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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just read a bit of DH's history...

62 replies

MadFool · 26/10/2011 20:03

I have just read a newspaper report of an incident from a few years back prior to me getting together with my dh.

Apparently he assaulted a female - I think it was an ex and had been charged with common assault. This was after he had killed a kitten, banned from keeping animals for five years.

We have been married a few years with one dd.

He had told me that he had drunkenly assaulted a male outside a pub - liar!

I feel sick to me stomach, and just needed to tell someone. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadFool · 26/10/2011 20:03

my

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 26/10/2011 20:05

What do you want to do?

janajos · 26/10/2011 20:05

I think you need to ask him about this and make sure that you are sitting down! Don't let him get away with half truths. Does his behaviour to you concern you? A leopard doesn't very often change its spots.

How on earth did he kill the kitten? Poor little thing.

GypsyMoth · 26/10/2011 20:06

Poor you. Thats awful. What made you search?

What do you want to do? Are you both otherwise happy?

Original poster
MadFool · 26/10/2011 20:06

I have no idea, suggestions most welcome

OP posts:
meltedchocolate · 26/10/2011 20:06

What is he like with you and your DC? Has he ever so much as got aggressive?

Mutt · 26/10/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggInABap · 26/10/2011 20:09

Oh dear, that is quite a shock. He's obviously not who you thought he was at all- assaulting his ex is disgraceful and enough to be a dealbreaker IMO but the killing a kitten...... He is clearly sick in the head. I would never leave the baby alone with this sadistic man ever again, sorry.

TheOriginalFAB · 26/10/2011 20:10

What did you know before you married him and does he know you know more now? How did you find out?

Original poster
MadFool · 26/10/2011 20:10

He is the best father, no aggression whatsoever towards dc.

We argue and he has been verbally aggressive, and does lose his temper.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 26/10/2011 20:13

welcome to mn.

Why would you go looking for his history?

It would never occur to me to google my dh.

Original poster
MadFool · 26/10/2011 20:17

TheOF - I knew he had been charged with assault, that was all. he told me that much.

Someone sent it to me anonymously.

He will be home in an hour, I won't be able to look him in the face. I feel sick, how could I have made such a mistake? I don't want to make any rash decisions but will have to ask him.

Now I'm thinking 'what else is in his past?'

OP posts:
cuppatea2 · 26/10/2011 20:22

I might also be wondering what else is going on at present if someone saw fit to inform you now after all this time.

bubblegumpop · 26/10/2011 20:25

Wonder what he is upto for someone to want to grass on him, to you specifically. How awful.

buzzskeleton · 26/10/2011 20:34

Cruel to animals and assaulted an ex? [needs a 'feels sick' picture]. I'm so sorry.

Someone capable of both (or either) of those acts isn't someone I'd want near me or my dc.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 26/10/2011 20:40

he has been verbally aggressive, and does lose his temper.

What does he say to you when he is being verbally aggressive? What does he do when he loses his temper?

squeakyfreakytoy · 26/10/2011 20:42

I dont know what to say, but I would be really careful how you raise this subject with him :(

I honestly dont think I could continue to be with someone once I knew that about them, but thats just my opinion, I am not saying that is what you should do.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 26/10/2011 21:57

he has been verbally aggressive, and does lose his temper

It doesn't sound as if he attended an anger management course or sought any insight through counselling or similar as to why he behaved the way he did. That makes me fearful that he may re-offend - with you and or dd as the victim(s).

Anyone reading your post will understand why you feel sick and why you don't want to look at this face but, unfortunately, you need to show him the cutting you received in the post and look at his face when he makes excuses tells you the full story behind the article including why he lied to you about these incidents.

grumpypants · 26/10/2011 22:03

Sleep on it - don't mention it now, if you are safe. Is not the time to have any sort of row which may end in you wanting to leave (for any amount of time) with dd. Then 2mrw do a bit of digging.

SnapesMistressofFear · 26/10/2011 22:07

I would not be able to be near him, sorry but he would disgust me after reading that.

ShriekingLisa · 26/10/2011 22:09

When you say anonomously how do you mean? Someone posted It or on the net?

MysteriousHamster · 26/10/2011 22:15

How are things OP?

I think I would find it very hard to be with someone who had done those things, never mind lied about them. Best of luck whatever you do.

buzzskeleton · 26/10/2011 23:22

Yeah, a kitten killer? Shock Who does that?

BoneyBackJefferson · 27/10/2011 10:24

A little late but I hope that you have spoken to him to get his side of events.
Newspaper articles often have few details and even less background.

cestlavielife · 27/10/2011 10:25

you need to worry about the present:

"verbally aggressive, and does lose his temper"

that aint good.

has he sought help for this?