Is this a bit weird or is it just me??

[Honeypie80]

I just cannot get this out of my mind for some reason it keeps playing over and over.... DP is very extrovert, finds it easy to talk to people,make friends etc. been with him for 11 years now, met all his family and friends some of them just choose to think i am ignorant and not give me the time of day (im not im just painfully shy, and find it hard to speak to someone i dont really know)

Anyway we go to his cousins wedding last Saturday, most of his family where outside smoking, myself and dp dont smoke, so i was sat inside with his pregnant cousin who doesnt talk much, while waiting for him to reappear from wherever he had gone to.... didnt have any money to get a drink, he had the money that night, wasnt answering texts so all i could do was wait. he finally reappears and it seems hes made lots of new friends outside who he was now sitting with, bought me a drink, not once asked me to go join him, in fact took 25 mins to get the bar while he was chatting to people on the way, to get me a drink, i eventually had enough and wandered out to get some money from him so i could get a cab home, when i get there hes chatting away to his crowd of hangers on, so i had to wait until i could get a word in... i finally get my say and tell him hes a selfish prick be invited as a couple and then just leave me alone all bleedin night, i just got the impression i wasn't welcome outside, he finally got the hint and came and sat by me for once, by then he couldn't string 2 words together, i hate it when hes drunk so we then sat there in silence, and waited for the coach to pick us up, on the way out i overheard his cousin who's usually really quiet telling him he was a selfish t££t for ignoring me all night, so was quite pleased it wasn't just me being weird.

Thinking back now though our nights out always end up like this, he tries so hard to be the entertainer for everyone, make everyone laugh and its always at the cost of the person who has actually gone out with him, its not that hes being flirty or anything (although his own mum has said sometimes he does go to far cos he doesn't realise hes flirting) I'm just sick of being the odd one out, all his family are like this, i especially hate the next day when he doesn't realise how hes made me feel so i get all neurotic about it and always feel like its me who has done something wrong.

why would anyone want to go out and be ignored all night? is this really me feeling something that is actually there or being jealous of him being super confident? just really confused and its eating me up thats he treated me this way again. really sorry this is so long.

It seems that some of these comments are missing the point a bit - to me, anyway. Your partner is supposed to love you and care how you feel - if they know you are feeling shy/ lonely/ whatever - it's normally natural for them to react caringly to that. OP - what you deserve from a relationship is someone who takes your feelings into account - only you can know if that is happening.

Its hard to tell from a description of one wedding whether your boyfriend is thoughtless most of the time - if you feel he is, and you feel he doesn't care enough about how you feel - then why are you with him?

Honestly, its up to you to decide what you get from your partner - if you think he isn't the right person for you and is often thoughtless and ignores you when you are out...get rid! Taking responsibility for your own shyness is a different issue - but you do need to be with someone who considers you their best friend and enjoys spending time with you.

Hi

In every other way he is perfect, i honestly couldnt ask for someone more thoughtful and caring and always thinking of my feelings, we get on so well..... then he has a drink or 2 and he can be the funniest person in the room wanting to chat to everyone....then he has another 1 or 2 and slowly gets louder and louder, shows off a lot more and generally has to be everyone's best friend, while i know there's nothing wrong with this in general (wanting to talk to everyone - not the drinking) it actually does get tiresome of watching him wanting to be centre of attention, i usually don't drink as much as him so i watch peoples expressions sometimes and can tell from their faces they are tiring of his me me attitude. We have arguement's about this which leads to him telling me thats "what hes like if they dont like it then they dont have to listen" - hes right of course, why should he change his personality.

His drinking plays a huge part which ill admit has been a bone of contention,both his parents are very heavy drinkers his mum is borderline alcoholic (has 2 large bottles of cider per day if that counts). he does drink through the week aswell which i sometimes think will he end up like his parents, i know i couldn't stay with him if that happened and he knows it too so i doubt he would get that bad.

As for me part of the course im doing teaches me things like retraining my thinking , at my worst i remember trying to be brave and do the shopping in asda, i was too bad i couldn't even do my make up as i couldn't look in the mirror - this was the worst thing that could of happened, i got to asda got a trolley and remember looking in the clothes section, i then caught 2 teenagers staring at what i had on just jeans, top and some flip flops, and i just felt distraught like i should of been ashamed of myself,ive never felt so scruffy and ugly as i have that day, i walked out after that and cried most of the way home, that was at least 5 years ago and ive come such a long way since then, maybe im not that shy person i used to be now ive moved up to reserved! im now working on my next phase...confident!

and for the record, yes i do have money when we go out, he doesn't stand at the door taking my wages from me, id just bought the first few rounds for a few of us (while he was working the crowd up!) so had run out by the time i was on my own!

Just thinking over what you've posted, I wonder if you tend to assume that everyone around you perceives you in the same way that you perceive yourself? I see that you felt shy at the wedding, and that you also felt that the people around you should have realised that you were feeling shy and should have made an effort to help you overcome that. also, that when you felt frumpy in the supermarket, you thought that the girls thought you looked frumpy too.

the problem is that most people can't tell what you're feeling very easily. they don't know that youre shy and would appreciate putting at ease. Instead, they may think that you're quiet and don't want to talk, or sleepy, or not that interested in what they have to say, or that you think they're boring.

Have to say your DP sounds like a bit of a bore when drunk! Could you just leave him to it and go home when you feel like it?

Ha ha yes i often do leave him to it to be honest!

As for the rest of what you said its probably true word for word. I never actually think how other perceive me rather than the way i think they are perceiving me and judging me. I do need to work on not letting others get to me and living for me really, i'm always so aware of other people which then gets me down in a weird way. something to definately work on anyway!

You're confident enough to judge your brother and his relationship though, aren't you?

solidgoldbrass, I don't really see how that the other thread is at all relevant to this one? Why should OP's confidence issues in social settings with people she doesn't know don't affect her ability to form concerns about her brothers diet?

Similarly, in response to an earlier comment about how the OP is quite "agressive" on this thread for a shy person...again to me that is completely missing the point. I don't think I am a shy person on the internet or amongst groups of close friends...but put me in a room where I have to mingle for hours with people I don't know very well and I become physically awkard, convinced that everyone is staring at me and thinking I don't belong, paranoid about every little thing that I say, sure that I'm being negatively judged by everyone. But, its a strictly real-life problem. The internet is a completely different sphere and the issues are not at all the same.

agree with what riverboat said - RL and an internet forum are quite different arenas and methods of communication
i don't think that is a helpful, constructive comment SGB - why bother?

Well it all adds to the impression of someone who might be a bit of a whinyarse and a bit inclined to expect everyone else to scurry round placating and indulging her, no matter what...

i dont think your being unreasonable, i can understand that it hurts being left on your own during social occasions. it sounds to me like he is being insensitive and if he wants to ask you to these social occasions then could at least involve you and make you feel valued. it might be an idea to arrange a night out just you two like for a meal at a quiet resterant out of town and see if his eyes wonder then.

ps, i dont think you have anything to work on. just to feel appreciated by your husband would be nice.