Crap end to a perfect day

[NumbAndShocked]

It should have been lovely. It was lovely - up to a point.

Me & DH were both off work today. We did some chores around the house together, then I treated him to his favourite lunch out (dim sum), we did some Christmas shopping together and said how lovely it was being together without the kids.

We got home, he got, ahem, some action, then he went to the gym. So far this is his perfect day.

Went out for dinner tonight, and on the way back, getting out of the taxi, my DH is really rude to the taxi driver, saying 'we won't be getting you again'. This is because the taxi driver didn't thank him for the 60p he added to the fare as a tip.

Once in the house, I told him I thought he was really rude to the taxi driver, and said I thought he was bringing trouble to our door unnecessarily, as we had been dropped right outside the house and driver therefore knows where we live, yet my DH thinks it's acceptable to give back chat. DH totally aggressive towards me, claims taxi driver was speeding (he wasn't, I could see his speedo and it was below the limit) and that he was really uncivil, and that all he was doing was giving the taxi driver a 'wake up call'. I don't think he should expect a taxi driver to doff his cap for a 60p tip. Driver was perfectly pleasant to me.

We ended up having to spend 2 hours giving statements to the police a few weeks ago after my DH had a row with another taxi driver, who ended up telling him he would 'fucking take him out' in not dissimilar circumstances. - it seems DH has an expectation that taxi drivers should be deferential towards him.

I can't understand why he won't just keep his mouth shut when it comes to taxi drivers.

Big row - DH tells me to 'jog on', I flip & I throw a bit of lego at him. Probably shouldn't have, but I despise his supercilious attitude. Now it's all my fault, and I have anger issues. I tell DH if he ever tells me to jog on again, he will know what anger issues really are.

It's only the 2nd of December. Sorry for the ramble, just need to vent.

was drink involved

sounds like you both get out of your tree over trivia to be honest

I only tipped a taxi driver .50p on Friday. THat was because a journey that normally only costs £8 costed £11.50 for some inexplicable reason (the taxis in the city I live don't have metres). Anyway, I didn't expect him to thank me for the tip and he did look a bit cheesed off. Ho hum. Your DH is fricking twat btw.

"I'd be mortified if anyone tipped a cab in my company with less than a paper note even if the meter said 60p"
I went out on Friday for the first time in 12 months. I could barely afford that but it was DH's xmas do and there was an expectation to go. I'd be mortified if my friend's were mortified at me not having a spare fiver to tip a taxi driver with - in fact I'd think they were shallow and ridiculous to be so judgemental and horrified by someone not having, gasp, money to give away.

Jog on? Is he 15?

Oooh I have an ex like this too. So much so that when dh once behaved in a similarly nobbish fashion (in our car - most unlike him) I just told him to stop and let me drive because I wouldn't put up with it ever again. He was furious but complied. I'm not sure what my ex would have done because I never, ever challenged him -and he needed someone to challenge him. I wasn't up for a relationship that requires that on a regular basis, and I am still not.

I do think the drink sounds relevant tbh and chucking Lego wasn't your finest hour.

In your situation I think I would set up an account with a taxi firm in my own name, and would tell dh why I was doing it.

I believe the kind intepretation of this would be that, when your DH feels insecure etc.., he goes on the attack. i.e., he feels a bit shamefaced about crap tip but also doesn't want to tip more, therefore, convinces himself that taxi driver is ungrateful etc and he (DH) has every justification to be angry. You challenge him on his unreasonable behaviour, it gets to him, starts to bring the uncomfortable, I'm not good enough, feeling back up, so he goes on the attack with you, pushes the blame back to you.

I would ask him to attend anger management therapy in order to give your DC the chance to break the cycle of unpleasant behaviour that he appears to have picked up from his family.

OP, did you say you've been being bullied at work for a year now? And not told your DH? That's really sad.

Hope you're getting good help in rl on the work thing.

Lots of worrying things about your DH, as someone else has said, he clearly thinks you're beneath him. Horrible.

Also, why did the day have to be "perfect", do you walk on eggshells / try hard for him?

In your shoes and after that much booze I would've chucked more than lego!

Your h sounds like an utter arsehole

I wouldn't have him in my life

I suppose someone has to, though

Why you ?

Well I got an apology from him the next morning, but we haven't really talked about it, and I still feel very frosty about the whole thing.

In terms of the tip - it was more a matter of rounding up - fare was £3.40 and he paid £4.00. That's why I was so about expecting to be thanked.

Whoever said this was trivia -had it not been the fact that we had to spend over 2 hours giving statements to the police because the driver from the last taxi we were in threatened to kill DH - then I can understand. But as it is, we have had police at our door, we had to explain to DC why police were at the house, I can no longer use the taxi firm we used to (my choice - the management phoned and were apologetic, but I don't want to run the risk of getting into a taxi with the same driver), and I am still worried that the previous driver may find out where we live - then no, sorry, in my view it is anything but trivial when DH starts giving back chat to a taxi driver when he is right outside our house.

I don't generally walk on eggshells around him - I had hoped for a lovely day together as we so rarely have any time without the kids.

Anyway, all your posts have given me plenty to think about.

OK - my DH is a tax driver. He did the job a few years ago for about 3 months when he first moved to the UK because I did not want him to work for the UK arm of the firm that he worked for in his home country. He then got a good job in sales and quit. Fast forward a few years and he has gone back to taxi-driving. He likes the complete lack of stress (he does not find dealing with drunkards or tossers particularly stressful although your DH could probably stretch even his patience OP) the ability to choose his own hours which means that we now have DS in nursery for just a couple of sessions based on the fact that DS really enjoys nursery rather than a childcare need and he gets instant reward for extra work/hours whereas in sales he had to wait for the quarterly or annual bonus. In his home country he was international salesman of the year and once earned £50k in commissions in a month. His annual income would not have been super high because my DH works to live so having earned £50k he then took the next 4 months off and enjoyed it!

What does your DH expect from a 60p tip? My DH would say thankyou because the nonsensical dance that we do in the UK when exchanging money/giving change etc is to say thank you several times and he follows that but there would be no specific thank you for the 60p tip. Most people give a rounded up tip simply because it is easier for them than waiting for the change! Just how much gratitude would be required for your DH to be satisfied or is the reality that he is just looking for an excuse/any excuse to start a row? A really nasty characteristic.

My DH is intelligent, earns well and more so than most people I have ever met, has his priorities in the right place. your DH is an arse and has no business even thinking that taxi drivers etc should be "grateful" to him and certainly not that they are beneath him or less intelligent than him.

I'm sorry your day was spoiled but I bet it wont be the last one unfortunately!

I think someone with this degree of arrogance and entitlement is going going to ruin many more social and family occasions in the future, that is for sure

What a way to live

he sounds like an idiot. i hate guys like that, sorry. and hope you two dont end up fighting when youre drunk in front of your kids, especially at christmas, that would be horrible for them. take care.

anyfucker - ive had 2 mince pies today - and its only dec 6th! theyre 250 cals as well! will be healthy all week now so i can have another couple next tues when im off.

Shit mrsmplus3 are they really 250 cals each? I've had a whole box this week.

Sorry to hijack, OP. Your DH is still an arrogant prick I'm afraid.

yes! i just checked cause i was actually going to take a third one! saw they were 250 each and didnt dare. i feel so bad. but they were amazing, heated up, with single cream. eek.

I have a daily mince pie, mrsm

it's good for the health

ill keep that in mind tomorrow then

Give your dh a tip of 60p when you next get some action.