The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

yeah i'll give naked hopping a try - suspect it might cause me an injury though, or a stain to the carpet

legal - how about keeping a diary now? see if you can find a pattern, learn as much as you can about each 'state', see how it relates to periods, sleeping patterns, stress, weather etc etc etc. knowledge is power and all that. cyclothymia is one of those things that some can learn to live with with good management and awareness, others need/want meds. the management is fairly confusing stuff but the better you get to know your own patterns, triggers etc the better you can get at taking care of yourself. sorry if this is lectury.

for all of my i'm fine talk i've ended up having a panic attack and bursting into tears at the kids christmas thing (thankfully i made it to the toilet for the worst of it) and now have started getting the weird electric shock/buzzer effects that always happen to me. ho hum. just have to hang in there and get through. have also noticed my irritability levels are up and i've noticed a tendency to say out loud that things are pissing me off rather than keep them to myself. my 'inside voice' is dying i don't have much of one in the first place

dropping to 20mg tomorrow. against all recommendations i'm going to start a low dose of the new ones at the same time. i can't afford to drag this out too long - ds needs me, i need me and i'd like to spend christmas in one piece.

ra ra ra.

i've had a beer today. probably won't have anything else. one thing i have noticed with the drop in meds is that i have less desire for alcohol or caffeine. kind of makes sense actually because of issues with dopemine but that's a long boring story.

mouse i have everything crossed for a better night for you now you can use the electric feeding machine again.

noteven - where is dd? has she been placed in a home or is she with a foster family? less than 3 weeks till christmas - i so hope she is placed somewhere safe and comfortable for her before then.

checking in Babes

wow there is stuff going on here - i've been out of the loop for so long that I'm struggling to keep up - not with reading the thread but with really understanding what is going on - with you SAF and you Legal and noteven............forgive me if it takes a while.........

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Back to me me me

I have been on a bit of a manic high since seeing the Doc yesterday - not sure if tiredness is the cause or what - relief that Dm feeling so much better -but I think at the root of it, is knowing I have a date to begin my recovery - for now that is enough.

It's really weird - can't explain it but I've been very 'up' - (could that I'm bi-polar but that has been ruled out in the past)

hey ho - sending positive vibes out to all of you dealing with the crap that life throws at us - and the struggle with the bottle.

I am under no illusion that the 27th is only a starting point - and there is a long journey ahead - but somehow, for some reason - I am not frightened about being sober anymore - I read that book by Caroline Knapp - I do think it made a difference.

Sorry for waffling and being totally self centred but I believe that, that is what this thread is all about.....................

Love you all xxxxxx

Silver - you sound in a great place, emotionally and mentally. Nice to see!

I think you are right to feel 'up' about having the date set in your mind. Being sober is bloody hard work, staying sober even more so.

You know what you have to do. You've done it before to one degree or another and you'll do it again. A day, a step at a time. And the best part is that we will all be with you every step of the way.

It'll be great having a driver again, all we need now is IsinDe to check in and we'll have the conductor and the driver all ready to go on our post Christmas journey.

How are things generally Silver? Is DD okay? Looking forward to Christmas? Is DP back or still in France?

can i recommend "rachel's holiday" too silver? some good stuff on denial and such but very, very humorous and i have forgiven the twee ending.

i've just started the knapp book now, enjoying it so far.

Saf - you feeling okay now? x

Mouse

how are you lovely?

just a weird weird feeling all day today - i think something in that book (caroline Knapp) opened my eyes to the fact that I can face my own feelings sober - i don't need to bury them all in a sea of alcohol ....I don't know but SOMETHING is different this time.............

We'll see ...............

SAF - who is the author??

xxx

BOING!!!

silver, you sound really positive, its so nice to read your posts!

mouse, do give that clever little fella a big kiss from me! (another hairy old aunty wont do any harm! )

noteven, dont apologise, not to us!, and for heavens sake dont stop posting! - whats your plan now? fight back or roll over and do it again?, i think you have some fight left in you yet, surely you arnt going to let the fucker win? are you? just think back a few short weeks, look back at how your life was was on track, how calm you felt, how 'normal' your home life felt - you can have that again, all it takes is for you say NO - i know you can do it, simply because i can!

JWN you old tart - thanks for that

Mouse Dp and DD fine and dandy now, although breaking point for DP last week- can't blame him - so a combination of things led me to this point............

less of the old, you!

checkin in - have drunk a bit more this week than last week but not getting pissed. when DH is out on a sleepover and DS goes to his grandmas, I so enjoy having the house to myself that I have a few glasses of wine.
but I'm ok.
some stuff going on with dad and his dementia but I'm coping.

i've forgotten her name - she was an alcoholic herself - will go upstairs and look if no one turns up soon knowing her name silver

sorry about your dad dementedma.

clever babes - who wrote, "rachel's holiday"?

Silver - I'm glad to see that you get it. You finally get it and I hope that remains to be the case. You know what I think, about the having to be ready.

You aren't there until you know with every fibre of your being that you are. I will support you all the way lovely lady. But you really really have to want this. This has to be it, the end. No more fibs, no more cheating, no more pretending to be okay. If you are wobbling, then say.

If you need us to help, hold your hand, sit and listen, then say. You only have to type the words on the screen, no more, no less. That's the hard part. The rest will follow and you will start to feel better.

Can you imagine waking up feeling fresh, alert and brighter? Can you imagine smelling and tasting the frost on the trees, the cold air giving you tingles on December 27th as you step out of the door for a walk.

Think about the time you have lost, the time that you'll never get back. The rows, the arguments that you have had with DP, never mind yourself.

You time to shine is on it's way, are you ready? xx

Right, time for this little mouse to seek sleep and quiet time. I have given Nemo a huge huggle (cuddle and a hug) from you JWN.

We have stay and play in the morning so will be back around lunch-time.

Stay safe Babes, and be honest with yourself, lying to yourself is the end of the battle, after that, the real damage starts.

Night night, sending the sleep faires out to those who need them. xx

Marion Keyes? Was it her who wrote it?

I am really off to bed now, night xxxx

yes i think it was night x (love that we all need faire rather than a fairy)

Mouse - in all truth I think I am ready, I feel ready, I want want want to be ready - but, always a but - who knows?

I won't know till I try

and that's the truth

see that word there 'think

ah well - we shall see

But just knowing that the support and help and understanding is here - a finger away ( ooh that sounded rude !) is so much more, for me, than anything else..the doctors, CAT team, AA..............

anyways I think I've burnt out on my weird high - so off to bed.

and JWN - tart more than old then !!

Night babes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

am googling Marian Keyes - have this horrible feeling I have already read it but CAN'T REMEMBER ...... dooh

sleep faries my way please

night babes x

Ahhh yes read it - more light entertaining I thought

the caroline knapp one - struck a chord with me - relevant to everything i did and may still do.

who knew

night x

yes light entertaining but it did give me food for thought in places - just stuff about how interconnected different issues are and ideas about cross addiction and such. and dishonesty and selfishness and delusion etc. possibly more pertinent to me because i'm not an alcoholic but i probably am in a way an 'addict' just not to a particular substance.

not making sense now so best go to bed me thinks. night all x

(oh and the self medicating stuff from a very early age and the web of different issues/substances/behaviours etc that were all a part of that)

Dammit I am really going to have to read that Caroline Knapp book that everyone's raving about

I am tired enough for us all so you can all have a bit of sleepyness from me with plenty to spare . . . you are sleeeepy, so sleeeeppppy zzzzzzzzzzzzz

x

Morning all,

Silver Saf I will mind you too , you have done the same for me xxxx

Mouse give Nemo the big Auntie hug from me, and one to you as well! xxxx I hope you got some sleep last night.

Venus Sending you love xxxx

I'm sorry I haven't got time to name check everyone, I am out to work in a minute, although it still seems like the middle of the night!
Work is manic at the moment, I went to bed shattered at 8pm , only to dream about work all night, but in a very bizzarre way.

Mif great to see you, how are the family?

Noteven I hope you have some people in RL who are with you at the moment. I hate to think that you may be on your own at night, and the thoughts that that might bring. Take care, I do hope that things will work out again, you were so happy a short time ago. Keep posting.

Marian Keyes wrote another book (well lots!) but this one is called "A charmed man", and where the story is about something else altogether, one of the characters sisters is an alcoholic, and it's a shocking few chapters on how she loses her children, husband. A lovely bit at the end when she has a "future memory". Probably a bit light and unrealistic regarding alcoholism, but as Marian Keyes was one, she writes in a truthful way.

Have good days all xxxx
P.s Inde just let us know that you are ok darling?
Ma

how's the weather where you are? Already being battered by wind and lashed by rain and the storm isn't due to hit fully until later. Schools closing half day, red alert for our area. Looks like all the road bridges will close too.
bit scary.....

Morning Babes

Thurso - I read 'The Charming Man' when it first came out and totally agree with you about the alcoholic character. I could actually relate to some of the parts written about that person, and at times, I would wince at what she wrote.

I don't think that you can ever truly understand another person's pain or situation unless you have been party to that yourself. Sure, you can sympathise, and who wouldn't, but to empathise, to really feel how that person does, I believe that you have had to be in their shoes, and their position.

I'm not saying that the support from those who haven't is any less valuable, not at all, it's just that at times, empathy can mean just that little bit more.

So, last night..... well, we did have more sleep but I think that the wind woke him up a few times as I found him clamped to my face hugging the air out of me!

Silver - I hope you had a restful night and managed to let the faires into your mind to help you relax. xx

Ma - please stay safe my love. The wind here is terrible and we heard all sort of garden furniture and the like flying around last night. Our builder was late as his high sided van was thrown all over the place trying to get here this morning.

Babes - please take extra care today when you are out and about today. Mother nature clearly has her 'mad' on about something!

Today I will mostly be chasing the delivery of our new shower doors, sorting out my CRB clearance for the committee, writing Christmas cards with Nemo, looking after a poorly DD again, and trying to get parcels over seas before the cut off dates!

Busy day here.