The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

i think this one is a very good explanation of meditation and a 'how to' let it happen i think. often people think meditation is very complicated or you have to 'do' stuff - this explains what it's really like - or at least it relates very well to what i find meditation to be like. and you don't have to sit in a silent room to do it - you can do it sitting on the bus or the tube or just for a few minutes here and there throughout the day.

sorry for derail

oh and if you want to do some guided meditations to help get in the habit or relaxing and letting go and stuff you can find some good ones on this page

Morning Babes,
Just popping in and then going to work.

Well, didn't go exactly to plan last night, I had a glass of white wine when I got to the restaurant, but then the other one that someone poured for me to have with the meal was still half full when I left, so not too bad. And a lovely clear head this morning, which is a good job as I'm spending all day in church rehearsing the Christmas carol service with 100 children!!

Have good days all
much love
xxxxx

well done thurso and good luck with that practice - admirable work that would drive me to drink any day

Morning all

Saf I have been so busy I didn't have time to read your link properly. How's that for irony? . But I will c&p it to read later. Sounds like something I might be interested in learning about.

Thurso you did brilliantly! You did not go mad and think, oh well I've had one now might as well carry on, it's xmas after all, etc. etc. You drank mindfully and stopped. Well done.

Calm but cold here. Am off to face another day. See you later x

just checking in. DH and I still needling away at each other but I'll survive.
DD2 flies home tonight from Spain for DD1's TWENTY-FIRST birthday tomorrow. I mean, I know I was a child bride and all but where have the years gone?

Afternoon Babes

Well, the new shower also leaks as well as being damaged. Life goes on though....

Nursery was fab this morning, the children did a nativity and sang 'Little Donkey' and all of a sudden the room filled with dust and it got in my eyes.... .

I have also managed to get him another 2 hours in a morning after Christmas on a Friday! Whoooop -whooooop. It will only help him and the support workers have said that it's much quieter too.

Thanks for the link Faire sorry to those that now have it whizzing round their heads!

Right, off to grab a few bits from the shop before it gets pitch black. It's freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing here.

Hi all,

I appreciate all of your welcomes

Day 3 of my detox and all is well,I'm pretty much sailing through it (probably due to my fantastic detox nurse and his vast experience of what dose of Librium is suitable for each individual case of alcoholism).
I start to reduce my medication today,slowly, but with an aim to keep my anxiety at bay.I am totally out the woods with regards to major DT's so that is such a blooming relief.

Feeling a bit antsy today but we've talked about and it's probably due to my grieving and loss of habit of rewarding myself with wine of a evening (even though I'm not craving it in the slightest).

I'm very much into the meditation route (or the thought of it) but it's never been achievable while pissed or hungover

I'm off for my first course of guided mindfulness tomorrow which is becoming more and more used for addiction/recovery,mental health and pain management.

Will let you know how that goes.

I hope you are all well and taking life by moment by moment.

Thoughts x

morning all. it finally went tits up yesterday. went for a drink with my sister and we talked about the past and then it all went messy. i mean it would have been emotionally messy but i had that special messiness that happens when you have a funny reaction to alcohol. had only had 2 pints but it seemed to hit me hard - maybe the combo with meds change or just added to emotional intensity - i don't know. but it did that messy bleurgh effect that i'd associate more usually with getting utterly plastered on wine or something.

i was really sick later in the evening so don't know if maybe i had a bit of a bug in the mix or if that was just the reaction to the alcohol. woke up feeling shamed and confused and horrible.

there is a can of beer in the kitchen that i'm about to chuck in the bin and today i will not be drinking.

fighting hard not to spiral in shame and bleurghness today. too much going on for me to fuck up through self pity. have rehearsals in town then have to be back in time to go to ds's final performance with my mother in tow for which i will need emotional resilience.

feel desperately like i need time and space but i'm not getting any. tomorrow is the last day of term too so will be full time with ds with no breaks after that and christmas malarchy to come. need to pull my big girls knickers up (will have to find them first), put my head down and get on with it all.

Saf, poor you. I can't reply properly as we have one of those super-busy Christmas-related days today. Sorry you're feeling so rubbish. That must have been a tough conversation with your sister yesterday and understandably upsetting. I know it's not nice feeling so emotional and upset but you know what they say - better out than in. Maybe last night will help you feel a teensy bit better in the future, just maybe not now. Don't feel ashamed about anything. 2 pints is hardly cause for any guilt! And the sickness must have been related to your meds change or a bug or something, it's not like you can get blind drunk on 2 pints!

It's such a difficult time of year, but spending time with your mum will test you even more. Be kind to yourself today and do/say whatever is best for YOU x

Have good days everyone. Today I will NOT be drinking

thanks tinselly.

failed to find big girls knickers and instead found a massive panic attack and couldn't stop shaking. wrote a letter to the singing group leader explaining that i was very sorry but would have to let her down. i just can't do it. there's enough with christmas and family stuff and facing having ds full time without any break over the holidays whilst having all this anxiety and yukness going on. i had to clear one thing from the decks.

think i'm also going to put my foot down and say i'm not doing christmas eve here but am going to have it as just me and ds. i will have enough family on christmas day and i just can't face cooking and cleaning and then clearing up all the mess from having them all here. especially when 'them' are the very people inclined to make me feel like shit.

managed to drop off ds, pass letter onto friend to give to rachel and watch her little one whilst she ran her ds into the office as she was late and then talk to her and get into my front door before having emotional meltdown.

school show is at two. i have quite a while to calm down and try to be good to myself before i have to get out of here again. and i need that time. hate letting people down but in reality it's not my fault that the timing of this meds change has been so inconvenient - wouldn't have been my choice to do it at what can be such a stressful time of year.

also reeling a bit still from my sister's remarks.

sorry for big whiney me, me, me post. and no two pints shouldn't be enough to create that kind of reaction but the funny thing with me and alcohol is that sometimes it does. i had a weird one about a year ago where i had no more than three drinks at someone's house and ended up sick and passed out on the bathroom floor it's as if sometimes i just have a really weird reaction to it.

has anyone else had stuff like that?

morning! saf, i used to have the old really wierd reaction, even with my amazing capacity to down huge quantities, now and again i would react really badly after just a couple of glasses, strange behaviour, being sick ect, looking back, i am pretty sure it was connected with my menstrual cycle, it always happened just before a particuarly heavy/bad pmt month (sorry if tmi) perhaps you need to look at your dates? apart from that, have a (((hug))) you poor old stick!

thank you jesus. unusually i reckon i could do with one.

my breasts are incredibly tender at present and i'm on day 35 - but anything up to day 45 is 'normal' for me. i'm having a bit of a phantom pregnancy head at the minute which is so unlikely it is pretty close to impossible but the sooner my period comes the sooner i'll shake it off. not tmi at all, you may have a point. i used to find when i was younger that pmt plus red wine was a recipe for embarrassing hysterical sobbing.

i can't stop panicking at the minute and am quite scared and utterly clueless as to what to do. it's at times like this that i realise how little support there is in mine and ds's lives and it scares the shit out of me.

Have another hug from me. And also have a pair of big girls knickers (EVEN bigger than Isinde's ).

You have support on here and lots of people who care. Not as helpful as hands-on support right now though i know.

You have almost two hours before the show. What can you do to help yourself calm down a bit? You can think/deal with everything else later but I know you want to make the show so you just need to focus on getting through it until 3/4 ish (?). Hot bath? Switch landline phone off? Relaxing classical music? Rescue Remedy? Camomile tea?? A lie down in a dark room? Deep breaths definitely.

Must dash. Will be sending positive vibes x

thank you.

have called and spoken to duty doctor who is writing a prescription for some valium to get me through weekend till i see my doc on monday.

have had a bath and gotten dressed. am resisting having a drink because who knows if it would settle me or make me worse.

it's just going to be so horrible having to sit next to my own mother pretending to be fine because showing her i'm not fine and her not giving a shit would be too much to deal with today. and she wouldn't give a shit tbf. it's just not in her toolbox.

have to leave in about 3/4's of an hour so will concentrate on calming down ready to cope.

Saf - I'm so, so sorry to see your posts, things sound worse than yesterday if your posts are anything to go by. Please, get in touch my love if you need a pair of ears and a friendly, non judging voice. xx

How did it go Saf? All you need to think about is looking after yourself and ds. Your family will have to wait.

I think xmas eve on your own is a really good idea. No point putting extra pressure on yourself. You knew the med change might be difficult, so everything you are experiencing is as you expected. I am just reminding you because you asked us to do that so that you know this is part of the med change experience and nothing to do with 'you'.

You are doing really well. You are making some sensible choices. Live in the moment, as much as you can, until you are though this stage. Are you able to let us know how you are this evening?

Hi to everyone else. Manic day today.

Right, I am going to commit to doing what the wise and lovely sAf and MsGee did and get myself into the habit of checking in here every morning plus/minus evenings. I can't sleep because my head is so whizzy about just how hard and horrible I am finding things. But drink makes it worse, always. If I have to do it a minute at a time, that's what I'll do.
I have DD later for extra time as it's the last day of school. Going to focus on the positives. Thank you for the lovely encouragement I have had recently in PMs. sAf how are you doing this morning? Thinking of you.

currently still reeling from ds waking me up at 5am

thanks everyone for kind words and faire - yes it's exactly what i try to hold onto and remember. amazing how easy it is to get swept into the it's all me, it's because i'm awful, my life is awful, everything is the end of the world spirals rather than just god i'm going through hell with this medication business. remembering the latter doesn't make me feel better but it keeps me safer.

sorry for awful posts on here yesterday was really distraught. glad i phoned the docs and have stuff to get through wkd but it's funny isn't it distinctly remember saying 'i don't feel safe' at least a couple of times - couldn't help it, it was the words that came out of my mouth as by the time i rang them i was really scared.

it's a good job i pulled myself out of it because clearly it won't be doctors who save my life when i'm in trouble.

very much hoping for a better day - would have been nice to get more than 5hrs broken sleep though.

sorry for selfishness - hope everyone is ok - well done on scrapign through another day drink free insinde

Saf your posts were not 'awful' they were exactly what you need to do to help yourself. We have offered support here and you are taking it which is brilliant. You are such a good role model to your ds.

Noteven likewise. It's a really good idea to post every day if you can, whatever you are feeling. I know it's the last thing we want to do when we're feeling crap but if you can force yourself, it will help.

For all of us, I am sure, just to know that there are people out there who do care and do want to hear from you and, if they could, would wrap you up in a big hug is priceless.

Well, I know it's still early in the morning, but I feel a bit of xmas spirit coming over me