Starting out alone, advice please?

[TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums]

Not sure if anyone will recall but I've had a few threads on here about DP and I've asked him to leave. Financially he can't realistically move until January which I've agreed to but where do I go from here?
I've been with him since I was 18, I don't really know that many people. I don't know where to start having a life!
Also I need to come up with some form of access don't I? He wants it as and when he can but I want stability and for him not to turn up at random.

Ooh I think I've replied on one your other threads today. I'm sure plenty of ppl will come along with lots of great advice on here.

Think of this as the day you took control of the rest of your life! It'll be scary but exciting at the same time and you have lots to look forward to!

About only wanting to take DSD to the park? This evening he threatened to pick DS up by the ears and throw him on the naughty mat for blowing a raspberry. FGS DS is 2! It's finally sunk in that he isn't a good person to have around them and whilst I do shout far more than I should I've never threatened them in any way. Also had DS crying hysterically the other night as he thought DP had thrown his special toys in the bin because he wasn't asleep

Personally I wouldn't discuss your intentions regarding access etc too much. If he says we'll do it as and when, blah blah, just say 'we'll see what happens' or deflect him somehow. In the meantime, arrange to have it formalised through the courts or mediation anyway. You don't have to have confrontations or agree it all beforehand, just get him out and work from there.

Agree talk about it in mediation when you will be with a third person.

He sounds like such a nice and reasonable person

Re making a life for yourself, can you start having a look at some classes you could to or trying to make some of your current frienship stronger?
Think about how you will be able to rearrange the house to your taste?

What a charmer!

You need to prioritise. First step is to get him the hell out of the house. Everything else follows after that.

If you're genuinely worried about him around the kids then CAFCASS and the courts is the way to go. If not then you'll need to negotiate with him. He also has responsibilities RE maintenance etc.

As for you having a new life. That normally happens automatically! ;)

And get rid of his horrible computer desk! It's all magnolia at the moment so I have a blank slate
And I'll get the while duvet to myself.

Having read, and in some cases re-read, some of your earlier posts - example here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/1334669 this is the twunt who's taking dodgy supplements.

This is also the twunt who keeps you short of money while trousering a load for himself , this is the twunt who was allegedly going to be moving out 5 days ago and, despite what you may believe the contrary, I suspect that this is the twunt whose feet are so firmly under the table that he has no plans to go anywhere at any time let alone early next year.

I repeat: your flat is in your name and as you are not married your p has no right in law to be in your property.

If you seriously intend to 'start out alone', ask this controlling abusive twunt to leave your home and have the police remove him if he is unwilling to go peacefully.

As for access/contact, given his short-fuse and the terror he has already inflicted on a 2 year old BABY, I would suggest that you ensure that he is NEVER left unsupervised with dc and, to this end, I further suggest that you ask your local social services department to assist you in protecting your dc and give you the support you obviously need to cut yourself free from this sadistic bully.

Oh, he was supposed to move out already but didn't?

Listen to Izzy.

Allegedly he was moving out last Monday evening, buzz - see here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/1342587

Instead of posting your issues with this abusive twunt on a variety of threads, OP, may I suggest that you post exclusively on this one in future so that no-one can be left in any doubt about the difficulties you are encountering in launching this self-centred bully into orbit around planet offufuck.

He talked me round last Monday into giving it another try. I had posted that on another thread.
Sorry if that was confusing! When threads drop out of my active ones I can never find them again

What makes you think he won't have talked you round again by January, if he can do it in a day?

Face it, honey. He has no intention of going anywhere and every day he remains in your home is another day that you and your ds are being subjected to emotional and verbal abuse

You may be big enough and ugly enough to take it; your ds isn't. Get this twunt out of your home asap. As he didn't leave last Monday, get your entry door locks changed and get his bags packed and waiting for him on the doorstep this coming Monday.

He talked you round into 'giving it another try'?

What you mean is you allowed him to remain in your home so that he can fuck with your head some more and continue to terrify your ds.

Maybe ease up on the OP hey!

Tiaras, you need to get this man out of your house. Now. He is manipulating you and is potentially harmful to your child from what's been posted.

Do you have any friends/family that can help you make this happen?

Here's another of your posts: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/1342089

This is a man who just keeps on abusing giving. What a charmer, not.

Well that makes things clearer.

Though the spit or swallow issue still needs clarification.. :o

Ease up? You go at your own speed, Sparks, but please be aware that the OP has previously posted concerns about her 2yr old ds's behaviour and when it comes to protecting children from abuse my foot's always going to be holding the gas pedal right down to the floor.

Hence my last post. :)

Way to frighten off the OP izzy. Stop haranguing her, she has made a massive decision. It's not like he does not have his own will. It took me 6 months to get my horrible ex out, he simply would not go and it was bloody hard.

However saying that, taking into account my own experience I would get him out asap. There is nothing to be gained from spinning it out. The flat is in your name, that will make things so much easier for you. Me and ex were joint tenants and he wasn't going anywhere. You will manage, I promise you. Don't let this arse rob you of your dc's first precious years. I will always regret being so emotionally screwed up by ex that my dc's first years were not as happy as they should have been. Don't worry about access now, all that will come later and to be honest will evolve naturally. I used to let ex come whenever he wanted and as he made a new life for himself it all got so much more bearable. Just don't get too deep into practicalities atm. All that will come.