The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

thanks venus i had a small glass of wine with lunch and then switched to soft drinks. there is alcohol in the house but thus far i'm choosing not to drink any of it.

i think it will be camomile tea for me next once i get the boy settled in bed and have read him some of his latest book on dinosaurs and left him to the care of his christmas teddy bear (t-rex told me he wanted help in his looking after ds at night work so i had to buy a very soft teddy to share the night shift).

well done silver.

mouse i hope the perked upness of nemo has continued and i hope so much for some sleep for you tonight.

hi Ma if it's not too late, how about trying to change the pattern, don't give in, fight back. Eat healthily, take some exercise, treat yourself to some me time and, er, ahem, stop drinking?

Hey venus great minds think alike eh? I hope your DD was well enough to enjoy Christmas and you had a good time. Like JWN I am so thankful that I have celebrated my second sober christmas.

Still alcohol free

good for you silver.

i have camomile tea and a silent house.

Hello everyone. Could I join please? Been trying hard this year (drunk 4/5 times if you generously count a family holiday as one fall off the wagon), sober since September, started telling people, one sober Christmas over. Been at home with teetotal DH and only invited visitors at lunchtime though so not been toooo bad. I have a proper party tomorrow and 4 nights visiting my heavy drinking folks from the 29th though. Also been freaked out by the amount of booze in food at Christmas! Bit dangerous for me at this stage I think. TBH it's not event drinking that I miss (horribly!) but bathtime and beyond drinking every day.
Is there a joining protocol? Should I state aims or methods or anything?
Thanks xx

Hi Beehavingbaby welcome aboard, we don't have any protocols or initiation ceremonies or anything like that around here. you can just tell us as much or as little as you like.

it sounds like you are doing pretty well at present, are you getting any RL support, do you go to AA or anything?

the main thing for the next few days is to decide if you are going to drink or no,t and to formulate an appropriate plan, eg if you are going to drink, start with a soft drink, and alternate soft drinks and alcohol, and if you are not, make sure you know what you are goingn to drink and keep a full glass of that in your hand at all times. You may also want to decide what you are going to say, whether you want to be honest with your friends and family or offer a plausible excuse.
Best of luck and keep posting.

Sorry just read back again and since you have been sober since Sept you are doing great! maybe you should share your tips with us! I agree with you re the boozy food. I got some very expensive looking chocolates, but they all taste horrid to me since they have some kind of liquor in them I think...

well done silver.
I feel it will be new year before I am fully ready to do this. I have to get the dreaded New Year out of the way. 2012 has to be a year of change for me, has to be. but I have to get my head there first.
Won't be drinking tomorrow as have put myself on driving duty to pick up DDs from theatre.
Am also going to do the unmentionable and weigh myself on Jan 1st to give me a target to go for.
Keep at it silver.

I'll join you in the new year ma but I'm not planning on going back on the diet until the second week by which time the house will be free of alcohol and chocolate, etc. There will be loads of 'newbies' down at the gym clogging up the classes as usual but most will have dwindled away by mid February . If we stick to a healthy diet and exercise we could see a big difference by March. I'm up for it if you are.

Beehaving welcome to the bus. Congratulations on your sober Christmas, that is quite something.

faire I'm with you. Sounds like a plan.

That's another drink free day. Feeling a bit better now and off to bed soon. Hope you all have a safe night.

Hello

Going for sober, coming up to 4 months now (longest time without alcohol for 15 years I think). Feels quite dangerous though, I would be really disappointed with myself if I slipped now. DH is really helpful, encouraging and supportive when I'm sober but isn't if I drink. I have been very very shocked by how unhelpful/ dismissive my friends and older family have been TBH, especially given some of the things I've said and done drunk. Those were rare occasions though, no-one knows the extent of the more recent home drinking and I don't think anyone belives the extent of the work based drinking (in the trade) in the past!

Has anyone seen the 'loveyourliver' roadshow advertised? You can get a scan to show how 'stiff' your liver is? I really want to go but DH thinks that if my liver is actually fine I'll be straight down the offie!

He may have a point there Beehaving. You sound like you really want to stick with it, for yourself, which is great. Just take it one day at a time, use all the strategies you have used so far. You know that these 'wobbles' will pass and you will feel so good about yourself. Ask anyone with a hangover, you really are not missing anything.

One of the things I have seen on this thread is the lack of recognition from family and friends when you don't drink. To me, if I don't drink for a fortnight, it's through a conscious decision, a determined effort and with support from this bus. People who know me don't even notice sometimes. I feel like shouting at them, I'M NOT DRINKING! SOMEONE PLEASE NOTICE AND SAY WELL DONE!!! But to them, it's not a big accomplishment. They don't understand because they don't have a drink problem.

That's where the support you can get from this bus is invaluable. WE understand. WE know that sometimes it's fecking hard. WE accept that IT'S NOT FAIR and we sometimes stamp our feet about it .

So I'd like to give you a huge WELL DONE. Keep it up. Do it for yourself x

Mary well done to you too.

Ma here's to 2012 x

HI Beehaving welcome aboard

As expected I can't sleep............no surprise there then...........DP has strict instructions TO NOT TURN THE FECKING TELLY ON IN THE BEDROOM AT HALF PAST SEVEN IN THE MORNING if I do eventually drop off.

Thanks the lord i got a Kindle for Christmas so no shortage of reading...

Any recommendations gratefully received for any good novels to download...

It does feel very good to be sober - I might even get in the car and go for a drive - JUST BECAUSE I CAN

Have eaten my body weight in sweets and chocolate.

and ladies

Today I will not be drinking

SAF I know what you mean about the Knapp book - she could have been writing about me! Very powerful stuff xxxx

Morning babes, I'm first up! Back at work today and looking forward to seeing my lovely colleagues. I won't be drinking today :)

Well done Silver and hope he didn't wake you up. I'd like a Kindle but am concerned I'd spend all my spare cash on books because I devour them. Have you read any Alice Thomas Ellis? Finished the Skeleton in the Cupboard last night and would recommend it. Quirky, well-written and compelling.

Well done too Mary and everyone else, whether you're drinking or not. I do like this one day at a time way of doing things; I've always been such a control freak/planner and wanted to nail things there and then. But it doesn't work with drinking. If I can say I won't be drinking just for today and not worry about tomorrow, it makes me feel really good.

ps Santa - nothing wrong with being a bit "hermitty"; I love my own company too and some people wear me out. That's why I'm quite glad Christmas is over and I won't have to make any more small talk.

well done silver - i couldn't sleep either and i got a massive bout of sadness at about 3am that was.... bizarre but not the end of the world. i did have half a glass of wine at lunchtime but that's less than i've been having obviously so i guess the non sleeping will relate to that. i even had sleeping pills that didn't work. meh.

unfortunately ds can't be instructed not to wake me when i'm like this i sleep on the sofa for fear i won't wake up in the morning with him.

have a good day at work mrs

Well done Silver, you did it yesterday, and if you choose to, you can do it again today. I understand the utter frustration of sleeplessness but it will get better, and the sleep that you do have will be deeper and more refreshing and more restorative.

Beehaving good to have you with us, sounds like you've got some well practiced tactics already, but here are some of my favourite ways of not drinking when everyone else around me is:

• always have something to drink ready and to hand. As soon as you finish one glass of juice or mug of tea, instantly get a refill. Then if someone offers you a drink, you can say "I'll just finish this one first". I find that even if I had felt tempted when it was offered, by the time I've finished half a pint of lime and soda or a mug of half cold tea, I don't really want a drink any more (partly because my rational determination has kicked in and partly because my tummy is full of liquid and my mouth has a completely different taste in it).
• have some sweeties (fruit gums) or strong mints in your pocket / bag. If you feel tempted stuff a few of those in your mouth. I have found that the first sip of wine tastes pretty revolting after that - enough to put me off trying the first sip. Unfortunately I've also found that if I could grimace through the first glass, I'd be able to get over my distaste and carry on
• ditto with brushing your teeth twice with strong toothpaste.
• I find that pouring drinks for others takes their focus away from whether I'm drinking, so it's easier to go round with a bottle topping up everyone else's glass, whereas if they're the one with the bottle I have to face the "oh go on, just one!" type of unhelpful comment. It aslo gives me the chance to focus on others - who looks like they need a top up, who said they'd not have much but is already several glasses in, who manages to have one glass and stop. It helps me to compare all of that with how I would have behaved (I certainly wouldn't have been the one glass person).
• find things to do that keep you active (especially your hands). Be the person who offers to drive to the shops in the rain, take the dogs for a walk, play board games with the kids, knit, wash dishes, get a cup of tea and sit and chat to whoever is feeling left out.
• have your own secret stash of your favourite non-alcoholic drinks / chocolate / gourmet crisps / whatever, and reward yourself every couple of hours.
• have some pre-prepared answers to give to people, tell them you've got a headache, or that you need to drive later, or that you've taken some strong painkillers.
• finally, remember that whatever feeling of craving or longing you have, it WILL pass. I used to think that if I had a craving it would last until I satisfied it, but in reality I've found that however intense it seems in the moment, if I can distract myself for long enough, it does lessen and eventually go, until I find myself getting ready for bed and feeling really pleased that i didn't give in.

bloody well done silver and mary
Have just finished reading "The Black House" by Peter May. Twas excellent. Set on the Isle of Lewis and very atmospheric.
venus top tips as always.
Going to draw up a diet and action plan which is doable for 2012 today. The Black Dog of New year creeping every closer so trying hard to stay positive.

Morning

Think I dropped off about 5ish so had a few hours of sweat drenched vivid dream like sleep

I know it will get better and this time I'm just not stressing about it.

So Day Two - bring it on !!!

Waves to all xxxx

Well done Silver you are right, the sleep will come eventually, keep at it.

Ma I am going to admit to being geeky here, I made a chart when I started my diet to record my weight loss as a graph . I get so disheartened when I don't lose weight (or worse if I gain!) even when I'm trying, that I thought it would help to have an overall picture and see the general trend of downward scale readings. It was a bit one pound on, two pounds off, iyswim. The chart really helped keep me on track. The new year does not have to be gloom, it can be the start of something really exciting.

Venus I love your top tips, especially the one about going to talk to someone feeling left out .

I promised, promised, promised myself I wouldn't drink on Christmas Day but I did. I just feel so dreadful. So many family occasions this year I've not drunk but I cocked it up again for the 2nd year. I lasted most of the day and actually thought I'd won.

I didn't have a private stash (last year) and didn't pour myself any. I know it's my fault but stop fecking offering me wine. On Boxing Day morning when I was so sorry, we laid the table for lunch and I was asked if I wanted red or white .

I need to go somewhere alone and just not have alcohol in the house for at least a month and crack it that way. Don't shout at me and tell me I've ruined Christmas when you're drinking wine. I've had a long chat with one of my daughters, it ended in tears and hugs, but she has promised that she will be my dry buddy at the next 'do'.

atosilis that sounds like a great idea to have a dry buddy - someone who can think up nice conncoctions for you to drink, and keep your glass full of water / tea / juice / whatever. Who is offering you wine - is the the same people who complain that you have ruined Christmas? I know that often people who do not have any form of drink / addiction problem find it impossible to comprehend why we can't just have one drink, or two and leave it there.

I CAN manage to do that, but it takes such a lot of effort that I can't sustain it for long. Compounded with the reduced willpower that accompanies a couple of glasses of wine, and you all know that outcome..... It is so much easier for me, just to decide not to have any.

I had a drink problem, was in hospital for treatment and my family were very good about it. My husband was told to never have drink in the house. This lasted about a month but I was able to keep sober as I had a lovely dry buddy. I started drinking again after 9 dry months as I thought I was 'cured' and had moved away from my dry buddy. I started seeing a counsellor again in October. It was my family offering me drink, I think they feel quite sad that they offered it to me as some of them have rung up and been very cheery, to show they're not cross. It is dreadfully difficult to give up when my husband drinks like a fish at the weekends. I either get so mad I want to lamp him or I just join in and the ignore the pain/anger. Last night he had too much to drink (as I did) and he fell asleep on the settee. I came downstairs and turned all the lights off and shut the door. I'm still giggling at him waking up in the pitch dark, he must have wondered 'wtf?'. He's not talking to me this morning.
I would have lasted Christmas if we had left after lunch. That is the trick for next year, arrive before lunch and leave afterwards. No staying for 2 nights. Christmas is a long day if it starts with bucks fizz for breakfast and champagne while opening presents....

atosolis I am shocked and little angry on your behalf that your family thought it would be ok to offer you alcohol knowing that you had already been hospitalised! Do they all have a drink problem or did they honestly think you would not be affected?

It is incredibly difficult to not drink if your dh does. Is there anything he drinks that you wouldn't touch? My dh drinks beer sometimes and it really doesn't bother me but then he only has the odd one.

If the dry buddy worked for you last time, then that's a great idea to get another one. There are lots of us here every day who will be happy to buddy-up with you.