Sadness

[carantala]

Don't see the point of carrying on; all of my relationships have been rubbish. Kids don't like me (well, one does). Have had such a dreadful year. I am feeling extremely sorry for myself. Want my XP back; silly, isn't it?

Yes it is. And it ain't happening. And the point of carrying on is your beautiful dc.

But you know that.

I get on their nerves and they are fed up with me! Just wish that I could curl up in bed again with my XP! I still love him; wish that there was an "unlove" button in the brain!

O, ye of little faith! There is such a button. And, curiously enough, it is called the 'unlove button'.

All you do is press it and think of all the unlovely things he did to you. All of the unlovely ways in which he behaved. All of the unlovely things he said to you. All of the unlovely ways he made you feel about yourself. All of the unlovely times he broke his promises to you. All of the unlovely manner in which he dashed your hopes and dreams. And the unlovely fact that he wasn't up to the task of loving and cherishing you.

And then you resolve to learn from your mistakes, dust yourself down, and start all over again.

It's not that easy, unfortunately! We were together for 11 years but I could not share his love of bdsm; tried, allowed him to photograph me, desperately tried to understand why he was so turned on by it!

We had a business together, which I loved! Ironically, it was photography! I adored our wedding and portrait work - was so proud of our results, as were all of our clients!

Get really upset when I see wedding cars; stupid, isn't it?

Unlove button? I want one of those!!

Awww, am sorry you are sad, but you have to make the effort to get out bed and start living again.

Stop pining for your ex - he isn't coming back and it is wasted ebergy. Odds on you are just sad at being alone?

Why not organise something fun to do with your children - make chrismas decorations, a christmas cake? You need some fun in your life.

You will get past this xx

You turned yourself inside out and compromised your integrity for a self-absorbed knob?

You don't need the 'unlove button'; you need the ' I love me button' which enables you to love, honour and accept yourself - and take no prisoners, nor allow yourself to become unequally enslaved, when it comes to intimate relationships.

Low self-esteem is a quality you should take radical steps to eliminate from your thoughts because, as you've discovered on a number of occasions, it can lead to relationships that are as illusory as those airbrushed portraits you created.

Instead of getting upset whenever you see wedding cars. heave a sigh of relief that you're not one of the occupants who may well end up on this board or the divorce courts in the not too distant future.

BTW, I hope you kept the business. If not, why not?

Aww, Carantala, this time of year can be pretty shit if things are not going your way

I hope 2012 will be better for you

One of my kids hates me at the moment. Mind you, I am cracking the whip wrt revision for mock gcse's so I am Mother From Hell who should Get Out of Her Life.

what absolutely awful things are you doing to your dc at the moment ?

Am grateful to you all for replying! Thank you so much!

This year has been extremely difficult; although I chip in occasionally on MN (usually to warn people about BDSM photography), I have not mentioned the awful events.

Am suffering from a massive dose of self pity; nothing compared to other people's trials and tribulations!

Have a good wallow and then pour yourself a - the toast is 'onward and upward 'cos you can't get any lower that you feel now.

And keep reading about the trials and tribulations of others in the hope that you'll regain that sometimes elusive feelgood factor

Nope; that won't work! Dreadful year; two awful bereavements. Never said this before on MN - XP never sent a word of sympathy and I found this extremely hurtful

So he's just a knob, he's an insensitive knob. Unsurprising given that knobs are not known for their warmth and empathy.

We all have our annus horribilis and some have more than one. Yours will soon be behind you and, hopefully, the new year will bring you good cheer.

Thank you for your replies! My problems don't seem that bad compared to those of others!

Am having frequent nightmares- dread going to bed! Tried to get out Christmas card list today but couldn't do it as I did not want to see the names of those who have died since last year.

Just want to go back to a time when everything was fine! Ridiculous, isn't it?

With every passing year those gaps on the Christmas card list grow, but just because death has parted us from our loved ones it doesn't mean that we can't 'see' and 'talk' to them just as we've always done.

As a token of thanks for the joy they bought to my life, I light candles for my departed loved ones on the summer and winter solstices. I set aside time on All Hallows Eve to quietly 'commune' with them. and barely a day goes by without me, albeit briefly, thinking of them.

I feel that, whether in my mind or in 'spirit', my loved ones draw near at times of need or times that are of special importance to me and, for this reason, no festivities take place in my home without a toast being raised to absent friends and loved ones before the revelry begins.

Given all those who have gone before, in the midst of death we are in life and it's incumbent on us to honour their lives by living ours to the full.

Tears can't bring them back but fond memories can invoke their presence. Cherish the memories you have of them, and know that what they would most want for you is that your life be happy and fulfilled.

I am so sorry you are finding things difficult. Second needing the 'I Love Me' button.

Most of you ladies, how lovely you are and supportive of each other.

sends love and hugs to you

You all deserve more than you have had

Thank you all for your posts; they have given such comfort!

Still can't bring myself to look at the Christmas card list - will do it tomorrow.

littlegreenapples - I appreciate Izzy's posts and would greatly welcome something from AF as I think that she has incredible insight.

Sorry that you, also, are suffering so much.

Best wishes to you all, especially lga

Izzy I honour all different faiths and beliefs! I did go to a very wonderful All Souls' Service on Oct 2nd at our village church. Wanted to pay my respects in a formal way to my younger brother and my best friend. Church was packed out and we were all in the same boat; lots of tears and hugs all round.

We were invited to submit the names of our departed loved ones some days beforehand and a good lady came round to all of us before the service started to make sure that she had the names spelt correctly. I was with a friend who lost his son through tragic circumstances.

The service was very moving; not preachy at all with three favourite hymns. The names of the dead were read out; we did not know that their names were going to be written down and placed on the altar with a candle - calligraphy was beautiful!

Izzy your words are truly very kind. I also think you need a 'love me' button Carantala what you are going through is absolutely terrible and you need to deal with it and move forwards in your own time. I hope that things get better between you and your child as that would help a lot wouldn't it? We are all here for you, to offer you constant words of encouragement and to listen to you when you need us, hopefully it won't be long before you are back on your feet feeling a bit more 'normal' x

OP you sound as if you are actually going through some trauma here, with the frequent nightmares and the turmoil you feel when you see a wedding.

Have you considered therapy? It is very hard to get over the fact that you have been photographed the way your ex photographed you. It is a huge betrayal of you to have been used in this way, and he not only compromised your relationship, but also something you loved doing, your work together by tainting through the photos that were taken of you. You have had something stolen.

Or is there any way you could do some symbolic expunging of all that? A little fire in the garden to burn a few symbols such as any photos you could lay your hands on...

Please remember that even though children sometimes give the impression that they would cheerfully push you over a cliff if given half a chance they love you and can't imagine their lives without you right there in the centre of it.

But go and talk to someone about the memories and those nightmares.

how are you feeling today, carantala ?

Thanks for your message AF- not feeling great; still can't face up to the Christmas card list!

Put a picture of XP next to my bed today - it's from a time when we were really happy together!

I hate Sundays, especially 10 past 2 when my beloved brother died. Can never stop myself from watching the clock. My bro was one of the happiest, most cheerful people that I have ever met in my life - also extremely kind and very, very funny! Never complained about anything even when he knew he was going to die. Miss him so much!

The same goes for my best friend; she was always here and so kind and full of life! She did loads of fundraising for so many charities - was like this all her life! She, too, never complained although she had several tragedies in her own life.

I am suffering from a massive dose of self-pity; want them back!

Have noticed that the post from littlegreenapples was deleted by MN. No idea why.

Thank you and everyone else for the posts; am very grateful!

I hate Xmas anyway

it is shit

I have just crapped on a happy "what colour scheme is your Xmas tree thread"

all it does is bankrupt people and make those feeling a bit blue, feel worse than ever

I didn't see the littlegreenapples post, I assumed it was something mean, so no loss there I suppose

write those cards, carantala, and get it over with

alternatively, you could rebel and make a small donation to charity in lieu of cards.....I mean, wtf are Xmas cards all about ? really ?

< reflects that a Xmas hater may not be the best person to cheer carantal up >

it should be cancelled

AF I am cancelling Christmas, as far as possible! Unfortunately, it cannot be avoided or ignored!

Know that there are many, many people in much worse-off situations.

Thank you for your post!