I have a dilemma

[fluffystabby]

I have a dilemma and I think it might help to write it down.

I have a toy boy/fuck buddy/friend with benefits. We see each other when my kids are with their dad and he's free - can be every other weekend, might see him in between times.

He's very caring, thoughtful, the sex is great.

I would not describe it as a relationship - I would just say we are friends with benefits maybe? We text every day, if something happens he's the first person I think to tell and he's the same with me.

So here's the dilemma. I'm happy with the fuck buddy/friends with benefits thing we have going on. Someone else has made it clear he's interested and I couldn't make myself go there because of FB/FWB person, so he's obviously a bit more than a FWB? He's the same - not seeing anyone else, not looking as far as I know.

But I have a major hang up about the 6 year age gap.

And how do I move it on from being FWB to more and do I even want more?

But then it'll just stagnate and not go anywhere.

But I'm the one with the rules and the this that and the other isn't happening.

for example, I will stay over at his, but if he comes here I kick him out even if it's 4am because I'm not ready to have my space invaded and yes clearly I am a bitch but he's never complained god love his cotton socks

I think we need a frozen block of piss from aeroplane toilet emoticon, something like [carpediem]
OP, you're in a relationship and it sounds like a good one :) Don't sabotage it with overthinking.

Fluffy - tell my my love - what do you see as the difference between what you have and a relationship??

Relationships and me do not have a good record. I have a BAD history. I was a doormat and had a shite marriage for a long time

I don't want to ever be in that situation ever ever again.

and you said yesterday that he would be a nightmare in a relationship - what makes you say that?

And what if we fall out and we aren't friends my heart would break literally break much more than ending my marriage which by the end really didn't take a fizz outta me

He says he'd be a nightmare in a relationship so I have to take that at face value

No ya don't ya muppet

Well, how would you feel if you don't take this further and he meets someone else who does want to take it further?

Chippin I would cry buckets eat too much chocolate and my heart would break

So - what have you got to lose by actually calling this relationship a relationship and taking things forward - slowly?

Nothing except I'm scared to call it a relationship

Fluffy - I get that :) but if you don't call it a relationship, if you keep knocking him back, eventually he will find someone who wants a relationship & you'll lose him anyway. Surely it's better to stop putting up so many barriers and take a chance on this. If he was to meet someone else you would not be able to be friends (trust me!!) so you'd lose him anyway. I understand it's scary, but surely it's more scary to ignore what he really wants and push him away - into the arms of someone not fighting having a relationship.

Oh FFS you lot

Stop with the sensible advice OKAY??

He says he'd be a nightmare in a relationship Listen to what he's saying - he wants a playmate who'll play it light and won't be bugging him for commitment - and certainly not at this early stage in your liaison.

As for a broken heart; emotional hearts sometimes get broken, meh, but they heal and are stronger for it.

Convert the hopeful applicant into a mate so that you've got one in hand and one in the bush (albeit not in your bush )

Izzy - it doesn't sound like you read the whole thread - it's not him who is reluctant to make this a 'relationship' which it already is.

Yes - absolutely no more sensible advice

Why not invite them both around for a shagfest?

I've read it top to tail Chipping and it sounds like a match made in heaven;
he says he'd be a nightmare in a relationship and the OP's said she doesn't want one.

I reckon there'll be something shiny in her Christmas cracker this year, and I'm already looking at hats for next summer - unless they cement their non-relationship in the Little Chapel on a holiday to Vegas (there's always good deals in Jan/Feb fluffy).

Bumping my own thread (Halloween name change)

He ....

Stayed

Over

Last

Night

For the first time ever and it was LOVELY

He even made a cooked breakfast before he went home

Awww...

Marry him quick

And I was having a shitty day earlier in the week and texted him to say "Am having a shit day cheer me up"

And he replied "Woman. I think you're sexy with your cute little apple arse. and I intend to show you just how much at the weekend"

And he did

Lucky woman!

I think I like him. Just a little bit.

just a little bit then