Have you ever been assaulted by a man, be it boyfriend or other?

[BoobleBeep]

I've just counted how many men I've been hit or assaulted innapropriately and I counted 16 altogether, is this a much higher amount than normal? I suffer from bad anxiety, could this be a contributory factor?

None, never.

Apart from a boy who pinched my bum when I was 8. I whacked him round the head with an Atlas and got a detention for my trouble. [hmm[

Hit? Never
Touched inappropriately? Probably about 5

So for me that is quite high, yes.

Do you have your twat radar sufficiently adjusted?

One, with whom I was not in a relationship.

One ex who used to threaten me, throw things and once pushed a bike into me (which inconsider assault).

Well (takes deep breath) I was beaten up at school buy a boy who was older than me, I was punched in the face by another at school and at the age of 15 slapped around the face by another guy from school. My Dad attatcked me on several occasions when I was a teenager. Aged 17 I was punched in teh face twice by a boyfriend when he found out I had kissed someone else. I was sexually assaulted by another man a few months later. I was slapped around teh face by a friends boyfriend who thought I had been talking about him and a fe months later beaten up quite badly by a boyfriend when I left him for someone (I was 20). I was then beaten up by my next three boyfriends and the one after that put his hands around my neck and shook me really hard.

I think that's about it.

I don't think I'm particularly annoying, quite fiesty maybe but that's it.

I would say the boyfriend I've had who people would thin were nice & harmless are the worst! The mean looking tatooed ones I've had have always been the nicest!

Too many times to count. Always wondered what the hell was wrong with me, but now I think I know what the answer is.
Abusive men are cowards and will pick "easy" victims: women with low self-confidence, the isolated, young naive girls, the disabled etc etc.

Spot on sonic re victim type. I guess I had "magnet for tw*ts" tatooed on my forehead. But I like to believe that I've learned from my experiences. Still doesn't stop me from occassionally having revenge fantasies though.

inappropriately touched buy two, semi strangled by one (he let go when he saw the fear in my eyes)

Unfortunately I now will be with noone that is bigger than me either by height or width.

I will not risk being with someone that could physically over power me.

4 non-partner (in fact most of them complete strangers except for an older person at school). 1-3 partners (not sure whether you're including sexual things or just hitting- only one actually hit, others forced sex). Not in any was atypical for women I know either. None of these have been followed up by police though some were reported (basically was told with the strangers that as I couldn't identify them they couldn't do anything which is fucking stupid and a lie- they just can't be bothered).

Also I don't see how it could be anything to do with my 'twat radar' when most of them were strangers who I didn't know or choose to spend time with e.g. one of them was when stuck waiting at a bus station for a delayed bus as a young adult ffs- what was I supposed to do to avoid that? Stop victim-blaming please.

By inappropriately touched I mean physically not sexually

One quite serious sexual assault by someone I thought was a friend; groped by a stranger so I grabbed his arm with one hand and smacked him about the head with the other until he ran off.

Never been assaulted by a partner. My dad used to beat my mother - the merest hint of anything approaching that and they're history.

Yes, by my ex-husband. Once he crossed the line from being threatening to actual assault I left. No-one else.

Assaulted? Never.

And only times I have ever been (mildly) groped were on the Tokyo subway in rush hour (avoided it as much as possible), and in a gay bar in Sydney by a drag queen who wanted to check if my breasts were real .

A random nutter once pulled a knife on me and tried to rob me in broad daylight as I was walking back from the hairdressers.

And I've been groped a few times in nightclubs but have always given the perpetrators short shrift.

Never been assaulted by a partner.

No never been hurt by any man and would never stand for it. I dont think a man would ever try anything like that on me Im not that type of girl.

I definitely do not think its normal to have been assaultoed by 16 men. Tbh I wouldnt say it was 'normal' for even 1 to do this as most men wouldnt do this in my opinion.

Never been assaulted and the only cases of inappropriate touching ended badly for them.

I don't think I have ever told anyone this, but you got me thinking... When I was about 12 me and some older teens were out and had a few drinks, they were all snogging etc and I wouldn't, after some name calling I walked off and one of the older boys cornered me and sexually assaulted me quite badly, I never told anyone and even went out with him a year later it's depressing when you think about how low you felt you charted on the existence scale as a child.

Moving on from that I can think of another occasion on which I was groped aggressively, but I soon learned to avoid the situations when I reached my 20's

Loads. I was sexually abused as a young teen. Then went on to have very abusive relationships. I got into positions where I was sexually assaulted and raped again. Including by a taxi driver.

Suffice to say it took lots of work, lots of help, crap over the years. But my twat radar is so high now. I can spot them a mile off.

That's what makes this topic on mn so sad. Many threads, you can see the cycle, you can see where they are in it, like you once were. You can pick up the tiniest of clues.

See some people who haven't been through it or the subsequent help can think you are being hysterical by picking up the tiniest thing and going on to explain. It's because they all follow the same script and they all give tiny, tiny clues.

I also don't like the post blaming women for assault, like they are a certain type, it's their fault. They are some how weak for not fighting them off. Granted you are more at risk if you have been assaulted before and haven't got your radar sorted. But that's not a slight on the woman like some seem to be suggesting here.

I also would like to point out a reality. When you are up against a twisted man twice your size, determined to rape you. Catching you from an off position. It's not that easy to just kick him in the nuts or give him what for. They aren't fussy about type either. So until you have been in that position with a serial rapist, I don't think any of you should be passing judgement on the woman. That really is disgusting and you should be ashamed. Wonder why rape reporting and conviction is so low? You even have women somehow saying it MUST be the TYPE of woman?

Jesus Christ.

Fwiw I don't take any shit now. I can't tolerate twats. I will not go in a taxi by myself however anymore. Nor go out walking in the dark by myself. You can be as strong as you want. You can't account for psychos.

I think bubblegp brings up some interesting points. No-one thinks they are that type of person, until they are. I hope that every woman can be safe an confident, but keep in mind that dismissive over confidence can be as risky as vulnerability.

I think you will find a pattern of abuse often stretching back to childhood years go some when it comes to having been in situations like the op's I was abused as a child and as a young girl thought that I was worthless, I was a perfect match for a young boy who had grown up watching his abusive drunken father neat his mother and sisters into unconsciousness.

Its only after a lot of time, mistakes and pain that I see those patterns and how to avoid them.

I also was thinking on this earlier, our societies idea of sexual abuse and assault is so varied, a man feeling up a woman on a night out after a few drinks is seen as a normal happening for most woman I know, educated and independent women, where does this attitude stem from?

I still know adult women talk about women who have been assaulted as if they have invited it upon themselves, if we have this attitude towards each other then the men who do choose to prey on women will always be able to get away with it.

yes, I found myself in a violent relationship when I was 19. Other boyfriends I have had had and my husband have not been violent. I disagree that there is a certain "type" of woman who gets assulted. It is nothing to do with intelligence and its hard for people to understand what it is like to be caught up in an abusive relationship. Sometimes ignorant judgements can make the situation worse for the woman.

I think that under extreme stress the woman develops almost a "stockholm" type syndrome. I think a situation develops that is almost akin to depression. The pychological damage makes it hard for the woman to see her situation in prospective. It think that CBT type approaches like protective behaviours would be helpful for women who find themselves repeatly in abusive relationships. I say this becuase a protective behaviours course has helped me considerally 17 years after the violent assault I experienced.

In my profession we see it time and time again that there definitely is a type as such that these men in relationships go for. Its well documented and I hardly ever see anyone that deviates from that model. Its not victim blaming but it just is what it is those types of men can sense certain things in certain womien a mile off.

Molly that was not the question. You don't have to be a certain type to be assaulted by a stranger or raped by one. They are opportunists.

The question was have you ever been assaulted.

I don't believe for one minute it's your work. As you wouldn't come out with something as stupid or offensive. As it wouldn't happens to me, I'm not that type.

I was talking about within relationships there is a definite type in which it is much, much more likely for it to happen. I work in a job which very closely liaises with social services and this is something every social worker I know agrees with.

I also think bubble you recognise it yourself as you talk about the cycle and twat radar for a myriad of reasons that is what these females lack. Well done to you for managing to work it through to overcome this as it is onlya small percentage that ever manage to do this unfortunately.

You are a social worker? Jesus Christ. You should know better. Some go for strong independent women and like the challenge of grinding them down.

That's why women won't always report dv and tape. Even social workers see it as the woman's fault. It's the type she is, it could never happen to them as they aren't the type. It's the woman's problem.

What you said was really offensive and you work with social services? Jesus that is scary.

The UK 2011 people and this is the view of other women, some in authority to help you, supposedly.