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Original poster

Crap end to a perfect day

68 replies

NumbAndShocked · 02/12/2011 23:17

It should have been lovely. It was lovely - up to a point.

Me & DH were both off work today. We did some chores around the house together, then I treated him to his favourite lunch out (dim sum), we did some Christmas shopping together and said how lovely it was being together without the kids.

We got home, he got, ahem, some action, then he went to the gym. So far this is his perfect day.

Went out for dinner tonight, and on the way back, getting out of the taxi, my DH is really rude to the taxi driver, saying 'we won't be getting you again'. This is because the taxi driver didn't thank him for the 60p he added to the fare as a tip. Hmm

Once in the house, I told him I thought he was really rude to the taxi driver, and said I thought he was bringing trouble to our door unnecessarily, as we had been dropped right outside the house and driver therefore knows where we live, yet my DH thinks it's acceptable to give back chat. DH totally aggressive towards me, claims taxi driver was speeding (he wasn't, I could see his speedo and it was below the limit) and that he was really uncivil, and that all he was doing was giving the taxi driver a 'wake up call'. I don't think he should expect a taxi driver to doff his cap for a 60p tip. Driver was perfectly pleasant to me.

We ended up having to spend 2 hours giving statements to the police a few weeks ago after my DH had a row with another taxi driver, who ended up telling him he would 'fucking take him out' in not dissimilar circumstances. - it seems DH has an expectation that taxi drivers should be deferential towards him.

I can't understand why he won't just keep his mouth shut when it comes to taxi drivers.

Big row - DH tells me to 'jog on', I flip & I throw a bit of lego at him. Probably shouldn't have, but I despise his supercilious attitude. Now it's all my fault, and I have anger issues. I tell DH if he ever tells me to jog on again, he will know what anger issues really are.

It's only the 2nd of December. Sorry for the ramble, just need to vent.

OP posts:
MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 02/12/2011 23:25

Does he usually have a bit of a temper? Do you? Do your arguments always spiral out of control? Does it become a slagging match?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/12/2011 23:25

I wouldn't go out with someone who was being like that towards taxi drivers towards the end of the evening.

Or I would go but walk home or drive or get public transport.

Definately wouldn't go out with him and get a taxi home agian though.

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:30

Is he like that with waiters/bus drivers/other people he sees as deferential?

My ex used to be like this. He once screamed at a bus driver he thought had cut him up (he hadn't) that his life was shit because he'd never amount to anything more than a bus driver, and he must be really stupid and useless because he was driving a bus, blah, blah, blah.

It was disgusting. He was like it with taxi drivers too. Every taxi driver was trying to shaft him or driving like a maniac.

My ex was an utter, utter prick. But we also had some lovely afternoons Christmas shopping and shagging too.

It's hard to tell from your OP but I'm wondering if there's more to this?

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 02/12/2011 23:33

I could have written your post madonna. Sounds like my ex. Would not go back.

witherhills · 02/12/2011 23:36

Why was it just him that got the action?!

Seriously though, is he always angry, or do you think something could be causing it?

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:36

'Supercillious'. After my ex, that word now gives me chills.

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:37

Good point wither, OP did you get any action or just him?

yellowraincoat · 02/12/2011 23:40

Oh wow, that sounds difficult. Is he generally rude to everyone he sees as "below" him? Cos that, to me, would be a complete dealbreaker.

jasper · 02/12/2011 23:46

"he got . ahem, some action"
What an odd turn of phrase. Can you elaborate?

Was he drunk when he was rude to the driver?

Original poster
NumbAndShocked · 02/12/2011 23:50

He doesn't normally have a temper, but when he does, he makes it very personal. He will slag me off, my family, my job, my upbringing. I recognise it when it happens.

I react very badly to when he is being passive aggressive towards me, for example saying 'jog on' when I am trying to discuss something with him - but thankfully it doesn't happen that often. I need to develop some ways of dealing with that which doesn't involve throwing lego.

He has a trait which his mum and his 2 sisters also have, of feeling superior to others (they are all highly paid professionals - think 100k+, which is why I find the expectation to be thanked for a 60p tip so over the top). I find it very unpleasant, although DH doesn't display it as much as he used to. When we first met, I remember introducing him to a dear friend of mine who was a plumber, and DH merely grunted at him, for no reason other than he was a plumber. He is very scathing about public sector workers (the strike was an issue of division in our house); people on benefits; big issue sellers; migrants; trades - and of course, taxi drivers. He said tonight that 'a scumbag like that needed to be taught a lesson'. I think the guy is doing an honest night's work, and it's not my H's place to be teaching him lessons about life.

NotSuch - I think you are right - I need to refuse to be in a taxi with him.

Seeing what I have just typed, makes me really question why I am with my DH - we are worlds apart in the way we relate to people.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:51

Numb I'm afraid from your description he sounds like a complete knob. Which is a shame, because you sound very nice.

Barreal · 02/12/2011 23:54

Sounds like a knob. Deal breaker for me, too.
I think it's important to respect all sorts of occupations on the planet.

Original poster
NumbAndShocked · 02/12/2011 23:57

Sorry, X posts - didn't really want to get into describing what 'actio'n entails, but yes, he got the action, not me, not that it's really an issue.

...

I don't think.

I didn't think he was overly drunk, but his behaviour seems so irrational that maybe he was. 1 bottle of wine between us before we went out. 1 bottle at dinner, then he had a liqueur - I wasn't really paying attention to who was having the lion's share.

OP posts:
Barreal · 03/12/2011 00:03

I highly respect all people with real skills, like plumbing, and so on. I often live in Water World, on a boat, and it is the people with true skills, like plumbing, who are in demand, who are highly respected.
I've always thought that way, indeed, I have often said to myself that instead of doing a poxy American Studies degree at uni, I'd have been better off learning how to build something, fix a leaky faucet, and indeed, since buying a boat, I have taught myself a lot about wiring, plumbing, and lots lots more..steepest learning curve of my life. Say no more.

Barreal · 03/12/2011 00:04

Damn, I digressed, meant to say that your partner doesn't sound like a very nice person, regardless of how much he earns.

Original poster
NumbAndShocked · 03/12/2011 00:28

He is nice in lots of other ways - good with kids etc - but for me, the measure of someone is how they behave towards people who aren't as fortunate / well-paid / well educated etc.

I would be horrified if I thought one of my DC would be like this when they grow up.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 03/12/2011 00:29

Being rude to someone cos of their job is weird. Maybe we all have preconceptions of how a plumber or a teacher or a banker acts, but when the person is right there looking you in the face, doing anything other than taking the person as they come is just twattish behaviour.

I know a guy who is a bit like this, dismissive to waiters, taxi drivers, poor people and basically anyone who isn't a raging media twat like him. He is deeply embarrassing to be around and seems very unhappy with himself. The ironic thing is that he is very very Labourite and bangs on about his working class credentials which he doesn't actually have.

I digress. You need to talk to your husband about why he acts like this.

Original poster
NumbAndShocked · 03/12/2011 00:30

Am sitting downstairs, unwilling to go to bed. I can't stand the idea of going up to the bedroom. I may climb in with DD.

OP posts:
SolidGoldVampireBat · 03/12/2011 00:53

This man is a nasty, nasty arsehole and he is going to get worse. He has a massive sense of entitlement, to the point that you have already had police involvement after he started a fight with a different taxi-driver, he clearly has sex on you whether you like it or not... Really, you need to start making plans to get rid of him, because he sees you as an inferior, too. And that's going to translate, sooner or later, into him deciding he's entitled to hurt you for disobeying or 'disrespecting' him.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 03/12/2011 01:00

Really, SGB? I just read that as a BJ, willingly given. That aside, he does sound pretty awful.

saffronwblue · 03/12/2011 02:22

OP it is a question of values. You obviously have very different views about how to treat others. How do you go bringing up kids with such different core values?

Original poster
NumbAndShocked · 03/12/2011 02:39

Thanks all - you all have good points.

I think December is a really bad month for me. When I last posted under this name, it was exactly 2 years ago. That was a very dark time. I had considered confiding my issues then with my manager, but never did. I am so glad I didn't.

Last December my manager started a concerted campaign of bullying against me (I have posted under my regular name about this Sad) and it hasn't really been resolved. It has been a long and stressful year.

December isn't a great month for me. Sigh

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 03/12/2011 04:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Tattymum · 03/12/2011 10:14

Yellow "raging media twat like him" just made me spit my coffee allover laptop LOL!

Ilovepigs · 03/12/2011 11:44

You have my sympathy as my dh can be like this.

One particularly bad one I remember was NY-there was a huge queue for taxis so the police were sheparding people,asking them where they were going and getting others to taxi share.

My dh was getting angrier and angrier and insisting that he wasnt sharing a taxi with anyone. When it came to our turn we had to say where we were going and of course 3 other people were going the same way and jumped in.

Well that turned into the taxi journey from hell!! Dh was convinced taxi driver was deliberately taking us the long way. The strangers in our taxi were a bit merry and trying to chat. My dh is not sociable at all and this was making him angrier and angrier. I was trying to keep the peace.

Ended up when we were getting out of the taxi one of the women called dh a dickhead and slapped him across the head. Cue dh going mental and trying to drag them all out of the taxi! He and the taxi driver were very nearly in a stand up fight.

I am always wary when I am in a taxi with him now as I can tell when he is getting wound up if he thinks that the driver is trying to rip him off.

Sorry not hugely useful-but I do understand where you are coming from!

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