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Original poster

How suspicious would you be?

93 replies

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 08:54

We have been together for 14 years. A few years ago he was caught out texting and he admitted flirting and going for drinks with a girl he worked with and he also has a very flirty personality.

All this was sorted out and we have been pottering about happily for the past few years.

He recently changed offices so he works for the same company but in a new branch and has started acting odd. He is very snappy with me and he did this last time also he has put a pin on his phone and it has gone from been thrown on the side and often forgotton to glued to him, he even took it in the bathroom with him last night.
He used to chat to me a lot when he was on the way to work and this has stopped and he is just acting edgy and odd.
He has a raging cold today and is still taking his phone everywhere with him it has also been put on silent.

I know something odd is going on but I don't want to ask him as he will deny it and I will start to think I'm just been a bit crazy. I want evidence so I can throw the fucker out if I find anything and get on with my life.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 11:17

I'd say he is on to you OP. He may be off to get a new phone if he thinks you are. You may see the old phone lying around now, in which case it is fairly evident what he is up to.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 16/09/2011 11:18

Just googled it.

It is a bit like Skype.

If 'they' both use it calls and messages between them would be free and would not show on a phone bill.

clutteredup · 16/09/2011 11:18

If he's cleared his texts he may know that you're on to him - esp as he mentioned you were looking miserable, you're on MN and then asked to have his phone - i think a direct approach would be the best I like the idea of asking him to leave as its a place you can start from - if he says you're paranoid you might like to point out that he's done it before and the behaviour was exactly the same last time - that will back foot him as he clearly thinks he's 'behaving normally'. It;s your right to ask for evidence that he's not rather than to supply eveidence he is as he has done it before so its up to him to prove to you he can be trusted.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 11:20

Problem is he is probably pre-empting the 'show me your phone' question and there will probably be nothing there now.

nopanicandverylittleanxiety · 16/09/2011 11:28

Sorry you are going through this.

I managed to get evidence of stbxh's stupidity by logging on to his online phone account and viewing his phone usage (88-153 texts) per day. I realise that may not help if your dh is using BBM.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 16/09/2011 11:30

Tbh you don't need evidence if you have this level of suspicion. The suspicion in itself is unhealthy.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 11:33

I think the fact he has done it before and is acting exactly the same is very telling.

I hope you are OK? I'd be so angry and would probably tell him to go as well. I'm sorry.

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 11:33

Ok I am rushing but he has joined something called REMKO's Forum ???

I don't have a clue.

OP posts:
sicksick · 16/09/2011 11:44

Remko's is a Blackberry forum

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 11:49

Ok, he told me today that he was topping up his phone as his BBM had run out. He was lying he has switched wireless coverage off and when I turned it on his BBM was working as normal.

A call also came through but my hands were shaking and I cancelled it, have looked but it is not showing on call log so he has changed that to not save too.

I feel a bit bad as he is really ill today and is in bed sleeping after phoning in sick.

OP posts:
katkin73 · 16/09/2011 12:38

Don't feel bad, use the opportunity to find out what you can, you didn't make him ill, and you didn't ask to be cheated on!

sicksick · 16/09/2011 12:42

I have to say, he is pretty good if he has you feeling guilty already.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 12:43

I agree with Katkin. You may not get the chance to actually have the phone for a long time. Stay strong and keep your wits about you xx

clutteredup · 16/09/2011 12:50

If you cancelled the call did the caller leave a message? - mind you she'll know you're at home with him so might be a bit more discreet if she thinks he cancelled it - try the answering service. Oh poor you it sounds like you know you're right but you don't want to know for certain - not knowing for sure is much worse than knowing the truth as once you do know you can start making plans to move on however you choose to play it- honestly uncertainty is always much worse, and remember we are all here for you whatever happens and whatever you decide to do.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 16/09/2011 12:51

The other thing to think about is that waiting aong time to get evidence will wear you down.

You are perfectly within your rights to tell him that his behaviour with the phone (irrespective of anything else) is not acceptable to you. If he cares about you and respects you he will modify this.

fanjolina · 16/09/2011 13:53

Can you get a simcard reader? I have seen them mentioned on here before.

Or even better - if you have the same phones why don't you swap your sim card for his for a while. Then all text messages to him will come to your phone (BBMs won't though)

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:06

Ok, he has admitted that he had 3 girls on his phone who he was talking dirty too .

He met them on a forum where you swap pins, I then said you signed up for a site called remko and you have been talking to girls online he denied it even though he has set up a profile with his pic on it.

He has said sorry, and that he can't help himself- the stupid dick.

I want him out but he is really ill I think he may have flu -hot/cold/shakey.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 14:12

It's only flu... man flu!!!

God, hat a total idiot he is. I'd have to get away from him if I was you.

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:14

I feel very calm TBH. If I make him leave tonight he will get tons of sympathy from his family as he does look very ill.

OP posts:
aftereight · 16/09/2011 14:15

How about using the time whilst he's too ill to pack his bags to ring a solicitor to arrange a half hour free session to check where you stand re money/children/house?
You do sound as though you have started to mentally move on from him and you are looking for evidence so that you have an excuse to do so (I don't mean excuse in a bad way, more that you are looking for a green light to do it).

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:17

I am quite happy to let him stay over the weekend, as you say I can then sort stuff my end out.

I just feel detached now, it's something a seedy old man will do and I hope he will be very happy cuddling his phone each night rather than me.

OP posts:
sicksick · 16/09/2011 14:46

Seem like you have made up your mind.

Do you think you have the whole story ?

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:49

No because he has just got mixed up and it is now 5 girls and he was asking for pictures :(.

OP posts:
aftereight · 16/09/2011 14:50

If he is delirious with flu you have your best opportunity to get the whole truth out of him Wink

Original poster
CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 14:52

Well yes but he seems intent on me giving him his phone back so not that delirious.

OP posts: