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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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80 replies

Wretched · 29/11/2011 22:25

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OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/12/2011 12:23

"What I would like to do is keep my family together. I do really love him and i know he does love me. But he has the sensitivity of a pig sometimes".

He does not know the meaning of the word love. Keeping your family together with him will mean that your children pay a high price in the long term. Why do you want to keep this broken and unhealthy relationship together, is it basically out of a fear of being alone with two children?.

I can see what he gets out of it; he has a willing complaint person/mug of a woman who he has beaten down deliberately over the years. He has no respect for you whatsoever, he treats you like he feels you deserve to be treated. And he does this as well because he can; this is all about power and control. He has taken what little self esteem you had to start with when you met him and systematically destroyed it.

I feel too for your child and your unborn in all this; they will see and hear their parents private war with each other (you cannot protect them fully from the abuse he metes out to you) and their house will not be the sanctuary you and your children deserve.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships, would you want either of your children to have a emotionally unhealthy and abusive relationship (and he is abusive) like the one you're in. You're showing your child that this is acceptable treatment of yourself; itself a damaging lesson.

No more carrying freezers either.

I am very sorry to read about your mother's passing; CRUSE bereavement care may help you with your feelings.

mollyscarlettmum · 01/12/2011 13:40

I second getting in touch with CRUSE, my mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly this time last year whilst I was pregnant with our DS1, I tried to carry on and be strong but this just led to PND. CRUSE will help you with your feelings of loss for your mother and this might then enable you to deal with the other things you have going on.

BelleRomford74 · 01/12/2011 14:31

I can understand where you are coming from with this although my story not as severe... I am 28 weeks pregnant & the father has rejected me & his baby from the day I found out I was pregnant & told him. We were not in a serious relationship & do not live together but however he is my neighbour. At first his rejection (being total silence, not responding to any of my attempts to open communications) really really hurt me. I was hurt for my baby mostly & in a way for me too, I could'nt believe someone who had been so nice & caring for months could be so heartless, but the more he ignored me the more angry I got & the hurt was replaced by me really disliking him!! (Hate is a strong word) Then a few weeks ago he broke his silence to verbally abuse me on my doorstep & threaten me. He said my unborn son was a c@nt of a baby & he wishes the bast@@d dead!!!!

Hey from that minute I realised his attitude was never gonna change, not even the sight of his newborn son could melt the heart of someone who would say such things!!! So now even in a zillion to one shot he wanted contact when my baby is born there is no way I would allow it, I would fear for my sons safety!! After that evening once I dried my tears & picked myself up I felt so much stronger & I know I will cope with being a single parent far better than he will be an astranged one!!!

My point I supposed really is your other half needs to know he is pushing you away & he may push you so far you never come back!! How does he feel about that? & sorry to say this are you sure his behaviour will change once the baby is born?? I know you have been together a long time & probably think you know him but a few years ago would you have believed he could treat you as badly as he is now?? I really feel for you but right now if I were you I would think huge red flag for the future of your relationship!! x

Tallypet · 02/12/2011 09:30

I'm really sorry this is happening to you... my heart really does go out to you. This man sounds like an utter pig and treats you like filth. Don't you realise you deserve better than this?
Do not lift any more heavy things
Leave the laundry basket as is - if he wants clean clothes he can sort it out (just wash your stuff when he's not looking Grin
Get back in that bed and get a good nights sleep, send him off to to the sofa - he doesn't deserve to be treated nicely after treating you like crap
HE knew you weren't on contraception... HE knew the chances of you getting pregnant would be high - if he didn't it might be time to buy him a Sex Ed book.

As I'm typing I'm getting so mad on your behalf! If I had ten minutes with him he'd be back to apologise to you so quickly his tiny little head would spin.

I hope he grows up soon because he really does sound like an immature little boy.

ChitChattingElf · 02/12/2011 09:45

You need to tell him what you told us, that "[you] will NEVER not for one minute regret this baby. Even if it does end our relationship"

It might make him wake up and realise just how important the baby is for you.

The way you're coming across makes me sad, actually. You sound so accepting of his crap. EVERYONE has times in their lives when they aren't strong and independent and they need their nearest and dearest to step up to the mark. What would happen if, God forbid, you had a serious accident or illness and you were reliant on his care long term? What would he do then? Judging by what you've said it's pretty obvious that he would just remove himself from you, and that's just awful.....

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