My husband loves his mum. He also has a degree of disrespect for her. It goes deep. She left his father when he was about 13 years old for another man and took her son (my husband) and daughter with her. That new relationship failed. I get the vague idea there were a few more failed relationships after that before she met the person she is currently with (and has been with for 20 odd years) an elderly gentleman about 10 years her senior, well off and I perceive a "safe bet" (i.e. she can control him). He has proposed marriage to her but she has constantly refused because I guess she likes her independence and her own house - all fair enough. Husband has never talked in detail about the time apart from that he hates her for breaking up the family and I read between the lines that she lent on my husband as a boy a bit as the man in the house. Certainly my husband has historically said he is just like his mum and nothing like his dad although he says this less now. He despises his dad more for being weak but I dont even want to go into that one as to why (here or in my mind).
I used to get on ok with her (MIL), I would almost say I used to get on well with her. However since I had our second child I have not got on well with my husband who essentially withdrew from me (anticipating that a second baby 18 months after our first would be a lot of work). he left me to it and has kind of admitted it since. Weeks before the birth he bought an album called "separation road" by a swedish songwriter (wallander) and listened to it obsessively. I felt isolated. I may have had postnatal depression, I certainly felt like i was out there being a mum on my own.
My son our second child is now 18 months old. Since his birth my husband has had several conversations with his mum finding fault with me. Laziness, failure to keep house to standard, keeping a very tight reign on money (money is short admittedly) and (bizarrely but I admit it!!) that I drink too much tea (desparate for the caffine in the sleep deprived days).
My husband listened to her. This has not helped the poor communication between me and my husband.
MIL came to stay with us for christmas every christmas since I have known husband. Last year was ok but moments of great strain - our house feeling small with two children under 2 years, MIL and her gentleman friend, looks of horror on MIL face seeing me changing nappies (I think she wanted me to do it behind closed doors etc). She has never been overtly confrontational but little things like she is totally against breastfeeding and fairly regularly talks about being woken by crying babies in the night.
My question is - how much power does a MIL have to break up a marriage? Some does I think my MIL has a lot of power to do it and she might just eventually manage that.