Well the parenting book didnt prepare me for this...

[stressedout48]

In a very tricky situation at the moment, DD1 went out with her first boyfriend for just over two years before breaking up 4 years ago, he was clearly her first love, first everything really and they have remained very close since, as he has with our whole family. However DD1 has happened to come across information informing her that DD3 is now seeing her ex boyfriend (who is 5years older than DD3, who is 17).

I have literally no idea what to do.

if he is your best friend, you will want him to be happy and in a relationship

its really nothing to do with you now :)

I'd be gutted, OP, if someone I'd really loved ended up with anyone I was close to, but my sister?? I'd be proper gutted.
And I never do the friends thing with ex's.

I do not own my exes. The are free to go out with whoever I choose. As are my siblings. As am I. So to my mind YABU.

whoever they choose, of course...

YANBU to be upset about it - your feelings are what they are and you're perfectly entitled to feel the way you do. I can totally understand why you're upset.

However, YWBU to do anything about this. Four years is a long time to have been broken up with someone and I think you need to accept that they've made their own choices. If I were you I would just try to stay out of their way for a bit and see what happens.

YABU

It's over and has been for a long time. As they are in a relationship it's possible it's serious and may last and last, even marriage etc. You can't help who you fall in love with... anyway bearing that in mind, and the fact that this isn't in any way a disowning offence, there isn't anything you can do. There isn't anything your mum can do.

You've just got to be accepting and get on with it, I'm afraid.

My sister has a baby with my ex.

I was not happy, I thought it was creepy and wrong.

at least when he was with you he wasn't comparing the two of you, she will never know if he's thinking about you when he's with her

I didn't like it, but they are still together and I had to act like a grown up.

It is not your mum's job to intervene.

You can speak to your mum about how unhappy you are, but realistically you can't ask your mum to try and split them up.

Try your best to rise above it. I know how upset you are, but you will get over it, I promise.

As they are both over age and single it is nothing to do with you. Even if they were not single it is nothing to do with you. You need to accept this and move on.

Most people on here have polar opposite opinions. Some are a friend/family member is off limits no matter what. Other are you and they are over, they are not your property and it is none of your business. Each opinion is as valid as the other.

Aside from that. Personally, yuck!!!!!! My younger (by 7 years) sister's ex offered himself to me when their child (my niece) was about 6. Apart from him being too gross to think about it would just have been wrong. The thought of comparisons and doing things they had done, just ew ew ew.

If you sister has always been like this, please take advise from someone with a foul sister don't waste the next 10/15/20 how ever many years hoping one day she will see the light and become a civil person towards you. She won't. Your mother has by her actions let her know that treating you like this is right and acceptable.

Also don't expect your mother to suddenly say you are right your sister is wrong. Again it will never happen. This is how much your family think of you and the role they have assigned you within your family. She could be more sympathetic and understanding of your feelings. It speaks a lot that she isn't .

I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your ex. Is he really a best friend if he can deceive you about this or just omit something this important to you for so long? I would assume he knows you well and how you would react whether you have the right or not. He also does not see things the same way as you in that family and friends are off limits.

Why would he treat you any different from the rest of your family if he as seen you be treated by your sister and this approved of by your mother over the years? He is following their example that you are unimportant in my opinion.

I would cool relations with all of them and make your own way in the world. You are young and have everything ahead of you. People can only treat you this way if you let them.

oh come on... you broke up with him 4 years ago!

what if they are meant to be together? what if they are in love?
tough luck because you don't like it?
i can see why they didn't tell you.

i am sorry, it must hurt and i can understand why you feel upset.

but at the end of the day he is no longer attached to you, and if he has met someone he wants to have a relationship with then he ought to be able to... regardless of whether it's your sister.