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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crap end to a perfect day

68 replies

NumbAndShocked · 02/12/2011 23:17

It should have been lovely. It was lovely - up to a point.

Me & DH were both off work today. We did some chores around the house together, then I treated him to his favourite lunch out (dim sum), we did some Christmas shopping together and said how lovely it was being together without the kids.

We got home, he got, ahem, some action, then he went to the gym. So far this is his perfect day.

Went out for dinner tonight, and on the way back, getting out of the taxi, my DH is really rude to the taxi driver, saying 'we won't be getting you again'. This is because the taxi driver didn't thank him for the 60p he added to the fare as a tip. Hmm

Once in the house, I told him I thought he was really rude to the taxi driver, and said I thought he was bringing trouble to our door unnecessarily, as we had been dropped right outside the house and driver therefore knows where we live, yet my DH thinks it's acceptable to give back chat. DH totally aggressive towards me, claims taxi driver was speeding (he wasn't, I could see his speedo and it was below the limit) and that he was really uncivil, and that all he was doing was giving the taxi driver a 'wake up call'. I don't think he should expect a taxi driver to doff his cap for a 60p tip. Driver was perfectly pleasant to me.

We ended up having to spend 2 hours giving statements to the police a few weeks ago after my DH had a row with another taxi driver, who ended up telling him he would 'fucking take him out' in not dissimilar circumstances. - it seems DH has an expectation that taxi drivers should be deferential towards him.

I can't understand why he won't just keep his mouth shut when it comes to taxi drivers.

Big row - DH tells me to 'jog on', I flip & I throw a bit of lego at him. Probably shouldn't have, but I despise his supercilious attitude. Now it's all my fault, and I have anger issues. I tell DH if he ever tells me to jog on again, he will know what anger issues really are.

It's only the 2nd of December. Sorry for the ramble, just need to vent.

OP posts:
crazyspaniel · 03/12/2011 11:54

for me, the measure of someone is how they behave towards people who aren't as fortunate / well-paid / well educated etc.

This is precisely it. I couldn't be with someone who behaved as you have described. It's worse than ignorance, it's absolutely vicious and despicable. I'm actually shocked by your story.

DamnDeDoubtance · 03/12/2011 11:56

I used to be with someone who held everyone else in utter contempt. I left hin and have never looked back.

Hullygully · 03/12/2011 12:02

arse

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 03/12/2011 12:05

I don't tip taxi drivers.

Hullygully · 03/12/2011 12:15

that's nice of you

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/12/2011 12:34

60p tip for a taxi? I'd be mortified if anyone tipped a cab in my company with less than a paper note even if the meter said 60p

What the jeff? You tip taxi drivers at least a fiver? No matter how long the journey?
I round the fare up to the nearest quid. Is that unreasonable? However I don't expect thanks for it. I pay taxi drivers to do a job and they charge me handsomely for it. Tipping on top, unless they are exceptionally helpful, is not necessary IMO...

SilentNotViolentNight · 03/12/2011 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasStrapon · 03/12/2011 13:18

With attitudes like that he is not good with kids. He is setting an appalling example and I, for one, would be absolutely mortified by his behaviour. About time he learnt that truly classy people do not judge people the way he does. Everyone with a skill should be valued.

Bet his family is new money.

ImperialBlether · 03/12/2011 13:29

I, too, noticed that he got some action, but that the OP didn't.

When I read about his liking for deference, I became very uncomfortable about his BJ - just how he must love himself, you on your knees, him getting the BJ, nothing in it for you.

He does sound horrible, OP and yes, there is a likelihood your children will learn how to behave from him. And yes again, you should judge someone on how they behave with the weakest in society. He wouldn't pass that test, would he?

helendigestives · 03/12/2011 13:52

Urgh, I had an ex like him. He thought everyone paid less than him, everyone who wasn't public school & Oxbridge (i.e. everyone he had arbitrarily decided was not as important as him) - he thought they weren't really worthy of his respect. They were invisible until he needed them, and then he'd treat them with frustration and anger because he 'had' to interact with them.

I kind of imagine he didn't really see them as people, not really. Mostly he just looked through them. Or would use lots of negative adjectives to describe them ('cattle', 'stupid', 'doomed', 'ignorant masses', etc.)

Glad to be rid of him!

yellowraincoat · 03/12/2011 14:15

You know, thinking about it, my father, especially my dad and brother are like this. We are not in any way posh, but they look down on EVERYONE. Everyone is thick, an idiot, a wanker, pointless. I actually cannot STAND spending time with them, I just have to leave them to it.

The thought of being married to someone like that is horrid.

cornflowers · 03/12/2011 15:22

My father (successful self-made man) is rather like this, too. He really seems to enjoy putting waiters, shop assistants, tradesmen etc in their 'place'. My mother on the other hand had a privileged upbringing but is pleasant to everyone she meets. I'd like to hope I take after my mother, but my father's influence has translated into a Very nasty, superior, born-to-rule type attitude in at least one of my brothers. I'd definitely be concerned about the example your dh is setting to your dc, op.

Sparks1 · 03/12/2011 16:15

Sorry OP but your OH is a complete and utter knob when he behaves like this.

I work in a decently paid management job but yesterday had the most vile woman screaming down the phone at me telling me she was going to make sure i lost my job. All over a bit of touching up of paint on her house that hadn't been done within 24 hours of us finishing at her property.

Sod the fact we were actually there to stop her flooding with raw sewerage,or that we'd fixed some electrical faults in their house for free.

And all because she lives in an expensive bit of London. People like that are scum in my opinion. So i did exactly what i'd do to anyone like that and put the phone down on her. She will also now be at the back of the queue on my priority list.

People who behave like your OH are pathetic and inadequate with gaping gaps in their social skills. I honestly don't know how you can live with someone like that.

Chandon · 03/12/2011 16:31

agree, this is really quite a big deal.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 03/12/2011 16:55

yello, care to give the initials of the raging media twat you know? I know a very similar media twat like this...could they be one and the same? Wink

yellowraincoat · 03/12/2011 17:14

I doubt it unlikely, how can you tell one media twat from the other? You give me your twat's initials, I don't want to out myself.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 03/12/2011 17:50

lol! surname begins with F

Bunbaker · 03/12/2011 18:03

"I didn't think he was overly drunk, but his behaviour seems so irrational that maybe he was. 1 bottle of wine between us before we went out. 1 bottle at dinner, then he had a liqueur - I wasn't really paying attention to who was having the lion's share."

That is a lot of alcohol for two people. OH and I share one bottle between us.

I'm sorry, but your OH's superior attitude is horrible. The way he behaves towards people he believes are his inferiors is unbelievably rude and unacceptable. There is no way I would treat someone like that. And guess what - I always get treated with consideration and respect.

yellowraincoat · 03/12/2011 18:19

Nah, not the same twat, UA. Toldya, there's a lot of them out there :)

UnlikelyAmazonian · 03/12/2011 20:17
Grin
MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 03/12/2011 20:49

Why would anyone tip a taxi driver?

Why is that 'nice' of me, hully?

It's not like they're cheap! Confused

fiventhree · 04/12/2011 15:23

I tend to think that when people talk down or behave rudely to others, then there is likely to be a power issue involved. They need to point up their power because they feel inferior in some way.

IloveJudgeJudy · 04/12/2011 17:05

When I worked in an office we all went out for Xmas dinner. Contract workers, too. One contract worker did not have their contract renewed because of the way they spoke to the waiters. Nothing was said to the contractor, but I definitely know that is the reason. That was not the way that the company liked people working for them to treat others.

Floggingmolly · 04/12/2011 17:19

Op, you day you would be horrified if any of your children were like this when they grow up. Think about that statement. You sound like you have (understandably) zero respect for your DH, and the chances of your children not inheriting some of his less salubrious qualities with him constantly modelling them, are, frankly, slim.

MrsCampbellBlack · 04/12/2011 17:27

I do think you can tell an awful lot about someone by how they talk to waiters/taxi drivers etc.

Being rude and aggressive to a taxi driver is just really horrid behaviour.

If I were you I would tell him that he needs to seek help for his anger issues and if he's not willing to do so then you won't continue in the relationship.

And I totally agree that how he behaves will impact on your childre after all we're always banging on about modelling appropriate behaviour.

Good luck.

Oh and a 60p tip is a bit insulting really unless the fare was £2.00.

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