The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

indie thank you for that comment, How are you my friend?
faire we sound similar. Its habit and I almost force myself to do it sometimes just because. So why can't I force myself not to?
silver keep it up - you are doing well.
Thurso how are you my comrade in arms?
obrigada - I can relate to feeling like that too!

You're right Bproud. When I'm drinking, my subconscious or not so subconscious tells me that I don't deserve help or care, or that I'm wasting people's time by asking!

I will go actually, my new year present to myself

You are an inspiration by the way! You all are.
I'll come back in the new year and let you know how I get on.
Thanks all for letting me interrupt!

Hello all,
Hi curious welcome, no interrupting done at all, just glad that you, and anyone else would like to join the bus have posted..

Ma my matey, how has everything gone for you? I was so joyous to have my boys home for Christmas, but bloody hell has DC1 taken lessons in how to sabotage a day, much lovesick mooning around, because he misses GF, but not gracious enough to to reply to any conversation openers, straight faced to any attempts (so sorry, my mum and dad, I think I was like this!!!).

Christmas was a bit of a double edged sword, in that I am so lucky to have my family around me, and I do love them very much, but, my crikey, so much work!!, and I (shamefully) begrudged all Christmas morning stuck in the kitchen when my boys are home for such a short time this year. My sister is quite ill, and can't contribute, and Mum and Dad have done so much for us all in the past, but, really next year, I just want to take a break from the massive day, maybe a nice commune somewhere (I wish).

Saf I really worried about you the other day, hence my hasty post, I hope that things are calming down for you now.

I am having a bit of a crisis at 6pm every night, thinking, if I drink then I won't be stressed, but, haven't succumbed too badly so far, a couple of glasses before dinner, and then I'm really tired, but who knows what tonight will bring?

Sending you love all Babes. xxxx

P.S Mouse You are a brilliant Mummy, and don't forget it xxxxxx

Evening Babes, tis me, Mouse

Curious - welcome to the Bus, great to see that you are posting . I agree with Bproud that you need to get yourself checked out NOW rather then in a bit, after you've stopped drinking.

I found my LFT (liver function test) a real eye opener. I knew I was drinking too much, but I didn't think my body wasn't handling it. I felt fine, just a bit sluggish maybe.

My LFT came back showing high levels of alcohol consumption that was 'sat' in my liver, waiting to be processed.

It scared me to death. For the first week, then a few more days after that. I was booze free the whole time.

Now, I drink when I can keep control over it.

Take last night, I had 2 halves of cider and 2 glasses if wine, over a 6 hour period. Which when you include food and a couple of soft drinks, isn't so bad. Not for one night. But for EVERY NIGHT, it all builds up. Thing is, my GP has told me not to drink more than the recommended weekly/daily limits. Well, I tell a lie, he told me to STOP drinking when the results came through.

I told him that I couldn't so he said to stick to the gov guidelines and try to have a few days off booze a week too.

I can do that, but I can also not do that, it all depends on what kind of day I've had, how very pathetic.

Obrigada - do you want to talk about anything? Sorry that you are so down xx

Where the bloody hell have you been madam

You are so missed on here lovely.

Day three nearly over - wey hey - and despite all the shit going on I am feeling OK.

Roll on Day Four

I'm ready for ya

xxxxxx

Thank you thurso - that's very nice of you to say. Some days it doesn't seem like that. Some days it feels as though everything, including Nemo is against me. The more he tries to communicate, the more he lashes out and hits me.

We'll get there though, one day

Silver - keep going my girl! You are doing bloody brilliantly.

MissP - fab post! What a lovely post to read, so very positive. xx

Mouse , not pathetic at all. The many threads you Babes have produced is proof of the fact this is a proper struggle for so many of us (and yes I've read them all!!)

I will make that appointment in the new year. I want this next year to be a turning point for me.

Morning all. Hope you all had a good night and are facing the day with a clear head.

2 glasses of wine with dinner last night as I stupidly thought that it would be a little treat after my 6 alcohol free days. I feel a bit disappointed. I only intended to have 1, and thought that this week had proved that my problem is just in my mind. Had to finish the bottle, but at least I didn't have anything else, and resumed the soft drinks.

I know that this is a minor lapse, but maybe I had to do that to show that I need to be drink free for some time to see if I can ever get the control back again. I am so bloody competitive that I think I thought a week would do it, and that I somehow would find it easier than anyone else. I am an eejit.

So back on the bus today - back to 'just for today I won't have a drink'. I am lucky in that DH is really supportive, as he can take or leave it, so I know he will help. Best of luck Babes- just for today.

It's a good lesson to learn MaryWisely. I see a lot of this process not as an absoloute success or failure, but more as a giant experiment - what works for me in keeping sober (e.g. not having the first drink), what are my particular triggers (irritation and defiance), what happens if I do drink, can I control my drinking (would I ever really want to?) etc. I have learnt a lot about myself.

One of the things I found out early on was how habitual my drinking pattern was, and how difficult it was to change that habit. It took a long time to form new habits. I liken it to trying to brush your teeth with your toothbrush in your left hand (if you are normally right handed) - it is hateful and difficult at first, and you don't even feel as though your teeth are clean. Eventually you get better at it, but for a long time it is still easier (and a blessed relief) to revert to the normal habit.

morning!!!

mary, i cannot tell the amount of times i did a week 'dry' and thought 'HAH!! i cracked it'! within days i would be back to the same levels of consumption if not even a bit more! i have done so many deals with myself, made myself innumerable promises that 'this time would be different' etc, it never was! - i think what changed for me was to stop my 'alcoholic thinking' and start to try and think like a sober person - sober people, even those who like the odd drink dont have to promise themselves or make deals, they just dont have a 'need' for the drink iyswim? - i think once you start to do the deals with yourself its time to admit that there is actually a problem here and face it head on! hopefully you are not as far down the line as i got (dh with ultimatums and dd hating me! ) fwiw, i understand the competitive side of this too, im buggered if im going to drink now and break my record! some people didnt think i could do this, well, i'll bloody well show them! (god, im child at times, tbh though, if my immaturity keeps me sober then so be it! )

Thanks venus and jesus. Now there's a phrase I never thought I would write!

I think yesterday was good for me in a way, as I have realised that I really do have a problem with having just one drink. That is always the plan, but not very often the outcome. It leads to just one more, then finishing the bottle, then bugger it, I might as well have something more now that I have had that much. And so it goes on.

So I think the one day at a time approach is the one I have to stick to. Admittedly this last week has bizarrely been helped by feeling so sick, but now I am better, I have to use determination alone. As I read through these threads, I realise just how difficult some people find life because of ill children or relationship problems or illness - or even being afraid of saying that they have a problem. I may not often reply to each of you on here - I don't feel equipped, nor do I feel that I know enough about you to comment - but I wish for you all to find a solution which brings you calm and control, no matter what your problem.

I am very lucky as DH understands my situation without condemning me, and will help and support as much as he can. Even if I asked him not to drink again, he would do that - but I am not going to. We have to live in a world full of alcohol, and learn how to manage our relationships with it. Oddly, all I have said to my 2 grown up DSs is that I am cutting down for my health, as I don't want to make it a problem for them. They know I 'like a drink', and one of them even gave me an extremely posh bottle of vodka as one of my Christmas presents - but that will not be opened for a very long time. Fortunately not my tipple of choice!

I am in agreement with you, jesus, that wanting to bloody well show people that you can do this is a daft, but effective motivator. Being bloody minded and stubborn helps as well, I think, so here's hoping for a year when I get back in control again.

Happy days, Babes. Sorry if this is a bit long - will go away now.

afternoon babes.

just checking in.

hope everyone is doing well x

hello saf!! you all alright babe?

meh! i'm ok. at the minute i feel ok for a few hours in the morning on waking which is nice then all the anxiety/downess kicks in which is not so nice.

can't go on forever.

thanks for asking.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I've just got out of bed. I'm proper poorly today.

DH has gone out to get more supplies of Lemsip? and cough tincture.

I'm so super sick of being sick. I want to be well. My pain levels are through the roof and I've had to up my morphine again which I hate but I can barely walk.

I'm even scared to go up the stairs in case I fall back down.

Sorry for the me post, just wanted to check in and see that the newer posters were still on TheBus with us.

Saf - keep going, just one minute at a time. Is DS back with you? xx

Curious - please do make that appointment. You need to be honest when you see your GP. I mean, really raw bones honest. If you tell your GP you drink 15 units per week, he or she will add 10 in their mind. Plus you LFT will come back to paint you a very true to life picture of your drinking habits so why bother stretching the truth? Assuming that you would, most of us have on here.

I know I learnt from that. You can lie, your body can't. So, in the NY, get your tush into gear and take control of what you drink, there are some truly gorgeous soft drinks around these days.

Or you could go for a JesusSpecial - an N&T, a 'Nothing and Tonic' with a slice or two of lime in a tall glass with ice. And if it's a special occasion, stick a brolly in it too!

Right, back to bed for me. Bluerrrgggggggggggggggggggggggh.

oh mouse sorry to hear you are ill. Hope you can get some rest and help to recover. Got cabin fever here - forgotten how fraught it is having five of us all at home at once. Hate this long drawn out holiday,wish I was back at work. Been out for a walk in the rain/snow and got soaked to the skin but needed the head space.

Very quiet this evening. What's everyone up to and what are your plans for NYE? I will be having a quiet night in as I'm going to a New Years Day party which will be a bit of a family affair.

Last night (well early hours of this morning really) me and hose lay on the trampoline looking up at the stars. It had rained mostly all day and today it's all cloud-covered too but in the night, wow. It was amazing, so clear and bright and crisply cold. The stars seemed closer or bigger or more numerous or something (and no, I only had two glasses of wine yesterday so wasn't seeing double ). Just thought I would share that with you as it was quite breathtaking and a timely reminder of all that's amazing all around us if we only look for it .

I put my new calender up today and for January it says "I have a strong will, and a weak won't" . Took me a while, but made me smile when I got it.

Hey Babes

Checking in - on nightshift at DMs

Day Four nearly over - been exhausting but busy.

Post more tomorrow.

ME at Day 4 - who knew

Night Night xxxx

Hello all. Have lurked for a while and with the New Year approaching have decided to join. Another middle aged woman who drinks too much wine and is finding it harder to deal with the days after when have drunk too much. Am beginning to feel old and tired out by it all and just want to feel calmer and less guilty especially as DCs are getting older and noticing it all more these days. As Isinde said have been through a few groundhog days but am hoping that 2012 will be the end of them.

Have a good NYE all - I am going to have a drink today but am hoping that it will just be the one before I head off in a more sober direction.

Morning Babes! Welcome Msbojo you will find a lot of help and support here. Isindie it is always lovely to hear from you, great to hear that all is well with you and yours, stay with us, whatever is going on! Silver yay for you - keep at it, you are doing great.

Worst day of the holidays for me, I really don't like the forced jollity of NYE [eyeore emoticon]
DH LOVES it and since he has no empathy whatsoever is unable to comprehend my apprehension. We are going to a large party where everyone except me will be drinking, and I do mean everyone, since it is a walking distance venue for us all. I'm not worried about being tempted to drink but we all know that drunk people are not the best company.

I am a sociophobe anyway, I actually started drinking many years ago in order to overcome the uncontrollable shaking I experienced in social situations!
Sorry I am drivelling, but I have to get this out so I can build myself up to going out with a smile on my face later. I hope you all have a good day, stay mindfull, stay safe, have fun

Morning Brpoud, I can really identify with why you started drinking and I still find it hard in social situations without a drink. So sometimes would rather stay at home but I know that's a cop out. But just think you'll be the only one leaving the party knowing that you'll be feeling great tomorrow, and that's priceless.

Welcome msbojo from another middle-aged woman who drinks too much :)
I don't know whether or not I'm going to have a drink today but I'm staying in tonight with DD so not much point. The good thing for me now is that there's no drink left in the house. When I have a stash of wine it's fatal because it means that when I get a craving I can act on it immediately. If there's none at home I have to think about going out and getting some and that delay often means that I decide not to drink. Someone wise here said a craving only lasts a few minutes and always goes. I'm trying to keep that in mind and am just taking it an hour at a time.

Happy new year to you all.

BOING!!!!

isindi, lovely post you daft mare! you better stick with us! ive no intention of losing you my friend!!!

well, im off partying ALL DAY!!! meeting up with dds inlaws for lunch then big boisterious party tonight! i wll be dancing my feet off (wearing my best beautiful silver sparkly 5in heels! ) i shall be snogging the face of dh and possibly a few other fellas i take a fancy to! and i shall be doing it all sober!!!

all you wobblers out there, try and get tonight over with and think about tomorrow, a whole new bright shiny new year and a whole new bright shiny new sober you!

i love you lot loads!!!

L XXXX

whatever you all do, stay safe!

HAPPY NEW YEAR - well nearly

Day Five - sleepless night on Mum's sofa listening to every breath, grunt, snore on the baby monitor. Dropped off about 5 and woken and half eight

Bleagh

But it's not a hungover Bleagh

isindie me old mucker - come join me on the waggon Babe.

Hope everyone else is peaceful and chilled. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning all

I am staying in tonight. Ds wants to stay up til midnight so might drag some board games out to keep us all awake if I've got the energy. I've got a 20cl bottle of cava which I might have but really not bothered about drinking today. I want to enjoy my day out tomorrow .

No doubt there will be a bit of a fireworks show tonight as half the neighbours seem to have taken to letting them off at midnight. (Must make sure the cat's in). Then we can all get some peace and quiet and go to bed!

BProud I do feel for you. A room full of drunks is not good company I agree. Could you not develop a 'headache' and get off home a bit earlier perhaps?

Isinde if you are drinking right now, just accept it. It is what it is. When you are ready to stop again, you will. And we will be here to support you.

Silver you must be starting to feel pretty great about yourself (despite the lack of sleep). What are your plans for tonight, will you be back home?

msbojo looking forward to talking to you more in the new year

Right, this house isn't going to hoover itself, laters x