Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Here's hoping on finding a decent guy/girl under the mistletoe who doesn't use hun or text speak. Dating thread No.7

999 replies

Zanywany · 05/12/2011 14:31

Off you go

You know what to do

Xmas Grin
OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 14/12/2011 14:10

glad it went well zany :)

and snape - you do never know. have a lovely afternoon off ;) enjoy the biscuits.

i didnt contact him in the first place... i never do. im just not very good at ignoring people. He hasnt changed and said he was sorry he hurt me, but had an explination for why. There is nothing to stop him doing it again. I just need help with the not talking to him bit.

stayformulledwine · 14/12/2011 14:13

What's done is done watch no point beating yourself up Smile You know now that you don't want a relationship with him and you don't have to regardless of if he breaks up with the gf. In fact if he does you have done her a favour and you are still free to carry on dating in the new year. He may be put out but that's what being spiteful gets you.

lubeybaublely · 14/12/2011 14:34

Watch it gets easier the longer you ignore for - and any contact at all sets you back, after some initial feeling better and justifying it to yourself, you realise you feel shit, and are mulling over what was said, etc etc

I have been there many times so know my stuff on this one.

You get a text, look at it, think 'cockhead' and don't reply.

Keep your phone on vibrate so it's easy to just shove the phone between some cushions and ignore the call

Keep busy with other stuff and if your mind wanders keep bringing your thoughts back to other things

Like I say, the longer you manage this for the easier it gets.

Three months here ignoring my ex, no contact at all - and it's SO good.

I'm about 26 months into ignoring another one which feels even better

So difficult at the the start, but so worth it in the end.

Snapespeare · 14/12/2011 15:24

post-its dotted around the house (inside of a kitchen cupboard door, near ceiling in bathroom opposite toilet etc) with 'you don't mean dick to me' have certainly helped my mind-frame at times. If you don't want to invite comment, you can shorten to 'YDMDTM' and come up with a suitable acronym to explain if necessary....

(the person who isn't meant to mean dick to me opened my fridge to insert beer and then asked about the post its and I said it was about someone else, but an explanation around 'You Don't Mind Doing The Morning' might have been preferable... Hmm)

prettypurpledaisy · 14/12/2011 20:24

Been tempted to text the one who couldn't meet me on friday but have decided against it reading all the threads directed to watch :) will remain steadfast.
Got work do tomorrow not drinking so will watch the drunken behaviour of the bright young things Grin and be tucked up in bed by 11.

TimeForChristmasSpirit · 14/12/2011 21:33

Stay strong daisy and don't contact him, it will only feed his ego. The silence from you will have a much more powerful effect Xmas Wink

Original poster
Zanywany · 14/12/2011 22:17

Bloody facebook. I sent a friend request to Mr Yachts sister on my fb tonight and stupid nosy me had a look to see if his ex was on her friends list and I think I found her. Now full of doubt as she is really pretty so keep thinking 'why does he say he adores me when he used to live with her'. Probably over analysing and I know looks arent everything. Wishing I hadn't been so curious nosy.

OP posts:
PoppaRob · 14/12/2011 23:16

zany, stop your overthinking and be happy that he's besotted with you. She may or may not have bad breath, shag pile pubes and smelly feet, but more importantly she's his ex - you're his current! Don't worry... be happy! Xmas Wink

stayformulledwine · 14/12/2011 23:41

Zany relax. Poppa is right, she is his ex. Ex for a reason right?! You have to trust him when he says he adores you. Your relationship wont get very far if you cant put trust in what he says to you. :)

TimeForChristmasSpirit · 15/12/2011 07:10

Don't forget Zany that people choose their best pic for their profile, often they aren't as pretty as it would appear Xmas Wink I noticed this when on POF, I would click on a 'looker' only to find he looked completely different on the rest of his photos. Besides Zany, looks do not maketh the person, she may be pretty but her personality may be downright ugly. Panic not!

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 08:50

Morning. I have Taken the Plunge, and joined a couple of sites.

watchoutforthatsnail · 15/12/2011 09:54

zany :( of course of all the others are right, but in understand how these insecurities make you feel. tbh i would feel the same. My ex husband used to say that, and yet insist on being close friends with all his ex's or singing their praises the whole time... and when i would pull him up on it he would trot out the line... but he was shagging them occassionally.. which is why he kept in contact. That being said you should try not to tar everyone with the same brush. :( its difficult, to trust someone when your trust has been so shattered in the past.

good luck santa - :)

purple - yay. we can be ignoring people together!

he called me yesterday, and i did pick up. felt i needed to say. he basically rubbished that and told me that he would talk to me if he wanted to. Quite, quite wrong, he should be jumping through hoops right now. Ive blocked and deleted and am done. He doesnt have my mobile or landline number anymore and i dont have his. and yes, he knows where i live and can find me online ( because everyone is traceable) but ill just not respond :)

anyway - ive been chatting to smone on pof ( profile still hidden) who sent me such a long message that it actually cut off half way and got sent in two. HE can talk :) hurrah. Not wanting to meet up anytime soon as im far to busy eating cheese and chocolate and drinking rum. but you never know, right?

watchoutforthatsnail · 15/12/2011 09:57

zany - i misread your whole post. sorry. seems you are just being silly over the way she looks and he hasnt said anything. in which case, ignore my whole post and stop being daft, you are lovely!!!!!!

and snape - i would have that post it note up, except for the next line is ' i might let you make it up to me' which is never going to happen!

TimeForChristmasSpirit · 15/12/2011 10:16

watch well done!! I am so pleased you have blocked him. How arrogant of him to say he will talk to you if he wishes! Xmas Shock Who the heck does he think he is!!

Good luck Santa Xmas Smile

zany, hope you are feeling better about the situation this morning. You really do not have any reason to worry. Please, don't let insecurities spoil what is a lovely time for you Xmas Smile

stayformulledwine · 15/12/2011 10:28

Watch what a twat. You are doing the right thing from the sounds of him. Chap from POF that can talk?! Are you SURE?! Xmas Grin

Zany yup dont let insecurities ruin anything for you. I have S's ex on my fb, tad weird at times but I was fb friends with her before they were even seeing each other. She doesnt seem inclined to remove me and I see no reason to remove her. I did check with S whether he was over her, he said yes and I trust him. No reason not to! When Mr Yacht tells you he adores you, believe him. No reason not to, except those you are making in your head! Look at his actions too, meeting your dc and your parents. Hardly the actions of a man about to desert you for some ex. :)

Morning everyone else! Dragging myself into town shortly, with all the enthusiasm of a dead moose. Xmas Grin

Original poster
Zanywany · 15/12/2011 10:33

Hi, thanks for your messages guys. I think I feel insecure because I know she finished their relationship (around 9/10 months ago). I should stop being silly as when he told me about it he did say that originally he didn't want to split because of the children but once they had he then realised how unhappy he had been with her.

Xmas Grin at shag pile pubes

I have finally done some Xmas shopping and will be doing some more later, feel all stressy though which isn't like me. Things are a bit up and down at work and been having a few problems with XH.

OH well, its my works Xmas do tomorrow so no doubt I will do something to embarrass myself Grin

Loving the name Santastrapon have you had much luck on the sites yet? which ones have you joined?

A long message sounds good Watch I hate the brief 'Hows your day' ones

OP posts:
stayformulledwine · 15/12/2011 10:44

zany was the same sketch with S and his ex, she split with him and only a couple of months before I started seeing him he was still mixed up about her. So yes I know what you are saying about the insecurity, but what is being insecure going to achieve anyways? Nothing but extra stress for you. Maybe speak to Mr Yacht, let him put your mind at rest, but if you do, accept what he says and dont get hung up on her.

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 10:46

Thank you Zany, it's me, SarahStratton in my Christmas get up. I've joined GSM, MuddyMatches, and Uniformdating. Waiting for my profiles to be confirmed and I need to sort out decent photos. Bit scared though, I hope they don't think they're going to get any more than coffee for a loooong time.

hatesponge · 15/12/2011 11:09

santa, glad you found us and good luck with the sites, just sit back and wait for the messages to come rolling in :)

watch well done you! and like the sound of long message man, are you not tempted to squeeze in a quick drink before Xmas?

zany, dont worry about the Ex. As Time said, she will prob have her most absurdly flattering photo as her FB profile (I know I do!). And however great she looks he's not with her now he's with you and clearly v happy to be so :)

I have a date on Weds with a guy from POF who actually seems rather nice (don't they all at first?!). and another possible who lives literally 2 streets away from me who I may meet briefly over the weekend if I have time though he is VERY young so would clearly only be a bit of fun Blush and of course drinks with my boss to arrange. at this rate I will have more dates in December than in the whole year!....Grin

watchoutforthatsnail · 15/12/2011 11:19

sponge - get you!!! and wasnt it only the other week you were saying about how noone was ever interested ;) see, stuff changes all the time. Hope they all go well.

not tempted to go for a quick drink, i could fit it in seeing as dd is with her dad all next week, but i cant be arsed.

TimeForChristmasSpirit · 15/12/2011 11:27

Oooh sponge you go girl! Xmas Grin I look forward to your updates!

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 17:37

Ooh I have flirts and messages. Bit stunned really, they're quick off the old mark aren't they. Any pointers as to what to look out for? Give away no-no phrases, that sort of thing.

Somebloke · 15/12/2011 20:34

"U look sexy, what is your credit card number"

That's a bit of a red flag.

Hope I'm not butting in. I've been on MN for years but namechanged since my relationship ended, and I've been following this thread for the past couple of weeks.

TimeForChristmasSpirit · 15/12/2011 22:09

Oh yes Santa, they are quick off the mark for the new bits of flesh! You will be inundated at first and it won't be long until you notice a pattern. Xmas Grin

My tip would be don't feel obliged to reply to every single "Hi" or "You look nice" etc, only reply to the ones who have something interesting to say or you will be bogged down with messages from blokes that you would really prefer not to be talking to. Don't encourage them.

Other than that just go with it, see how it goes and don't forget to update us!

No Somebloke you are not butting in. Welcome to the dark side!! Xmas Wink

hatesponge · 15/12/2011 22:22

I totally agree with Time Grin I only reply to the ones I really like the look of from their photos or who have something that interests me in their profile. Or who send me a message that's funny or grabs my interest.

Am sulking. In no particular order: I burnt my finger on the oven, my boss was in meetings all day today (and tomorrow) so didn't see him, and my date for Weds has been online all evening but not yet replied to a message I sent at 7pm Hmm