The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Spread The Festive Cheer, Without The Beer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse.

I have an obsession with drinking, I can't have a drink, not just one..... it has to be more. Always more.

So, I got on the Bus, this Bus, full of Brave Babes who will help and support me all the way. Come say hi, grab a seat and a . We're a real mixed bunch that share one thing without any doubt - alcohol abuse.

And if you want to read about our history, it's HERE

See you on the Bus xx

Thinking about it noteven - I am speechless, not that you relapsed, that's very common and nothing to be ashamed of, but, that you must have done it knowing that THE WAY YOU DID IT, you might well be, and have been, found out, reported or whatever................

too much information missing for any of us to help I think

i really don't know about that rightly - it is always a contentious subject on here because of course some people are AA members and some are not and i'm sure we all individually have different views on it but frankly it is easiest NOT to discuss it because it would cause hell. we're here to support people really in the way they choose to tackle their drinking, not to criticise what they find works for them. i think your post should stand so that noteven can read it because there may be some stuff in there that is helpful but it would be best if you didn't post more about this and drag it out - do yswim?

silver - woohoo for a plan! will definitely be here for you.

thanks for saying you'll mind me.

mouse the drop to 40 should be fine as in no dramatic effects - you may feel a little run down or have the odd sensation as you adjust and then of course in the longer term you find out if that dose works well enough for you. given you're taking another in the evening you should be well within therapeutic ranges.

i'm worried more about the next drop to 20 and then to 0 - that's when the cessation syndrome stuff is likely to kick in and for me on top of a whole heap of physical symptoms and nightmares and such i can get suddenly very labile emotions (as in all over the shop) and suicidal thoughts, fantasies and urges. this doesn't happen with everyone of course - they have had to put a warning on that it can happen to young people going onto AD's which is as far as the drug companies have been pushed or have conceded so far despite the fact there is massive evidence that a significant proportion of us of all ages have this both going on and coming off potentially. at least i know having learnt the hard way that i'm in that group. most, until it happens are totally unaware that it can happen thus don't attribute it to the drugs and think it's how they really feel and therefore sadly act on it - there have been another of deaths.

sorry for that boring and epic ra ra ra about drugs i should stress it's rare and with the vast majority of people seems to be easily avoided by tapering slowly over time. when it happened to me i tapered over months and still got it once i stopped - hence me being worried about this super fast tapering and not being able to start the replacement drug until i'm at 0 on the other. but IT WILL BE FINE (i'm determined ) and as i say if anything happens i'll hopefully know what it is - and hopefully you'll remind me of that if i should forget or doubt it.

sorry - me me me neediness.

thurso - i get where you're coming from in what you said to noteven - it's hard when you're used to mopping up the problems at the child end of the equation and seeing the impact on them hope the kids did great on the 'exams' and you can forget all about them and work on getting self esteem back up.

noteven - hope you're ok and can face coming back and talking. we are all here for you.

one more thing to rightly - the one thing i do agree with you about is that aa should not be the only support in a persons life and certainly an untrained sponsor should not be mistaken for a therapist. i agree that professional therapeutic intervention is a good idea. but seriously - let's leave it at that

oh and - sorry i'm back - i just had that one small fake baileys yesterday which is a good cut down and i am pleased

Silver yay for a plan!

Isn't it great to take control of your life, to know how you're going to tackle it and where to turn to for support. I will be around except for 25th & 26th when I will be celebrating xmas with MIL. Her cancer has cleared up 100% there is no trace of it for now and she is feeling and looking fantastic. I love that amazing lady! So, so happy for her .

This time last year she was an emotional and physical wreck. There is hope. There is always hope for anyone receiving treatment. It's horrible to go through but, for some, there is the chance to enjoy life again, long may it last.

Saf if you get to the stage where you don't want to post, could you just put a 1-10 of how you're feeling. We can send messages even if you are just reading and not responding. In fact, that goes for anyone.

Got to fly now, see y'all later x

Ooh ps, just remembered MsGee is on holiday the lucky babe but where is Isinde?

good news about your MIL faire

that's a good idea about the number posting - thank you. i will try and remember rather than just crawl into a virtual hole

ISINDE!!!!!!!!

rightly I don't know whether you're a poster or lurker who has / had an alcohol problem? If so, you'd be very welcome to join us and to tell us what has worked for YOU, and how we could support YOU, and you could post in ways which support others on here who are struggling.

However if you've read much of the threads you will have seen that we support each other in WHATEVER way we are choosing to tackle our issues. On a personal basis we may not agree with the particular approach that another poster is taking, but we do not criticise any approach. We cannot know how it is working for another person, only how it might have worked (or not) for ourselves. This is not a debate thread, it is a thread where we support each other.

I do not care a jot HOW any other poster is tackling their issues. I don't care whether they are totally abstaining or moderating; I don't care whether they are using ant-abuse drugs, or hypnotherapy, or support groups, or praying to God, or hopping naked round their living room. I care only that people are trying something, and that they feel that they have here a place where they can post without being judged.

fwiw I think you are very wrong to make your assertion about AA, and to post it here. That may be your personal opinion, and you are entitled to hold that opinion. But I think it is not helpful to this thread. And I will report any other posts that you make that have similar comments.

Reported rightly - posts like your can do much more harm than good.

sat surrounded by christmas presents - had amassed a bit more than i thought. just took ds's scooter out of it's packaging to check there was no time consuming construction that needed doing (in which case i'd do it now) and it is SO cool! i think i want one lol.

legalalien - in case you lurk - thank you so much again for the ben10 stuff you passed on. i have been able to fill a big tin with figures and it is going to be like a treasure trove for him! i know how much they all cost individually so there is no way i'd ever be able to present him with a gift like that so i am really really grateful. oh and your son is amazing to have kept his toys in new condition. it is a standard saying in my family that my ds is "hard on his toys" so i'm very impressed.

Morning BBs

Silver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - hello lovely, so glad to see you are back and that your mum is feeling better, you must be so relieved. And, you have a plan! A plan! Go you!!!

Saf - you have got us to lean on, the same applies to you Silver. If you need and want us to support you, of course we will! We can have 2 watches on the go can't we? The good thing (if that's what I mean?) is that you are aware of the drop and what it will do for you. Not like if you forget your meds and end up spiralling down for a few hours.

You need to keep a record I think, a diary maybe, write down how you are feeling at regular intervals. So every few hours just a quick note to say what is going through your mind........ just keep in touch okay? xx

Faire - fantabulous news my love! Just brilliant to hear a good news story for a change when cancer is involved. You must be so relieved for her. xx

For those of you who remember Red - I had a text from her this morning. She's still with her man, has a gorgeous dog and is doing okay for now, still not working but she seems happy which is great.

We're off to the Christmas party at nursery in a while. The power lead for Nemo's feed set was apparently delivered to here, yesterday morning at 8:15am and signed for by me.

I think not, I was in bed, DH in the shower and the builders not on site. Also, when I called them last night to ask where it was, they said it was on it's way and could be delivered up to 7pm. Which it wasn't.

Anyone want to hazard a guess at how cross I am?

venus - sending you love sweetheart xx

I just wanted to share the response I received from MNHQ when I reported rightly

"Hi AChristmouseTail,

Thanks for contacting us.

We agree that this post is in poor taste but we don't tend to delete on those grounds because it would be really hard to know where to draw the line.

The truth is, we don't think we should be the arbiters of what people should find offensive and what they shouldn't. On the whole, we think it's better to let the boards self police in these instances, as it's very rare that a tasteless comment is left unchallenged.

Best,

Kat"

Make of that what you will, be back later xx

"This tends to be the pattern in AA; newish members get carried away with the threatrical, 'faux serenity' of meetings, where, as noteven said herself, one is persuaded to keep the shit in one's life for one's 'sponsor', and only talk about how great the 'program' is 'in the rooms'."

bollocks. I was in a meeting the other night where the chair spoke purely about her problems and how she was addressing them - and, in general, this is the advice I have received myself over several years in AA. I also regularly hear people discuss quite openly how they choose not to practise certain elements of the program (I am one of them). They are never criticised.

"By which time the unfortunate newcomer has mortgaged their life to AA, in terms of the promises they have given to family members, who may have been persuaded into al-anon, whose main purpose seems to be persuading the afflicted to go to AA meetings." Bollocks - I have never made any promises to family members, in fact the whole ethos of "one day at a time" goes against "promising" anything. No one in my family is, as far as I know, in Al Anon and no one has ever tried to persuade them to join it. I think that this is most people's experience, in the UK at least.

"Do you notice how often noteven referred to her 'illness'? And how fantastic AA is? She has been thoroughly brainwashed into thinking that she is powerless." Perhaps she proved to herself that she was powerless. Perhaps that's why she was desperate enough to think that a church hall full of other alcoholics could help her. Very few people join AA for the biscuits - most of them are despearate and have tried everything but AA already. Again, this was my case. They stay - as have I - because it works for them, at least better than anything else they have tried.

"Someone noted that they went to a lovely meeting with a couple of very oldtimers, a couple 'with' 8 years, etc. What does this say about all of the newcomers who have wandered in, over the years? They have either run for their lives or gone back to drinking." Or perhaps, one day at a time, they have gained 8 years' sobriety. Just a thought.

"These people are not mentioned. AA causes binge drinking and suicides." Bollocks - alcoholism causes those things. It causes them among members and non-members, more often among the latter than the former.

"I would recommend CBT. And education." Neither of which tend to work if someone is still drinking because the person is rarely honest.

Can I say "bollocks" again?

you can say bollocks as often as you like MIF!! all i have to say is 'meh, and if you cant be helpful then fuck off'!! (ever the lady! )

silver!!! good for you!!! i'll be standing right next to you all the way lady!!!

faire, thanks for sharing about your MIL, my mum is struggling with waiting for test results etc etc, i can tell she is being brave but i know she is scared.

fwiw, for reasons far to long and boring to go into, i spent 2 hours in a pub in town last night - OMFG!!!!! if ever you need a reminder of why you want to be sober just go and sit and listen to the fucking boring sods holding up a bar! in the end i was ready to stick pins in my eyes and pool que's in my ears, jesus h, and i used to think i was the life and soul of the party! please, just shoot me if start drinking again!

will do jesus

any other requests?

hi all - am a bit behind, so many of you struggling with problems right now
noteven what's the update with DD?
saf you ok?
silver good to "see" you. About time this bloody bus moved!
mouse feeling any better?
thurso been shagged recently?
faire and obrigada and venus and jesus and MIF - hi all.
sorry if I missed anyone.

saf

seriously, when i was on holiday i was given a daily reminder of what heavy drinking does to a person from a couple who spent at least 17 hours out of 24 sitting at the bar, they looked, sounded and smelt like heavy drinkers and i promised myself that there is no way i would go back to that, apart from anything else, in upwards of 30 degree heat, they must have felt dreadful, dehydrated, headachy etc - last night the bar was holding up about 5 people, obviously regulars, who spent the whole 2 hours talking total bloody drivel, you know, with lots of arm waving, close up into each others faces with a bit of thumping the bar for good measure, it turned my stomach tbh, i expect they were happy as pigs in shit and opinion of them would mean diddly squat, but it really bought it home to me that that life was not one i wanted anymore, my life is full now that to fall back into that would be a crime really.

how you doin ma?

Hi babes,
I'm running in very quickly to say hi and give a few quick hugs to you all. I am completely up-the-walls busy, but in good form now, after a horrible week of fights, screaming matches, and long tearful discussions with DH. We're sorting ourselves out, he's sorting himself out, and I'm feeling happy and optimistic again. Best of all, I AM NOT DRINKING. :)
Will post properly later, but after reading the last few pages in my lunch break, I didn't want to just lurk and not post. :)

Many, many apologies for my posting whilst I was drunk yesterday.
Yes, I drank, even knowing that that would cause DD to be taken away. And yes, it is DD that you should be feeling for, not me. I apologise for my denial and for my poor expression that came from denial, anger and self pity.
I was developing quality sobriety and then lost it. I wonder if there is an element of self-sabotage. I certainly can see that DD most definitely does not deserve this.
If I have upset anyone, then I am so sorry, and yes, I should have been honest when I started to struggle. I was kept in over night, and need to just get back on with the job in hand now. Yes, today I won't be drinking.

Afternoon Babes, tis me, Mouse

Nursery's Christmas party was awesome, my gorgeous little boy played with another child, I mean properly played, and the little boy signed thank you to him in Makaton

Plus he met Father Christmas and was given a gorgeous book, Nemo signed thank you to him and waved goodbye too.

Plus, my chap in his second interview has been offered the job, the assignment DH passed to me because the client had asked for me so that's good news, AND the power lead has arrived for his pump so I can now feed Nemo with the pump making everyone's life a whole lot easier!

Theala - well done to you! That's fantastic news xx

Ma - much better, still coughing but the ups and downs seem to have settled more today, I feel more even if that makes sense? Still got the stranger tingle in my left arm but my scan appt is only 2 weeks away.

JWN - scary isn't it? Watching people having a night out, just the odd one or two

I cringe at some of the sights on offer when I'm out these days. I never think 'oh I wish I could look like that, staggering all over the place, being obnoxious, leering at people, isn't it great looking twatish and talking so loudly?'

I do not miss that, so yes, I'll shoot you if you start to drink again!

Saf - how are you feeling lovely? Okay so far? xx

MIF - how are things with you? The family all okay?

hi all - just logged in for my daily "lurk" and noted all the messages encouraging people to post updates. So here I am. Am having a very strange week this week - was quite depressed last week as you know so spent some time on a number of mental health websites looking at stuff (trying to decide whether to go to GP and seek antidepressants) and ended up reading a bunch of stuff about cyclothymia, which is a sort of very mild form of bipolar. Much of the stuff goes beyond just "ringing bells" and mirrors word for word what I have, variously over the last twenty years, tried to explain to friends and family about my mental processes at times (my mind "spinning", fragmented thoughts, incoherent jumps in thoughts when I'm speaking to people, insomnia, the list goes on and on). So I have spent my few free moments this week having a bit of self-indulgent introspection on the subject. which was all very interesting, and the outcome of which is hopefully that I'm a little more self-aware - not convinced it's something I want medical intervention in.

SaF, you sound a little better today? Hope your DS enjoys the toys (mostly birthday gifts from friends - I've never liked Ben10 that much although I did used to know a lot about it!). I'm very proud of DS for being so good with his toys. He's even better now that I've introduced a policy of letting him sell things (most recently his scooter, which he never really took to). Can you tell that I'm not a hoarder?

Hi to everyone else.. will disappear off again as I'm determined to clear the backlog of my coursework this week....

(and for the record, haven't been perfect on the drinking front - for example I had a glass of wine at our class Xmas lunch), but haven't been dreadful either (on Day 3 of this week).

Hello Legal - it's great to see a post from you! Thank you for posting an update

I think, reading your post about MH, that the best thing to do is to go and speak with your GP and tell them how you are feeling. There are plenty of ways to support you these days, gone are the days of chucking pills at you or locking you in a padded room wearing a white coat.

People used to live under the misconception that mental health is evil, it's not to be talked about, the large elephant in the corner. Because of course, it congers up horrible images of screaming, hysterical people 'running through the streets, or cutting themselves, or hearing that it's PND because she has a baby, or it's drink related, drug related because her mother was a gin hag, his father was a gambler and a complete nutter, he was a right thicko.......' that sort of thing, you know? Ignorance is blind, the fear comes from the unknown, the mis-understood and it can be dangerous, it can stop people from seeking the help and support that they so desperately need.

Mental health is now far less of a taboo than it used to be and I for one would shout loud and proud that I need help. I need help to get through today, to get through the next hour, next minute.

If you feel that something's not quite right, then please talk to someone. I'm not saying that you feel any of the above, I just think that you'll benefit from having a discussion about how you feel today. How you felt yesterday, last week.

Even if you think something sounds 'daft' say it, tell people, tell someone. Let it out. I know that if you posted here in the MH section, you'd get nothing but support. And this thread of course!

It sounds as though you are much more in control of you drinking and indeed your life if you are managing to clear out DS's toys! Do you want to come here and start on my house?

It is lovely to hear from you. I hope that you get the support that you need xx

venus hopping naked round their living room I haven't tried that one but will bear it in mind for Friday night. Although, to be fair, DH is more likely to think I've been drinking than abstaining if I try it.

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing Legal and *Theala. And well done on the 3 days. Been another busy one here but, today I will not be drinking .

Thanks guys. Generally I'm pretty functional (in my own mind, anyway), and certainly as far as DS is concerned, but I do wonder whether DH may have been putting up with more than can be expected. Part of the problem is that I don't have confidence that the GP, who doesn't know me from a bar of soap, is likely to be able to do a decent job of figuring out what is going on (I say that because that was my experience the last couple of times I've tried that route - 20 years ago when they decided it was a good idea to blame everything on my parents and had very fixed views on why I might have an eating disorder and 15 years ago when they very quickly diagnosed depression and gave me drugs which turned me into a total insomniac and freaked me out). I could be wrong though. Will think on it over the Xmas break.

Enough about me though! sounds like plenty of people have harder stuff to deal with. I think the combination of winter and Xmas in this country is deadly (much better to be in the southern hemisphere and combine the stress of Xmas with the summer holiday...) I gather we're in for a cold snap at the end of this week - so best of luck to those in the north...