Please be around whilst I break up with this crap man

[purplebridgett]

Hi everybody,

Was just hoping to get some support. Am about to break up with a man I know has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and I'm scared. He's got to go, no doubt about it. He doesn't love me and I don't love him. But I've now tried to break up with him six times and six times he's managed to persuade me to keep going (we've been together for 15 months). He's never hit me but he has a terrible temper and one time he did raise his fist.

I've realised trying to split up face-to-face is no good - he always wants to analyse our relationship and/or have one last hug and I end up getting drawn back in. The last time I tried to end he got very angry and ranted at me, calling me a cocksucker, a cock, a bitch. Then there was something about the look on my face that worried him and he calmed down and started telling me how worried he was about me. Then the next time I saw him it was all 'I love you, I want to cuddle you, I want to make love to you'. And back I went.

So it's got to be quick and clean and no looking back. Though on one level it feels cowardly, I've decided to do it by text and I'm going to do it tonight.

I don't have any close friends who I can talk to about any of this so please be around for me. I'm worried that after I've taken my son to nursery tomorrow he'll turn up on my doorstep or accidentally on purpose bump into me on the way home. I keep telling myself the worst that can happen is he'll launch into a tirade like before. But if I know anything about him it's that he's unpredictable and I have a serious case of butterflies.

Got to go to work.

No, in his mind it's not over until he says it is: you are there to suit his purpose, so you breaking it off simply does not compute.

Do not hesitate to involve the police. It's only when the police intercepted him on my doorstep that my own crap man stopped harassing me. He simply wasn't able to accept the words "it's over" and "no" when they came from my mouth, because that kind of disordered man just... can't.

It is stalking and it is harassment. The law is on your side: make use of it. Because Crap Man just will not be reasonable, so you can stop expecting him to be.

Of course it was too good to be true - you don't get rid of leeches that easily.

At the moment it's in your power to end this once and for all by taking affirmative action, but the longer you leave it, the worse it's going to get.

Forget Women's Aid - give the police non-emergency number a call because the only thing that is going to put a stop to him laying in wait for you and calling at your home whenever it suits him is a few words in his shell-like from the boys or girls in blue.

Please trust me when I say that if you don't act now, he's going to crank this up and matters could become extremely unpleasant.

Also, please don't worry that if you involve the police that he's going to bear a grudge again you and try to 'get back' at you in some way.

For sure he'll hold a grudge against you - he's already got one, but once he's been warned the most he'll do is glower at you if he genuinely accidentally encounters you in the street.

purple

Never make this guy a promise no matter how vague - he will keep you to it.

Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.

It's all very well to say that, Red, but this man has every intention of making sure that purple can't ignore him.

If he's not warned off, he'll be in her face continually because he's on a mission to get her back under his thumb.

She won't be able to answer her front door to genuine callers for fear it's him and she'll be continually looking over her shoulder when she's out and about.

He's an insistent and persistent bug - squash him now, purple, otherwise he'll swarm all over you and your life will be a misery.

I've skimmed through the earlier posts on this thread.
What happened about the house purple? Are you going to be able to move?

I think if I was in your shoes I would call the local police station AND Women's Aid for some advice.

Be strong. You have done incredibly well to get this far - and good for you for calling the taxi.

Izzy

True, but I think the news should come from a third party so Purple doesn't have to enter into any dialogue with this guy. Whether that is a serious chat from the police is up to Purple.

Control freaks like this dump people. Being dumped themselves is not on their agenda and he will therefore not just be unwilling to accept it but be unable to accept it.

Stay strong and resolute Purple.

The only appropiate third party is the police, Red, which is what I said earlier when I cross posted with ITMAMPN who, I am pleased to see, is of the same mind.

Izzy

Anything that keeps her safe. That's all that matters and I hope she is.