Have you ever been assaulted by a man, be it boyfriend or other?

[BoobleBeep]

I've just counted how many men I've been hit or assaulted innapropriately and I counted 16 altogether, is this a much higher amount than normal? I suffer from bad anxiety, could this be a contributory factor?

I dont disagree a certain pattern is common in abusive relationships.

What I do disagree with is other women suggesting it is their fault for being a certain type. Others dismissing the fact assault could happen to them as they aren't that type. It's hugely offensive, naive and placed the blame firmly at the foot of the woman.

I didnt say it was their fault foe being a certian type. I am saying it is because they are a certain type they are targeted by these men that doesnt at all mean its their fault. It could be due to abuse, low self esteem, neediness etc etc but men like that can sniff it out a mile off and that is usually why women are repeatedly in those relationships. Doesnt make it their fault what has happened to them that led to that point wasnt their fault however that is what the men sense

'these females' - christ on a fucking bike.

I wrote that as I usually for myself and others use the term girls and got toldoff for it on another thread and ws told to use the term females

Unless you're talking about children, women is more accurate than girls.

What thread?

Good question OP, many people overlook violence that occurs between siblings. Growing up I was constantly abused by my brother (two years older) but as he had SN it went largely unpunished and unexplained by mother who couldn't cope. At various intervals I would mention to school with a range of reactions. A) Sympathetic to the situation, they were aware he went to a SN school; B) Not interested as no sexual element or C) Dismissed in reports as attention-seeking.
Nevertheless the last time he attacked me I was 19, just come out of a long relationship (he didn't attack me during the relationship) and I was left with broken teeth and seventeen stitches up from my lip. For the first time ever he was made to account for himself when he pleaded guilty and added domestic violence to his already long list of convictions. For the first time ever I was given support and validation when the police officers described it as domestic violence despite his SN they said he knew exactly what he was doing and he even admitted to them he didn't mean to cause that much damage!
There is no support for violence within families, no-one to turn to when everyone is protecting the wrong person.

:( Booble. I'm not surprised you suffer from anxiety having been through all that.

Have you ever thought about doing the WA Freedom Programme?

Yes, sexually assaulted (possibly more but I can't remember) by a 'friend' when I was much younger.

Also very heavily coerced into sex by a guy once in my late teens, I guess I couldn't call it rape as didn't scream / struggle / say no but maybe by some definitions it would be as I didn't want to but realised there was no way he was letting me out of his bed.

I was too naive and alcohol played a part too.

I have only just started to deal with these events.

Never hit. I can't imagine it tbh although I know the hitting isn't the first thing that happens iyswim, its the psychological wearing down...

Had my arse pinched a few times though, does that count?

I've been physically assaulted in some way by all 3 of the serious boyfriends I've had.

The first kicked my legs black and blue in bed one night whilst drunk. The second used to grab my wrists and drag my about the house. He once banged me off the floor until my back was bruised and I had a thumb print sized cut on my neck. The third once dragged me around the living roon repeatedly one night, screaming that he was "Going to fucking kill me".

No wonder I feel so sad about relationships and love in general right now.

Op you can definitely help yourslef to change and improve your chance of becoming involved with these types of men. Dont accept it and never find ways to justify what these men do men who are good for you wont do this. Realise it is easier to say than do but programs that work on your self esteem may benefit you as some of the thinsg these men sense are whether you have a low self worh or self belief it can even be little things like body language, whether the person will meet their eye etc. You are worth more than this and dont ever accept it as normal behbehaviour for either men or women to treat you in this way

Molly - I would be interested in your description of the type of woman that are more likely to suffer assault?

Genuinely

I am talking about relationships bejeezus as that is what is usually focused on at my work. Obviously for assaults there are random nutters that target anyone but usually in relationships unfortunately there are lots of trigger factors such as childhood abuse, low self worth, low self esteem, neediness, poor role modelling etc etc.

In our area these types of abusive men actually target certain places in order to prey on these women, and a lot of people who we have worked with have met in very similar situations (dont want to say too much as fear of getting outed). There are known 'hotspots' as such where these abusers target women for the sole purpose of pursuing a relationship with her which descents to abuse. Not at all saying it is the womens fault but there is often something in the women that these abusers can sense very quickly, which unfortunately means you hear a lot of very similar stories.I thik as the op says she has bad anxiety this is something that the op can work on before she embarks on another relationship.

Raped 3 times in the same night when I was 15 yo virgin and v naive; the 3rd guy being my 'rescuer' introduced to me by my friend to whose house I had staggered afterwards in search of help.

Never hit. Raped a couple of other times by boyfriends in my early 20s and once by a boss.

Nothing since I got to about 25, by which time my self esteem, confidence and self reliance had shot up.

None of it would have happened in the first place if not for one woman's vile bullying to which I was subjected constantly from the age of 6 until 11. There are many before me and many after, who suffered her behaviour over the years too. All damaged.

I was far more traumatised by her than anything else.

Twice . First guy assaulted me 10 x , psuhed me over, slapped my arm, wrapped a wire around my neck, threatened to throw hot boiling fat in my face. slapped my leg, pushed me into kitchen unit.
second bastard was ok for first 3 years, then pushed me, pulled me till i fell over, slapped me in belly, threw a case on my head from top of stairs, shook contents out of my bag, then threw my hand bag across room. Threw a plum straight into my eye.
I have finally made the right choice and picked a nice guy is is kind, caring, patient, loving, never rarely shouts and has never got physical with me in any way. Its taken me 30 yrs to pick the right man...

I was mugged in the street by a man as I got out of a cab once. I broke my wrist and smashed up my face as I fell, needed some stitches in my eyebrow. The police never caught him :(.

But never by anyone I know.

I was in an abusive relationship as a teenager for three years. I'm 34 now and I've never been assaulted by anyone else since then. I can't imagine being in an abusive/violent relationship again. I've had a fair bit of therapy and I can identify red flags pretty quickly and I have enough self-esteem to leave a relationship at the first hint of one.

I do think self-esteem is the key as most women know deep down that they're being treated badly, but just aren't confident enough to leave the relationship.

Raped by a boyfriend at 17, and I really wasn't the 'type'. Emotionally abused (I guess) by another in my early 20ies. He has since married someone much like me objectively speaking, tall, attractive, confident, successful...we are his type. He is still an arse by all accounts.

I married at 19. He was 24 and grew up watching his dad hit his mum. He hit me three times in the six years we were together. Oddly, that isn't why I ended the marriage .

jux, that is awful, fucking awful. I really hope you have been able to move on.

I was 'date-raped' by a 'friend' at university. I was punched by an ex, but I punched him back and it was a genuine drunken error as he was so apologetic (he was already a ex by this point). I was sexually assaulted on the London Underground by a stranger. I've been grabbed and kissed more than once, and had my bum pinched several times and those have all resulted in the man being slapped.

I've been sexually assualted by 2 strangers and raped once by an ex boyfriend. Stbxh HSU slapped me round the head a few times and kicked me in my pregnant belly.

Molly, thanks for your explanation. Mosti of your reply gives contributory factors ie chilhood abuse and poor role modelling is not a TYPE of women. Low self esteem is the only character trait you gave.
Further more assualts outside of relationships are not perpetrated by 'random nutters'. It is very common and often by people known to the victim; there is plenty of testiment to that on this thread.
I reckon at least 50% of women that I know have been assualted to some degree by a man at some point in their lifes

poor role modelling and chldhood abuse and other factors lead to the low self esteem/worth but low self esteem/worth is always featured and that is the 'type' as such the abusers prey upon. I think that is shown in the people on this thread who say that was them but since working on their self esteem the men they attract has changed.

To the op (if you still around) there are way, way more decent men out there than there are awful ones.

To answer the op question as a child I was hit daily by my brother and have no idea why my parents did not do more to stop it. I can remember whacking my sister once and my mums reaction ensured I never did it again.
As a teen my dad beat me on several occasions and I was date raped at 15. Two violent relationships followed once in late teens other in early twenties.
Was also assaulted twice at uni, possibly 3 times now I think of it. After ending second violent relationship I learnt a lot about myself and my self esteem improved dramatically. Since then I have not had relationships with anyone who would be capable of physically or emotionally harming me. Then more recently I was groped in daylight by unknown assailant who ran off. This I found quite shocking as my life was so far removed from the chaos and insecurity of early times.
Thinking about it I have also twice been threatened with sexual assault both by senior staff at work. It's a sorry old world isn't it? I hope for so much more for my daughters. And I'm really sorry for anyone who is currently going through it.

When I posted above I didnt think about my parents who were both extremely cruel and used physical punishments alot.