walking club.

On nights out if you meet blokes late on in pubs/clubs they will almost always be pissed! Sometimes you need to make a move earlier in the night. Get talking to someone for longer than a few minutes. If you like them then leave them your number whilst they are still sober and say you would love to carry on the conversation but are out with a mate tonight so perhaps meet up another time? Think of reasons to talk to men even if the subject bored the shit out of you. I went up to a girl once who had just finished a song on a karaoke night. I said she had a lovely voice and did she sing professionally. Sounds cheesy but it did the trick because it was something she was happy to talk about.
Some Men can be extremely slow to get the message that a woman fancies them and almost need it spelling out.
I have been attracted to women just on the back of a smile from them! I hadn't noticed them before then!

Are you confident or do you tend to wait for things to happen?

FionaBruise · 10/12/2011 22:27

yeah totally!!! didn't want man.amazon.uk to overpromise and underdeliver.
I'd been single for a few years and then once sat on the train on the way into town and determinedly wrote in my little black book "right I am going to bag a great bloke by the end of the month" and then found fairly decent bloke that night. Thoughts have wings thoughts have wings thoughts have wings. keep positive keep positive

Original poster
FlightRisk · 10/12/2011 22:40

maleview I vary in my confidence. I might say hi to a guy I think is good looking and smile but then I'll wait for him to make the next move. I've tried being forward and chatting then they leave and I feel rejected or I scared them off and now its been so long that my insecurities are getting worse.

In the summer a freind of a friend joined us on a night out. She's married but she likes a good flirt so she walks up to any man who'll pay her attention and chat dance provocativly on the dance floor with them. She commented to me a few times that if I wanted to meet men I'd have to be more like her!!

Really??? Do I? now that I'm no longer 26 is that how I have to be to meet someone, because I'm just not like that!! I never had to throw myself at men in the past but now I'm starting to think she had a point. Sad

OP posts:
springydaffs · 11/12/2011 22:27

No you don't! What she's doing is saying "gissa shag" loud and clear.

imho

If I told you how long I@ve been single you'd be tempted to top yourself. I assure you it ain't half bad though I know what you mean about the sex - that's a toughie. I honestly haven't met anyone I'm interested in/is available/isn't 22 (the latter is tempting..). I actually met someone the other day who was a contender but as I was talking to him I was aware I was glazing over. Maybe I'm past it or maybe if a guy wants to take things further he'll have to play by The Rules because there's a huge part of me that cba.

People have stopped asking/assuming I'm gay . I get a fair bit of attention but that's about it - can't complain. Don[t let anyone say that hideous 'when you're least expecting it'
or 'when you're looking the other way'
or the truly hideously vile 'you're coming over as too desperate' . It's usually someone in a couple who says this smug bastards

KittyAnne · 11/12/2011 22:29

Don't give up on the online dating. Line 'em up. You have to put the work in.
Meeting a succession of arseholes is draining, but one of them may end up the arsehole of your dreams.

Original poster
FlightRisk · 13/12/2011 17:17

springydaffs

You made me laugh so much because I can relate to everything you said.

Kittyanne 2 of my dearest friends met online but I'm convinced that it is completely rare because all I get is sex pests, men over 50 (urgh!!) or boring idiots. There's one guy who rants on about his ex not letting him see his son! Oh my god bore off!!

I honestly don't think decent men are on them sights because they don't need to be!! Xx

OP posts:
coffeesleeve · 13/12/2011 17:22

I met my current beau on OKCupid (I was 34 when we met). I agree with KittyAnne - you have to put the work in! Date, date, date (I call it "sifting through the shit") - if someone isn't good on a first date, move on!

I also recommend meetup.com - it's good for meeting like-minded friends.

Dee03 · 13/12/2011 18:00

Flightrisk...I feel your pain....I have been single for years now...... I have 3 ds, run a pre school part time and am totally independent...i love my life generally but just now and again I wish I had someone to share things with Sad but then again I read some threads on here about people's dh/dp and I think sod all that crap again!! Grin

KittyAnne · 13/12/2011 20:02

LOL @Coffee- you definitely have to sift through some serious shit.
I think the only way to approach the online stuff is like a business plan. Make a list of all the potentials and just plough through it. A thick skin and sense of humour helps. And the bad dates make for good stories...

PieCherry · 14/12/2011 09:08

I've used online dating sites. You have to be very organised and consistent though. Make sure your profile is clear about what you don't want - mine for example at one point said "If you have a semi naked profile picture leaning against your car, please don't bother, we aren't right for each other!"

I also made it clear I was not into one night stands, nor would I be into phone or e-mail sx etc etc etc.

I met some very nice people who I wasn't attracted to, some knobs who I was attracted to. I made sure that I didn't meet up for anything but a coffee for a 1st date.

There are some OK free ones out there.

Please don't give up hope, I met my partner on Smooch and we're getting married soon.

There are some good ones out there.

Good Luck!!