Is my anger ruining my marriage?

[amItooangry]

I have been married 6 years and have DS aged 2. Last night DH came home at 3.30am (pretty usual for him) and we argued about everything and for the first time talked about splitting up.

His main concern is that I am too angry with him and it is affecting DS. I do feel angry most of the time, but tbh I feel quite justified in this and don't show it in front of DS.

We have lots of issues, exhaustion, shift work, money problems (and related trust issues) plus his family obligations (he is from Africa) and never really get a chance to work through all of this.

I am worried that surpressing this anger/upset is damaging my emotional and physical health and that he is trying to minimise my feelings and our problems by saying "well, if you could just stop getting angry, everything would be ok".

I feel that he really just wants a quiet life, with no confrontation and doesn't mind if I am seething inside, just as long as it doesn't affect him.

Any advice appreciated thanks

Can you go stay with your mum for a bit?

What have you actually told DH? Does he know you are thinking of separating?

If you feel there is any chance he could be violent or take DS, get out of there.

Could you talk him into going to stay with someone else?

amItooangry really feel for you tonight. Saw your update of an hour or so ago, stay strong and safe. I really hope and pray for you that this is resolved as quickly as possible and that your H doesn't play any/many more games. Best of luck. xx

One day you will back and know you made the right decision.

Good news update. We have now split up. Just focusing now on keeping ds and myself safe and happy. Thanks for all the support and encouragement. I know it was the right decision.

it also says that 'not hitting you' is all the respect that he thinks is necessary towards you in the marriage. I had that almost word for word

me too

I also wanted to say you've come an amazingly long way in such a short time.
How does it feel to be out?

Well done for following through!! I know things will be tough for a while but I think we'd all agree you've done the right thing, you could not go on in a relationship like that.

Are you worried about his reaction or was he decent about it? I hope you and your boy will be okay, be sure to lean on your mum and RL friends as much as possible.

OP you are incredibly lucid and courageous to have acted so quickly and decisively.

Do you have solid RL friends and family you can lean on?

I only found this thread now and wanted to give you some advice, since my DH is African too, but I can see that you already acted so quick and decisively. Well done you! I personally have chosen to stay in a similar relationship, because we have two DC and I cannot collect myself to divorce; because I managed to detach myself emotionally and feel empowered in my own decisions; because I set rules in the house and my DH complies in most occasions; because I have some sympathy to DH due to his medical condition and less fortunate background than mine. Although I envy you a bit! - you will have a chance to meet a really nice person. Good luck!

I feel almost zen like calm today, with a few emotional moments but overall I feel like I have got my life back. It was an almost instanteous decision, like when you you suddenly see the hidden image in an optical illusion and you can't ever see the original image again.

I used him passive aggressive nature against him, and as I have seen suggested on here he would never have gone from his comfy life on his own, so I just moved his stuff into storage and left him the key. He hasn't been back so must have found somewhere to stay.

Of course he will be angry with me, but upsets me more than anything is when I see how little he cares for DS - already he has even stopped pretending.

Anyway, DS is happy and playful although he knows something is happening and has actually been very sweet and supportive - big hugs for mummy! We are going to buy him an elephant today!

Confused, I'm sorry you are still in that situation - mostly I also felt sympathy for his hard life and then suddenly I realised that that is not love.

amItooangry I really admire how you resolved your relationship just within 3 days of posting your first post. I hope, if I ever want to divorce, I will also have such clear decision in my head?. while I am completely not ready to even contemplate a divorce in my head, I have created my own thread asking whether is worth staying in such marriage?

Confused is sounds like we could be the same person, and married to the same man! Please pm me if you want to share. You think you are coping but you will exhaust yourself. There was a real turning point when i became seriously ill and couldn't do all the normal things. Not only did h not care for me, he expected everything to carry on.