I love my husband, I really do, but sometimes the way he speaks to me is just awful. When we first got together he seemed happy and friendly and lovely, but now he just seems to be getting grumpier and grumpier.
Today we went to visit his sister in hospital who has just had a baby. We were waiting to go in as she already had visitors and our 4 year old nephew came to talk to us. My husband asked if he'd been to school today and nephew said no. Husband was sure he had and kept asking him about it - 'what did you do at school today?' 'What time did you finish school today?' I told him not to wind him up as he didn't know for sure he had been to school. Nephew went away and came back and husband started asking him again.
I've had a problem with the way my husband treats his nephew for about a year. He can't seem to keep from picking stupid little arguments with him. I remember the first time he met my niece soon after we got together she was 5 and he was so lovely and smiley with her. He never seems to smile at his nephew. I insisted we take him out for the day a few months ago and he left me with nephew in the children's room of the museum for an hour, then when we took him back to ours he fell asleep and left me to entertain him all afternoon.
We took him out again a few weeks ago and my mum came too as we also took a young relative of mine. My mum commented that my husband didn't really get involved with the children and I stuck up for him but agreed. I worry that he'll be like that if we have children.
Anyway, I was telling him not to wind nephew up, so he said I was winding him up. I thought he was joking as we sometimes do have jokey arguments. I then said maybe nephew was confused as his grandad had said he was picked up from school after lunch, so that probably got him muddled. Then husband said really nastily either "Oh just shut the fuck up will you?" or "Oh just fuck off will you?" I was so shocked that I have forgotten which phrase it was, but it was definitely one or the other. If it wouldn't have caused a scene with his family I would have got up and left but I stayed and pretended all was fine.
It's not the first time he's sworn at me. He never used to but over the past year or so it's happened the odd time, and I really want it to stop as I don't think it's acceptable to swear at a partner. He has called me a bitch before. I demanded an apology last time he said that but I don't think I ever got one.
When we got home I thought I wouldn't be stroppy about it, I'd just calmly ask him not to swear at me again. I said I was going to bed, he hugged me and I said "Don't swear at me again okay?" He immediately pulled away from me and I could tell he was pissed off so I just said I didn't think we should swear at each other. He said "Well" and I knew he was about to tell me I shouldn't annoy him as then he wouldn't have to swear so I interrupted him and said "Well nothing, it's not acceptable for us to swear at each other. If you can't accept that then you can leave but I'm not going to put up with being sworn at anymore. I'm going to bed now, goodnight. I love you."
I went up but came down to get my phone charger soon after. I went to his chair and put my arms out for a hug (because I'm weak and can't ever stay cross for long) and he said "No, I don't like being told what to do." I said I was only telling him not to do that because he wouldn't do it to anyone else, like his customers, so he shouldn't do it to me. He said customers don't nag him so I reminded him that they do complain a lot but he still wouldn't swear at them so he shouldn't swear at me. I honestly said all this calmly and not sulkily, but now with him refusing to hug me I think he feels like the power is back in his court.
I'm just so sick of being taken for granted, but should I accept that sometimes partners do swear at each other ?