Right. How do I start the process?

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

DP and I are splitting.

We have a mortgage together, no equity. DS is almost 4 , I earn a small amount part time, XP earns a lot.

No idea what to do.

and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH

OK - calmly look at the finances - what is the income split? Do you want to stay in the house or sell up & cut your losses? How do you want to arrange things with DS? Are you able to speak to eachother reasonably? If so - try to keep it like that - don't involve lawyers unless absolutely necessary.

& yes AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

Earning split is 80:20 on his favour. I could earn half decent money FT bit would swallow the childcare leaving me with c. 11000 a year and that's a very optimistic estimate,

House is a nightmare.. we bought at the height of the market - literally the highest week its ever been. I have Jo chance of covering bills.

I would have DS, no question. XP couldn't anyway because of his job.

Ok - so is XP happy with that? Are things amicable at the moment? Would he be happy with you being DS main parent & the support that would need from him? Have you discussed any arrangements? Are you married?

& is the house in both of your names?

Could you rent it out to cover the mortgage & see it as investment for the future as you have DS to consider.

Sorry Jareth - am bombarding you with questions.

But - if things are amicable - split the childcare costs - why would you not do that?

& XP will have to pay maintenance for his son conversant with his income.

Too much. I would be main carer, not married. Can see we would need total financial split though.

Couldn't rent the house.. weirdly rooms that wouldn't work :(

I don't fucking know :(

So - how long have you been together? & why wouldn't a rental work? & why can't you share CC costs?

Keep it together.

Sorry - I am hectoring.

Sorry - I left a marriage - it's fucking hard but you can come out of this well, in fact you can come out of this brilliantly.

Don't forget OP that you will receive a lot more tax credits as a single mum so they will most probably pay for most of your childcare

OP I'm going through the same at the moment so am lurking to see if I can pick up any tips.

My financial situation is different to yours but I completely share in the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!

How are you doing Jareth?

& yes - Hairy Beaver is right, find out about tax credits etc.

ChildofIsis and Jareth
Go to this website www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx
It will tell you what you are entitled to in terms of benefits.
I was amazed at how much of a difference the tax credits would pay - I only work part-time too - and felt soooooo much better about the whole thing.
Enough money to pay the mortgage, all bills, childcare, eveything.
Let us know how you get on.