DH is really boring me, very irritated

[witherhills]

been going on for a while now
All he talks about is work, or his next flight or his next holiday.
Constantly organising his own life, doesn't help much with home life or DS
I feel like I've got nothing else to talk about except DS.
I feel like anything nice I do, he is resentful of, he has made comments about me going to the gym or playing tennis. But he is out for lunch all the time, friends and colleagues as well as clients
Massive imbalance in finances too, he spends money like it's going out of fashion, and I'm left trying to balance the books. E.g took DS out for his birthday tea, he couldn't make it(had to work) I got the tube home and he told me off for not getting a taxi.
I'm not going to spend £40 when I can get home on the tube.
We need some more storage, getting toilet removed under the stairs, he's just suggested getting a wine rack! Just thinking of his own wine. Not the pile of paperwork that needs storing, or the ironing board or household stuff.
How can I get him to think about me and DS a bit
more?
Doesn't help that he is probably a workaholic, but moans about work constantly.
He does 12-14 hour days, is shattered and grumpy at the weekend. Doesn't have much patience with DS, which I have to make up for

I'm so fed up. I don't want to live like this
We had weekend away last week, which was nice, but we didn't really have fun, it was just ok

Well said garlicbread!

Good for you, Wither.

I looked on the Womens Aid website for info on how to find a solicitor who is sensitive to issues of domestic abuse. These are the contact details listed for Merton and Wandsworth. They're Victim Support groups, which doesn't look quite right somehow ... I reckon it's worth ringing one of them; they should be able to refer you on. I recommend finding someone who's experienced with DA, or at least is ready & willing to face conflict. My solicitor was all 'collaborative' and really didn't understand what H was trying to do - as a result, I got crap advice and H shredded me to ribbons.

Merton IDVA:
Telephone: 020 8685 1637

Website: www.victimsupport.org.uk
Opening Times: Mon-Fri 9am-5pm

Wandsworth IDVA:
Telephone: 020 8767 1641

Website: www.victimsupport.org.uk
Opening Times: Mon-Fri 9am-5pm

empire's advice is good, too, esp wrt money. Do, please, find a professional with relevant experience to talk to.

Cheers, just, she'll get there in the end! (With a tiger of a lawyer, I hope, to ensure she and DS have their rights.)

Well, actually, in the light of day I'd like to add that for me it doesn't necessarily follow that he is not a nice caring person - obviously he is not acting in an acceptable way, but people and life are much more complicated than that.
You said that you are bored, not angry or hate him?
Maybe you are hoping to improve the situation without resorting to divorce? This may be possible, but separation is an important thing to get your head round if you just don't want any of it anymore, and he needs to get in on the act, so probably the real threat of separation will be the only thing to spur him on.
Certainly you can't go on being 'subservient' 'doormat' (just can't think of better words). So at least starting to stand up for yourself and not just taking it all lying down would be a start.

I'm definitely going to stop being so vociferous on these kinds of threads, I feel actually it's impossible to say the right thing without knowing all the ins and outs of any situation!!!

I hope you work out a way of having a happier life. You certainly must not go on living your life the way you are - according to his moods, wims, blow outs and then trying to give your dc a happier living environment in amongst all that.

Let's see if I can keep to my good intentions now!

"I feel very sorry for him, he definitely needs help, and I think he's going to end up ill."

you need to stop feeling sorri for him - focus on you and DS.

if he isnt engaging with you both when at home except to moan and complain then really what joy does he bring?

he can continue to have his nice work/fun/jet setting lifestyle-but he will have to pay for to homes one for you and DS and one for him sounds like he can afford it though.

talk to a lawyer, file for divorce and get a new life - honestly you and DS will be happier in a small flat with the basic essentials without him coming in causing havoc .

well fuck me, I just spoke to a lady at my local victim support and she was AWESOME.
Seriously the questions she asked, it was like she knew DH.

they have a drop in centre on Monday, they have free legal advice
garlicBread, thank you so much for finding that number for me

Great news.

Brilliant!!!!!

Oh well done!

That's lovely news!

Going to have an extra special weekend with DS, I asked him what he wanted to do and he wants to go to space!
Any MNers help with that?!

You could take him on the Eye.

There's the Greenwich Planetarium, no child should miss it!
Planetarium Shows

The Greenwich Observatory has a range of fascinating stuff going on, including evenings at the telescope (depends on timings & weather.) Let him have a browse through: www.nmm.ac.uk/places/royal-observatory/

Science Museum ImaX 3D this weekend:
Service The Hubble Space Telescope
Deep Sea (obviously not about Space)

The Science Museum is a one-stop wonder shop for children. Start here.

The Wimbledon ImaX is showing Tintin and the Unicorn and The Lion King in 3D, which have nothing to do with space but it's close to home. At Kingston they've got Arthur Christmas in 3D, plus the same two as Wimbledon. www.odeon.co.uk/fanatic/cinemas_imax_london/

I miss London :(

You sound rather boosted by your informative talk! Hope all goes well for the next few days :)

garlicBread, are you my fairy godmother?
thank you
fabulous idea about the planetarium.
I would never in a million years think of doing something like that with DH, way too much stress. DS will love it

Hooray! Have fun!
:)

If you go to Greenwich there's also tons of interactive fun for kids at the Maritime Museum complete with nice cafe for lunch. Enjoy!