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[Wretched]

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Sorry, that was a test. I have had to name change.

Basically I need some help, feel like I might lose it tonight.

I am six and a half months pregnant, exhausted and my partner of eight years does not want anything to do with the pregnancy, he says he will start being bothered when the baby is here, but until then I can just suck it up as I wanted this baby, so I can quit moaning. I try to shrug it off and carry on but I feel so rejected, the tears never seem far from me. Please someone hold my hand I feel so sad tonight.

Did he want the baby before you got pregnant, or is he getting cold feet as it draws nearer? I can only imagine how hard this is, you poor thing, just a hug and someone to bring you a cuppa would make such a difference. Is he normally a shit?

Should add, we have another child and he is a wonderful father. But he never really was bothered about having another. Didn't use contraception for two years though.

There are multiple other issues but I feel his heart has really hardened towards me during this pregnancy, I have been left to get on with it for the duration, don't know if I can ever forgive and come back from this.

Kick him out and change the locks.

What a tosser!

What the fuck? He's basically what, leaving you or treating you like shit until the baby arrives... And then he'll magically be a good dad to the new baby?

Ha. Fuck off. (him not you)

Well if you didn't use contraception for two years what did he expect would happen, he's hardly in a position to say he doesn't want it now. Why didn't the tosser insist on using something then instead of making you feel like shit now?

Is he doing anything nice for you? I'm not sure I could forgive this.

He wanted to wait until we were more financially settled, we rent privately and between us earn around 35k so very middle of the road, I felt the age gap of 7 years between baby and dd was enough and didn't want to wait any longer. It has taken 2 years to fall pregnant but we weren't actually ttc in a big way. He is very hardworking and being short of money really does bother him. It seems to overshadow any joy he may have felt about a sibling for our other child. He just cannot seem to be happy about it or excited, he just keeps repeating that we have a very long road ahead and he hopes I am happy as its what I wanted.

He did actually have a part in this baby too! I'm so so sad this can't be a happier time for us. It could well be my last pregnancy and it's tainted with negativity. I'm sleeping on the sofa with tissues and sore eyes again. Sad.

We are only a young couple, 28 and 27. Life should be all ahead of us. Our dd is the best thing that ever happened to either of us and we have worked so very hard to give her a good life and get our qualifications, despite being young parents. I thought this time we could relax and enjoy things more considering our accomplishments, and how different our lives are from when dd arrived unexpectedly all those years ago. I have waited so patiently for this very much loved baby.

Rough shooting, nothing nice really. He asked me to carry a freezer with him out of the back of a van on the weekend! Now, I'm no pfb princess. But I'm starting to tire of his disregard for my tiredness, and avoidance of my condition. I did carry the freezer :(

He won't rub my back, insists on eating meals which set my indigestion off ( trying to save money so I wont cook separate things) never helps me carry shopping or even fetch the laundry basket ( which he crams to the brim) from upstairs.

This sounds really whingeing and petty :(

He is always known for his manners and consideration to his friends/family. It's only me that gets this treatment. It feels like punishment.

I don't know what to say. I just can't imagine how horrible this must be making you feel. You poor thing.

Was about to ask why you're the one on the sofa, when 6.5mo pregnant, but I guess you've answered that one.

He is punishing you for getting pregnant with a child he clearly does not want.

Im sorry he is treating you so badly, can he not move out for a while>

Are you going to continue letting him walk all over you?

You carried a Freezer and are sleeping on the Sofa?

As for the money thing, you are hardly destitute. He's using that as an excuse to behave like an arsehole basically.

I can't stand to lie beside him. That's why. He has ruined this precious six months for me which didn't need to be this way. We are blessed.

It's worse this time for me as I lost my mum a couple of years ago and have nobody to turn to for chats/getting excited about the baby, even a bit of shopping for cute little baby things. It's sad, I feel so lonely.

I really am running out of ideas as to how to toughen myself up to this. I work full time, the house is clean and meals always on the table when he comes home. Also am trying to squeeze in lots of time with dd before baby arrives as she has been an only one up to now. I can't do any more to be self sufficient really. I haven't been lying on my back wanting grapes peeled all pregnancy.

What would happen if you told him that his attitude is upsetting you to such a degree that you're not sure you're going to be able to come back from it? And if you refused to carry heavy things around when he expects it, or to cook things you don't fancy, as one of you clearly needs to look out for the baby and it's obviously not going to be him.

Tell him to fuck off with his heavy lifting.

And, if you're doing the cooking then he eats what you want to cook. If that's boiled chicken and rice, then he should be bloody grateful.

You both work full time, yes? Then whether you have kids or not, only 50% of the housework is your responsibility. Make a list of tasks that need to be done and decide which half you are prepared to do. He needs to do the other half.

PS A 7 year old is old enough to have a few tasks too (like bringing own laundry to the machine, clearing plates from table and loading dishwasher if you've got one) so you could slant things more towards that if you want to try and avoid confrontation...

I have told him tonight that I will not forget this cold treatment. Ever.

He called me a dick and went upstairs.

He would love chicken and rice! I am more of a traditional meat and two veg girl. He would cook, but he gets home a lot later than me and me and dd need to eat earlier. I usually plate his up ready for later.

Just feel so damn unhappy. When I should have so much to look forward to. I feel cheated.

Do you want to stay in this relationship?

You buy food that you like that doesn't give you indigestion - if he wants anything different, he buys and cooks it.

If he doesn't bring the laundry basket down, only your own and dd's clothes get washed.

No more lifting and carrying for him - next time he wants a freezer moving he can call up one of his mates.

The irony is that he may well turn into a doting daddy when dc2 puts in an appearance but by then the damage will be done - you'll never look at him in the same way again, and whatever love you feel for him will forever be tainted by memories of his childish behaviour at what should be an exciting time for you both.

If you can bring yourself to do it, tell him to sling his hook and come back when/if he grows up.

Firstly, please don't let him bully you into doing things you feel could endanger either yourself or the baby. Please look after yourself and your baby (and DD)

He is being a jerk and no amount of money worries or new baby worries he may have can justify this behaviour

Have you pointed out to him that the way he is acting will be obvious to DD and this makes him less than a wonderful Dad? At 7 she will be picking up on this

Is there anyone he could go and stay with? For your own health and sanity you may need to consider kicking him out

His attitude stinks - he is this baby's dad and that is from conception - not just birth

Is there anyone in RL you can talk to?

Izzy, you have it right. He will be the best dad ever, once again. And that will re warm my hear to some extent. But the memories of how I've been made to feel these past few months just won't go away. They will become a wedge between us. And he will say I created it by getting pregnant in the first place! Round in circles.

Clam, yes, very much I absolutely adore him, he is the love of my life. He is ordinarily very different. Not overly affectionate, but certainly not ignorant and selfish.

"I have told him tonight that I will not forget this cold treatment. Ever"

Good on you This is the consequence of his behaviour, not you being a bad wife - you are reacting to him being a bad husband!

He's a heartless pig OP. I lost my Mam just over a year ago and am pregnant with my first too. I can't imagine how you feel with him treating you so cruelly and coldly.

Is there anyone in RL you can confide in? A friend, a sister?

I wouldn't bother making his dinner or anything else, why should you...he is not living up to his end of the bargain.

Right now you need a bit of kindness and support not this shithead raining his negativity down on you. He should be ashamed of himself.

I feel very lonely and upset right now but could never harm my lovely little baby or dd. it's the thought of plastering another brave face on tomorrow that I just can't stand.

I have some friends, but I'm a very private person, and more so since the death of my mother ( sudden, accidental death). It made me very insular. Ironically the person I usually save my falling apart for is him! He is my place of safety normally.

He just doesn't seem to like me when I'm vulnerable. I'm usually a very highly independent person, I think that's what attracts him to me as he is very similar.