The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

Saf - really? Utter shite. This is the worst Christmas we have ever had. But, we're all here and Nemo managed to avoid being admitted to hospital.

We'll just have to make up for it next year.

Off to bath the little one, get clean PJs on him and snuggle him up for a sleep. He's totally exhusated. I know how he feels. 5 nights of nursing him is really starting to take it's toll and DH is still ill. We're all under the weather.

If it's nice tomorrow, I'm going to try and get out for some fresh air.

DS okay? You okay Saf? xxx

Evening all! Have had what my DC described as an alternative Christmas, with the family stomach bug relay. Him on CEve, then DH on CDay, with me not actually exploding (yet) but feeling so nauseous that I haven't eaten for 2 days! But the good news is that it wasn't long lasting or severe, and all seem to be recovering well. On the bright side, I haven't wanted a drink at all - so hurrah! A silver lining to my cloud.

Mrs M thank you for your enquiry. Sorry that you are having a rough time. Feeling sorry for yourself for a little while can help, and I am sure that sharing it here helps. I had real full-on depression some time ago, and if ever I feel it creeping back up on me, I tend to let myself have a good wallow for a short time. Then I usually think how much I have to be grateful for, and that I am being ridiculous. Whatever helps is ok, but I am learning the hard way that alcohol makes depression worse, not better. It has taken me ages to see that.

Mouse, Hope that things have been a bit better today.

mrs - he's coming up for 5. currently has some major war scene going on on the kitchen floor with all his ben10 figures.

i locked the bathroom door i only took ten minutes but i took them in peace.

sorry mouse! suckety suckety sucks! you need some sleep. can dh take the nursing shift tonight? well of course he 'can' i suppose the real question is 'will' he and 'will' you tell him you need him to? xx

Saf - ahhh, you know me so well. Nemo won't have it. We tried the other night but he just screamed for over an hour and to be honest, I'd rather nurse him because (I know this sounds awful) but I'm better at knowing what he needs.

So less stress all round and more peace if I just do it myself.

I can picture your gorgeous DS on the kitchen floor! Give him a squidge from his aunty mouse please? I'll give you a call in the week. Lots of love sweets xxxx

RIGHT YOU LOT

who is joining me tomorrow?

I am Twatted

tomorrow I be sober xxx

will be - ffs

silver.

well i started this 27th day by making myself have a glass of apple juice (bleurgh) and a glass of water before making my first coffee. a bit of habit changing.

i'm actually scared to say i'll join you in case i 'can't' silver. it's leftovers day at my parents today - all the kids and all the dysfunctional adults in one place. no doubt there'll be wine and it's so easy to reach for that glass to get through the dinner table experience. what to do.

obviously i know what the 'right' answer is. i'm not sure i'm ready. i may have to go for january 2nd instead. god i'm crap.

incidentally the knapp book is beginning to scare me. the stuff about filling a hole, about escaping oneself, about it always having been one thing or another.... it's weird because it's our culture anyway so so sanctioned. i'm also starting to think about the physical side - i think she put it as somehow some of our bodies/brains actually respond to alcohol differently i guess implying it isn't all psychological or a case of dependence v non dependence but that maybe there is something in us that just reacts differently to alcohol. i guess it would explain that 'first drink' issue so many talk about here, how once we have that first one we have to have more whereas others seem to be able to just stop. much to think about but at the minute i'm hiding the book

this is an epic post sorry. i'm also thinking that i would like to have some kind of therapy in which i talked about my teenage years and a lot of things that happened to me and how i responded to them (and perhaps am still responding) and i suspect that alcohol and drugs were a big part of that response and i need to explore it all. i 'think' i may be ready to address some stuff and hopefully move on.

good luck to everyone starting out on sobriety today and congratulations and massive admiration to those who went through christmas without a drink.

Morning Silver, is today really the day? :) I really want it to be for me and I know I won't be drinking (because I haven't got any booze left in the house thank God) but I don't want to make a promise again that I don't keep. Will just tell myself every day that I won't be drinking I guess. Good luck anyway.

Santa your epic post rang so true for me. Family gatherings with our lovely loony relations are so hard to get through without a drink. Have you ever had therapy/counselling before? My teenage years was when it all began too and I understand what triggered it - the crippling shyness that booze made disappear so that I could function with my peers. What kind of therapy are you thinking about? I've had loads of CBT which has helped a little but wish I could afford to see a psycho-therapist. How are you today Mary? Hope the worst of the bug is over. I know about depression too and I've been worried about it getting hold of me again but at least I'm aware of what's happening.

Hope Nemo had a better night Mouse and that you all have a good day.

mrs yes i have had stuff before of a few different kinds mostly when i was younger and then i swore off it all after doing my counsellor training - if i see a shit therapist (not as in awful or anything but just not all that skilled beyond bog standard what you get taught) it feels like it would be a bit like watching a magic show where you know all the tricks itms. not a good analogy actually but it wouldn't feel authentic or???? i don't know. but i've decided i probably need to give it another go.

i think it's probably proper psychotherapy i need (though ideally with someone who has trained in other areas too so they aren't one trick ponyish) but yes it's very hard to get. the govt/NICE/purse string holders have unsurprisingly decided that short term, goal focused therapy (especially CBT) is the way forward. it's cheap and in the short term appears to do some good - long term it doesn't come out great as in following up patients a year later type studies. to be honest in studies that do proper long term follow up all therapies seem to come out with about the same level of effectiveness.

i think at this stage i just need to talk and get it all out about what happened and how i felt and how i dealt with it and how i suspect it's still impacting on me today. and i need to do it without provoking anger, defensiveness or a need to make me stfu so best not to talk to family (made the mistake of talking to sis again recently and it just isn't a good idea).

ra ra ra.

anyhow very off topic i suspect.

Morning Mrs M. Am ok today, thankyou, and feeling much better in a weird way because of the enforced detox, I think. Hoping you all have a good day today. Let's not think about tomorrow just yet.

Not off topic Santa because our drinking is part of who we are and what made us that way. Interesting research about long-term effects of therapy; after my last round of CBT just over a year ago with a REALLY great therapist, I thought that was it and my issues had been examined for the last time. How wrong I was, as this latest bout of drinking/anxiety/self-doubt confirms :)

I think you're right, talking to the right person could help a lot. Like you there's no way I could share this stuff with family/friends, even though I'm very close to one brother who's rebuilding his life after it fell apart because of booze. But he's just too close to home. Do you have supportive friends? I find myself acting a role when I'm with a lot of my friends and there are only one or two I feel comfortable revealing myself to.

i have a couple of very supportive friends and we're mutually supportive iyswim. which is cool. but i don't want to overload people constantly with this stuff. the most important thing these friends do for me is just to like me, and tell me they like me and keep drumming into my thick head that there is nothing wrong with liking me and i don't need to feel guilty or ashamed that people care about me. that's what they do for me and i'm very grateful for it.

i don't do much of the role acting with friends because i'm pretty 'hermitty' therefore don't see many people and as few as possible who i have to act around. have to do it with family though and actually it's probably fairly healthy to do it - some defenses are constructive - it's just a case of not transposing them into situations and onto people where they're not needed.

anyhow. i have washed my stinking dog. the poor thing spent christmas being treated like a leper - god knows what she rolled in or stank of but she was minging and i had no time/energy to wash her so she was just leper dog for a couple of days

Morning all

Good luck to all those stopping today. Silver I hope your good humour helps carry you through the difficult days ahead. Being sober will be an enormous help. That, at least, is one thing you can control. Remember though to let us know if you're struggling or wobbling so we can prop you up until you're over it . That goes for anyone, of course.

Saf you are sounding more like your old 'self' now so maybe you are over the worst of it. Has the dizzy, wobbly feeling gone now? So glad you managed to wash the stinky dog .

I had a lovely time with PILs and family. We are back home now and just chilling. I daren't get on the scales though . Not planning on getting back on the diet just yet.

Mouse I expect this year can't end quickly enough for you, you've had a rotten time of it recently. Hopefully, Nemo will recover enough to rest and you will get some time too. At least he's surrounded with love and wonderful care. x

Line up ladies - TODAY IS THE DAY

Today I will not be drinking

Yay, yay, go Silver

Oh bugger! Spoke too soon and now feel dreadful. Can recommend this bug as a way of not drinking - so if any of you want to sidle up to me and lick my face, I can guarantee sobriety for at least three days, plus a 5 lb weight loss as the extra bonus. Think I would rather be fat and tipsy than sober and nauseous, though. Hey ho.

GO FOR IT Silver!
Keep posting, and shout for us if you need any hand holding, you can do it girl!!

I will join you Silver . . Today I will NOT be drinking :)

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Silver - sounds as though you've found your BGP (BigGirlPants) and pulled them right up. The very best of luck to you, I admire your determination, and with the mother of all hangovers no doubt?

Water, paracetamol and a cosy sofa for you x x

Mary - sorry that you are ill, not a nice bug. Great for losing weight but not with the symptoms. Get better soon xx

Saf - please keep posting and letting your thoughts out here. I love reading your posts and think that the fact we're some what anonymous, helps us all to be honest with ourselves, that little bit more. Seeing it all in black and white certainly makes it more real for me.

Nemo is much brighter today, in fact, he wants me to go and play with his new Postman Pat? toys and to be honest, the fact that he feels well enough to want to play is just fine and dandy with me.

Now DH has got the plague, or so you'd have thought, it's just a head cold, so it's one ill, one better by the looks of it.

Be back later. xx

boing to all you darlings!!!

well, thats my second sober christmas under my belt! had a nice time, dm not too good though, in a lot of pain which nothing seems to touch

silver - the best of british mate! you can do it!!

Sorry to hear about your DM JWN xx

so far so good - spent day at DM house - PIL coming for dinner - but FEELING OK so far.

How's everyone else doing who was joining me today???

Hi Silver. Good to hear you are getting through the day ok:) overindulged last night so thankfully have absolutely no desire to drink today.

hi silver had planned to join you but wobbling.....I feel the dreaded New Year depression creeping up on me. This week after Christmas and before going back to work is the worst part of every year for me. Don't know why - just feel terribly bleak.

OK, for all of you who had planned not to drink today, but who have now got cold feet, or are tempted by whatever, GO ON be strong, just for today, Tuesday 27th December, tell that feeling to go and fuck right off. You've not signed the pledge, if you don't like it you can change your mind tomorrow, but GO ON just for today you can do it.

And if I'm too late and you've already had a drink, well don't be despondant, you can choose not to drink tomorrow, and you could even choose to start at 10 minutes past 7 tonight - no reason why the day has to start in the morning .