"No need to declare themselves powerless and in the grip of a 'disease'. On the contrary, addicts need more than anything to believe in their own power to control their own actions."
We may be talking at cross purposes here. You see, for me, it was only WHEN I started treating my alcoholism as an illness (for me, a mental illness which means my perceptions are skewed - but an illness nonetheless) that I started taking responsibility and STOPPED copping out.
All the time I tried to control my drinking, I failed to do so. But that was okay - at least I'd tried, eh? So if I got drunk, it was just bad luck. The wine was stronger than I'd thought. Or I must be run down to get that drunk after just six pints. Or it was your fault for encouraging me to have that last drink. Or what was I to do after the rotten day I'd had? I'd tried so hard that if I got drunk it couldn't POSSIBLY be my fault. Hey ho - better luck next time. And after all, no one had REALLY got hurt, had they? HAD they?
Although I believe that my drink problem is a purely mental illness, the most useful analogy for me (and it is just an analogy) is diabetes. It's an illness, okay - but the point is that I can only use the illness as an excuse AS LONG AS I DON'T KNOW I HAVE IT. Once I find out the truth about myself then no more excuses. I know I have a problem and I can't wish it away, rationalise it away, think it away or even make it go away by the power of my will alone.
Still, it hasn't killed me yet; now it's down to me to make sensible choices to manage it because it would be dangerous and selfish not to do so.
How do I do that? First thing for me with my alcoholism is to stay away from a drink. Only problem is, because my mind is twisted where alcohol is concerned, I know that willpower alone won't cut it - sooner or later, my mind will play tricks on me and tell me that this time will be different. Solution - seek help from others who've been there and LISTEN TO THEM.
Next thing - why did I drink? Maybe if I can sort that out, the need to drink will decrease. Well, when I take a good hard look at myself, it turns out I wasn't always such a nice guy. I feel a lot of guilt around that, and I know guilt makes me drink. Maybe I should start putting that right? What about the shame I feel about stuff I did, drunk or sober? Perhaps I can address that too? What about my shyness? How can I sort that out?
So you see, for me, it was the acknowledgement that I had a problem and that I couldn't wish it away - I call it a mental illness, because I did literally mad things where drink was concerned, and the evidence of the past was never enough to stop me doing it again - that BEGAN my responsibility towards myself and others.
How does that explanation sit with you?