Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

What do you think of this?

5 replies

NessCathy · 09/09/2011 10:32

A friend of mine lives with her DP but lives away in the week as she has a new job, and they have agreed to move to the new town, and have agreed to rent their house out and rent one in the new town).

They have a neighbour who my friend doesn't like and sees as a threat to their relationship. The neighbour is single. The other night, my friend?s partner goes around to the neighbour?s house, and stays for several bottles of wine. My friend can?t contact her partner and when she does, he admits to being next door. My friend is furious but she tells me that her DP ends up shouting at her ?what is your f**king problem?. She tells me all the next day.

I see her the day after and now my friend says it?s all fine, and they?re ?laughing about it now?. Added to this mix is that my friend is 35 and after five years together, her DP is unsure he wants children, whereas my friend does. From an outside perspective it looks terrible.

I'll hold my hands up and admit that this is really nothing to do with me, and I can't speak to people in RL about this as it's completely wrong to do so (but I take the position that on MN, it's anonymous). I?m not going to persuade my friend to do anything, but now they have agreed contracts to move, they?re a bit stuck.

What do you think of this situation?

OP posts:

Renaissance227 · 09/09/2011 10:41

I think there is nothing instantly problematic here, so let them get on with it. There new life in a new place I'm sure will be fine and maybe your friend's DP was out of order going over there but if nothing happened and they are both ok now then why shouldn't you be too?

Jealousy and suspicion are horrible things and if it is just this one time and nothing happened then what's wrong?!

Original poster

NessCathy · 09/09/2011 11:58

I definitely don't intend to meddle. I just maybe spend too long on here, and think his behaviour isn't great.

OP posts:

Renaissance227 · 09/09/2011 14:19

What has he done wrong apart from be a bit too friendly one night and spend slightly more time than he should have with this neighbour once?

springydaffs · 10/09/2011 13:46

erm, I really don't agree with the advice given by posters so far.

I agree OP, it all looks a bit dodgy for your friend. so, what, he was next door with a single woman drinking a 'few' bottles of wine? blimey. to state the obvious: that's not on is it?!

as for 'not being sure' about having children 5 years into the relationship. well, that's not so good either. He sounds like a pain in the arse tbh.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/09/2011 23:12

but now they have agreed contracts to move, they?re a bit stuck

They're hardly 'stuck'. They've made a choice about where they're going to live and it's up to them how they conduct their relationship.

I'm not quite sure what your problem is. From the outside you may think their relationship 'looks terrible', but you're not a fly on the wall and can't know what it is like on the inside.

All you can do is continue to be friends with your mate and be there for her if her relationship goes tits up. In the meantime, I doubt that she'll thank you for dispensing advice or saying anything against her dp.

Flip