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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How suspicious would you be?

93 replies

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 08:54

We have been together for 14 years. A few years ago he was caught out texting and he admitted flirting and going for drinks with a girl he worked with and he also has a very flirty personality.

All this was sorted out and we have been pottering about happily for the past few years.

He recently changed offices so he works for the same company but in a new branch and has started acting odd. He is very snappy with me and he did this last time also he has put a pin on his phone and it has gone from been thrown on the side and often forgotton to glued to him, he even took it in the bathroom with him last night.
He used to chat to me a lot when he was on the way to work and this has stopped and he is just acting edgy and odd.
He has a raging cold today and is still taking his phone everywhere with him it has also been put on silent.

I know something odd is going on but I don't want to ask him as he will deny it and I will start to think I'm just been a bit crazy. I want evidence so I can throw the fucker out if I find anything and get on with my life.

OP posts:

sicksick · 16/09/2011 14:53

Bloody hell.

What are you going to do with him ?

Original poster

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:55

I don't know. He is ill but is now dosed up on cold and flu stuff that idiot me went to te chemist for.

But he's so sorry.

So that's ok right? Bastard

OP posts:

sicksick · 16/09/2011 14:57

What is the attraction of dirty texting ?

And are there not enough dirty pic's on the internet ?

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 14:58

Rare he is going to divulge the whole story when asked. he is probably going to drip-feed you the facts because that way he thinks it may not seem so bad.

So, is he lying in bed feeling sorry for himself?

He sounds like a desperate little loser. Pictures? FFS!!!

sicksick · 16/09/2011 14:59

If you have the whole truth, why does he want his phone back ?

mmmmmmmmmmmm

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 14:59

Please don't pander to him or help him. he is a grown man. he can look after himself.

It's flu, not terminal.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 15:00

You should hang on to the phone, see how many more messages pop up!

AttillaTheMum · 16/09/2011 19:22

Are you okay?

babyhammock · 16/09/2011 19:59

Yup..never mind him and his cold!!!!!!!! How are you?
Please don't start looking after him.
In fact kick him out now, so what if his family feel sorry for him. Just get him out x

Original poster

CharlieMcGee · 17/09/2011 16:53

Ok this is how it panned out yetserday. I tried to say calm but had a 10 minute meltdown before the school run and stabbed his new and very expensive footbal shirt.
He said a few nasty things before I did this about how he was not sorry and hated me.
He now keeps pathetically saying sorry and trying to grab me and hug me.
He is still here I don't know what to do the dc are around all the time and I don't want them to see us row or him packing, He slept downstairs last night.
I'm in a mess I just want to sleep- I feel scared about the future My ds has just started y9 and is already stressed.
I keep having to go and cry in the loo and started crying in the middle of asda today like a fool. :(

OP posts:

SingOut · 17/09/2011 17:06

Oh yuck at him trying to grab you. Just get him out, doesn't matter what the kids think. It's not your fault, but his. When he is gone you can have some space to think and cry. x

cleanteeth · 17/09/2011 17:46

Sorry you are going through this op :(

Get him out asap, then you can start to move on with your life.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 17/09/2011 22:26

Because of his behaviour, you have some serious issues of trust in your relationship but they are not insurmoutable providing he is willing to attend counselling - either joint sessions, or for him alone, to work out why he appears to be becoming, or is already, addicted to illicit text liaisons with other women.

Now that some of your suspicions have been confirmed, I would advise you to do nothing in haste but take time to consider what you want for your future and whether you want him to be in it.

FTR, I don't see anything overly suspicious in the message his ex-colleague left on his FB page - could it relate to another workmate that he was having difficulty with before he left to work elsewhere?

However, I do suspect that more has occurred than he has currently admited to but, unfortunately, only pentathal can prise the truth out of some people.

Unless he's willing to make a full and frank disclosure of what he's been up to, and what he intended to get up to, with other women, you will always be left wondering whether you are being 'a little bit crazy'.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/09/2011 23:00

Charlie, how is it going?

I would second what someone else said further up this thread. I would bet that he has not told you everything. He will have told you what he thinks he has to, and will only tell you as much as he can get away with.

If he has ANY chance of staying, I would now have very strict rules on phones, that the call log and the BBM log and all texts are kept and not set to delete.

Or kick him into touch and let him take his phone with him

Original poster

CharlieMcGee · 20/09/2011 14:33

He is still here we haven't really talked. I spent all day yesterday in A&E with my gran who is almost 90, she has been admitted and am waiting to hear back today what the consultant has to say.
They did a chest x ray and something showed up :(.
My head is a mess but this has put everything on a backburner, he is still on the sofa.

OP posts:

peasandlove · 20/09/2011 21:47

oh god, when it rains it pours, doesnt it. Look after your gran x

jacksmum78 · 20/09/2011 21:57

I have been there... sudden change in behaviour is the clue, my ex went from never knowing where his phonewas to it being glued to him, he took it to the toilet with him, everything you have said. I knew deep down something was up and trusted my insticnt, my advice would be to be clever, pretend your not suspicious, let him think everything is fine, don't come over as paranoid or mention his phone. He WILL slip up, get lazy and like my ex leave his phone lying round so you can have a look at it. Check the saved messages as well as sent/inbox and dialled numbers etc.

I also managed to get hold of his phone bill which showed he was texting me, then texting the OW! Git....

Trust you gut feeling - don't let him manipulate the situation and put all the blame on you, god they are good at that, get the evidence and slap him in the face with it!

jacksmum78 · 20/09/2011 22:01

oops - new to this and just realised I had posted without reading the latest - sorry!

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