Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does he have to be so mean

52 replies

nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:01

On xmas day my brother mentioned that they were re-opening the function room in the pub he works in and so there was going to be a NYE party.

I said I would love to go, and db said he could probably get me in free. Cue lots of maoning and 'your not going' from dp.

I just left it in the end, couldn't be bothered.

Then yesterday a friend text me saying she would have loved for us to go out but she couldn't get a babysitter, so I text her back saying to let me know if she got one and we'd definatly go out.
I told dp and he didn't really say much, and I was thrilled at that.

Anyway it seems that he didn't quite understand what i'd said cos now today he has blown his top because I want to buy shoes incase I go out. It's not the shoes he is annoyed about but the fact that I have made plans without consulating him and the fact that he doesn't want me to go.

There is now a right atmoshpere in the air and tbh i feel really devestated that he can be so mean. I never ever go out, mainly because this always happens. I turn down invites all the time because I know he won't like it, but how can he, knowing how much I really wanna go, stand there and argue about it, like I am doing something awful.

The last time I went out was over a year ago.

Looks like we won't be going anyway as my friend still can't get a sitter, but that isn't the point, he has just totally stamped on what I want again.

OP posts:
peckarollover · 30/12/2005 20:02

Maybe he wants to see the new year in with you?

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:04

No, would be nice to think that but it's not that. We will sit in watching tv like every year, and he may not even stay up to see the new year in.

He just hates me going out. Don't understand how he can't see that he is making a big mistake here, and by the time he realises it will be too late.

OP posts:
Sleighmenere · 30/12/2005 20:04

Ignore him ffs, he can't dictate when you leave the house, it's against the law!

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:05

I know but he will be so bloody miserable to everyone.

Like i said I probably can't go anyway now, but feel so sad about him seemingly getting some pleasure out of knowing I want to go and him stopping me.

OP posts:
beansprout · 30/12/2005 20:06

What would happen if you went? Does he just make it not worth going?

SenoraPostrophe · 30/12/2005 20:07

have you asked him why he doesn't like you going out?

this latest one may be a real misunderstanding so maybe ask about the nye one.

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:08

We would end up having a huge row before I went and he would be arsey with me and the kids, which isn't fair on them.

Last time he threatened to go out whilst i was getting ready so that I couldn't go.

OP posts:
Sleighmenere · 30/12/2005 20:08

If he would enjoy the fact that you couldn't go on a night out when yoou really wanted to, well that is very f*cked up. Sorry if my bluntness offends, but really he's is your dh, he is supposed to love you.

Sleighmenere · 30/12/2005 20:09

Nutcracker - from what you have said you are obviously married to a bully, and as we all know bullies need to be stood up to.

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:10

He likes me where he can see me is the only thing I can think.

He only likes it if we go out together or stay in together.

I keep telling him, I am 27 for gods sake not 107.

He is 47 and couldn't care less if he never went out again.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:11

He is being arsey with me now, because I am in a mood about not going, but what does he expect.

OP posts:
SPARKLER1 · 30/12/2005 20:11

Go out and enjoy yourself. If he wants to be miserable, leave him be. Give him the opportunity to join you and if he says no it's his own fault. Why should you be made to feel unhappy. Life's too short.

beansprout · 30/12/2005 20:11

Is he insecure? Is he scared someone else might like you?

lockets · 30/12/2005 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bev1e · 30/12/2005 20:22

Go!

You're behaving exactly as he expects you to behave - he knows you won't go out if he's in a mood! Once he realises you have a life and aren't afraid to live it, with or without him, hopefully he'll come out of his mood and decide to go with you too!

Show him that 2006 is your year!

(Hope this isn't too harsh - been on the wine!)

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:25

I don't want him to go with me, I want a life of my own.

He is definatly scared someone else will like me, he hates me going to work cos an 18 yr old there famncies me.

I used to be quite tolerant of this but we have been together for nearly 10 yrs now, if he hasn't got over it thats his prob.

His ex wife left him for someone else too, but tbh i can't say I blame her.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:34

Thinking about it he is just like his mother, not happy unless they are making everyone else miserable.

OP posts:
bev1e · 30/12/2005 20:39

Why are you worried about going then? Just go! Hope you get to kiss the New Year in with many handsome princes.

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:46

I am not worried more dissapointed that he is putting me in this position again.

If my friend gets a babysitter then I am going, but it will cause such a row and bad feeling I don't know if it's worth it or fair on the kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 20:48

It's hard to explain but whe he started on about it I felt like someone had slapped me, and though 'god not again', why can't he just be pleased that want to enjoy my self.

OP posts:
bev1e · 30/12/2005 20:51

Maybe he feels threatened and sad that you can enjoy yourself without him?

He's being unreasonable and by the sound of it it's not the first time. He can't hold you and the children to ransome by being a moody bu**er just because you fancy a night out.

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 21:09

He does feel threatened but I've had enough of it tbh, and he is really starting to push me in the wrong direction.

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 30/12/2005 21:21

Blimey I can believe I'm reading this.

You have to go out Nutty, you just have too.
I'd be spitting mad if DH did this to me and (right or wrongly) I'd tell the kids why Daddy was being a shit the next day when he was being an arse.

What's happened with work? Has he sorted out the leaving early thing you posted about the other week?

Honestly Nutty, do NOT let him dictate to you like this.

Socci · 30/12/2005 21:22

Message withdrawn

Original poster
nutcracker · 30/12/2005 21:25

Can't take turns cos he won't go out. I certainly wouldn't mind if we both went out sepeartly once a month but he won't.

Yeah we sorted the thing about work, basically I just said that there was no way I was giving it up cos we needed the money and he never mentioned it again.

Am just so tired of trying so hard to get a life and not getting anywhere.

OP posts: