Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Decree Absolute has arrived!

20 replies

susiedaisy · 20/10/2011 23:04

My decree absolute has arrived today and to be honest I'm not sure how I feel, bit numb really, although ive no regrets at all, I just don't feel like celebrating, how did anyone else feel when their's came through?

OP posts:

Kayano · 20/10/2011 23:07

Not been through it but my aunt found it a pivotal turning point. She didn't exactly celebrate but she used it as a point to get on with her life. And start eating better etc. she looks much better for it and has put on a bit of weight which is good because she lost so much with that she went through

Good luck to you

Original poster

susiedaisy · 20/10/2011 23:28

Thank you

OP posts:

tranquilitygardens · 20/10/2011 23:42

I was not bothered either way, I was more concerned about the fact that finances had not been sorted out, as our final hearing that was due to be heard before nici or absolute was bumped.

gettingeasier · 21/10/2011 06:15

I am waiting for mine any day now once the finances have been sorted fully.

I expect to feel quite sad and kind of surreal but then I am overly reflective anyway but I imagine after that just a sense of relief and pride that I have survived this whole sorry saga.

Not looking forward to the divorced "label" though , goodness knows why as its hardly uncommon

Kayzr · 21/10/2011 06:25

I'm going against the grain here as I felt happy and excited. I was no longer married to the dickhead who caused so much pain and shit in my life.

I can now happily plan my future with DP. Obviously I still see XH because of the boys but I was over the moon when my decree absolute came.

maras2 · 21/10/2011 07:07

Mazel Tov (congratulations).Never done it myself either but my lovely sister did recently and all I can say is that she is a new woman.So sit for a while, reflect, then enjoy your new found freedom. Mx.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 21/10/2011 09:02

Mine is coming in February and I am planning to be abroad, partying with my best friend and a few other people. I already feel like a new woman (8 months into separation). I've also regained the 20 pounds I'd lost due to the stress of breaking away from an abusive, life-threatening man, and it feels great. Mentally, I am myself again and more. The legal finality of divorce will only be a cause for celebration.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/10/2011 09:22

When I say I'm divorced people say they're sorry to hear that, and I say oh no, don't be sorry, I worked hard for that divorce! It would be like saying sorry you passed your driving test or sorry you finished that course, because the lessons are over now and you have to go it alone.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 21/10/2011 09:24

I like that, Annie!

Original poster

susiedaisy · 21/10/2011 09:33

'i worked hard for that divorce'

OP posts:

mrsravelstein · 21/10/2011 09:37

mine was a great relief, but possibly partly because it had taken 5 years to get it from when we separated. wishing you lots of happiness in the future.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 21/10/2011 09:40

I definitely see my divorce as an achievement. I am proud of myself for leaving an abusive marriage, and I don't care who knows. In fact, it makes me very happy to think that I might help someone just by being an example that it's possible, and that it's ok, just like I wish I'd had.

Onemorning · 21/10/2011 11:53

I cried for three days, which I hadn't expected as he was abusive and I divorced him, he also tried to mess up the nisi. I think from this thread it's obvious how differently people feel when they get it.

Good luck for the future xx

Original poster

susiedaisy · 22/10/2011 09:36

Thanks for all your posts

OP posts:

bellsring · 22/10/2011 10:27

I cried alot too and he was abusive. Just because a partner is mean to you,unfortunately, it doesn't mean you don't have a broken heart and broken dreams.

Original poster

susiedaisy · 22/10/2011 10:41

bell agree completely

OP posts:

bellsring · 22/10/2011 10:44

strictlycomedancingdiva · 22/10/2011 11:42

I was sad, the future I had for us and our DCs had gone, starting again was not on my agenda.

MeMySonAndI · 22/10/2011 11:48

Good for you.

When I got mine I was expecting I was going to feel something, the need to celebrate (most likely) or sad for it marking an end to an era, instead I felt the same as I do when I get my water bill and went on with the day as if nothing had happened.

Obviously, there was no emotion left... I didn't give a hoot about it...

BTW I also see my divorce as an achievement, it was the hardest battle ever but it was one that needed fighting, I have no regrets.

catsrus · 22/10/2011 12:19

He left me - but I felt good when the DA arrived, a real sense of the door closing and a new chapter of my life beginning (not what I expected in my late 50's!) - but the BEST feeling (weirdly) was the day I knew he was getting married - I just gave myself the day off to sit and think and read and play on MN and by the end of it I felt positively liberated, the phrase coming to mind was "he really is someone else's problem now".

If it wasn't for the distressed caused to my DCs (through his idiotic way of handling it and the stupid insane jealousy of the OW) then this would be a totally positive time for me - despite now having to worry about money and think twice before buying stuff and not being able to have a holiday for a few years [hgrin]

Flip