Falling out with a friend

[PrincessFiorimonde]

DP has a friend (let's call him X) whom he's known for about 30 years. I first met X about 15 years ago, not long before I got together with DP (same group of friends), so he is the friend of both of us, even though X obviously knows DP better than he knows me. We all get on well together; in the past we have been on holiday together, and X has stayed with us the last two Christmases (he is a single man).

But a few months ago DP and X fell out. It sounds like such a daft thing. DP lent X a couple of items, but then X said that these items weren't 'lent' but 'given', and so he doesn't want to give them back. That's not a big deal really; and DP says he can live with that.

I have phoned and texted X several times in the last few months - not to ask him about any of that, but just to ask him how he is. But no reply to any of that (just got the answerphone). Today DP and I bumped in to X out of the blue and we had a drink together. Then X just left, saying we had never helped him when he needed help and he wanted nothing more to do with us. (But see above re: Christmas, for example!)

My DP is so upset. He doesn't know what he has done wrong. I am very fond of X - but if he won't talk to either DP or me about this, what can we do?

(Sorry for ranting.)

You can't do anything about this really. You just have to let it play out in its own way however that might be. You have done as much as is reasonable. Now it is time to leave the ball in your friends court. There could be stuff going on in his life atm that means he isn't himself - you don't know as you haven't been there recently. Give him time and don't hold it against him if he comes round later.

How old is X ? Agree with poster catherine but can't help wondering does X need looking after as his behaviour sounds juvenile given the basic facts.

He sounds like my pal who is an extremely stroppy gay man. He once fell out (for months) with me because I pocketed the 5 pence from the fiver he gave me to buy a £4.95 bottle of wine. And other things similar to yours. He has no family and often treats those closest to him quite unreasonably. And I have fed him, watered him, counselled him, introduced my family to him over the years. It can be a bit of a thankless task, being his pal

Sorry for you, but you can't do anything really.

Thanks for responding. Catherine, yes you are quite right; I should see it from his point of view too. And 42, you are right to have guessed that he is a bit older than us.