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Original poster

Does your OH allow you free reign over his mobile phone?

94 replies

MutantPubicCrabs · 08/09/2011 15:13

I leave my mobile here, there and everywhere. If it rings/texts and I'm in the other room I ask OH to have a look and see who it is/what they want etc. I have told OH to take my phone when he couldn't find his own and think nothing of going out and leaving my phone at home (with OH).

OH is total opposite. His phone is always firmly in his pocket. He never leaves it lying around. He even takes it into the bathroom with him. If it rings/texts he runs to it to see who it is. Would NEVER suggest that I pick it up and if I ever look like I might, he panics like mad. He will never let me borrow it and any time where I need to he will be "waiting for an important call" or something meaning I can't borrow it. He never leaves in in the house whilst he goes out either.

The other night he was showing me a video on it that he'd taken, I went to hold it and he reluctantly gave it to me but hovered over me itching to take it back. He was supposed to be making a cup of tea so I deliberately held onto it to see if he would go and make the drink - he hovered over me until it got "uncomfortable" and obvious and then made an excuse ("let me see if I can get the video player looking better") he faced it away from me, faffed with it and then gave me it back and went to make a drink. The paranoid person in me is saying he was deleting something when he was faffing.

This isn't normal is it? how "free" are you to play with you OH's phone?

OP posts:

MrsOzz · 09/09/2011 13:57

Just to add a positive story...

My DH used ot be relaxed about his phone, leaving it on the bedside table when he showers, and on shelf in the hall or the kitchen table etc. But one day he started keeping it on him ALL the time, then I noticed he was typing in a passcode to use it. I thought the worst and so had a nosey one day. Turns out he was having me a beautiful eternity ring made and didn't want me to see the texts and emails between him and the jeweller. I now have the ring and feel bad about not trusting him at the time. I also feel bad it wasn;t a 100% surprise! Not that he will ever know.

Needless to say, the passcode has gone (I knew it all along anyhow he uses his birthday for EVERYTHING!) and the phone is once again a household ornament.

NanaNina · 10/09/2011 00:00

Where have you gone OP - are you regretting posting in the first place or worried because so many posters are saying it is suspicious. I think it's only courtesy to return to the thread after so many posters have replied to you.

JarOfHearts · 10/09/2011 21:34

EXACT behaviour of fuckwit ex, now out of my life 3 years almost to the day. He is hiding stuff on his phone that he doesn't want you to see.

MNers (male and female) who have never been directly cheated on will mostly see his behaviour as merely "suspicious".

MNers (male and female) who have been cheated on will see it for what it is.. he is up to no good.

I'm sorry Mutant. But you need to find that phone and see for yourself

JarOfHearts · 10/09/2011 21:55

In case it helps, my fuckwit ex used to hide his (actually this was his secret phone because when I found out what he'd been up to and gave him another chance - that's shorthand for broke my heart over him and THEN gave him another chance (he resumed fuckwittage with new secret phone approx 2 weeks after showdown) in a variety of places. These he later (before he moved out) admitted to me. They included:

Cupboard under the stairs in a hidden carrier bag

The gap behind the pedestal of the washbasin in the bathroom. (for use when locked in bathroom "having a bath" or "a poo".. he confessed he used to worry that I'd climb up on something tall and catch him with it by peering through the oddly-situated window ABOVE the bathroom door and below the ceiling. I never did.. but I developed super-human hearing and could hear him texting on "the phone that didn't exist" while he was in the bath and I was downstairs on the computer.)

Under a loose floor board near his side of bed. (While he slept) (Check this out Mutant? As an explanation for his phone's absence while he sleeps? He will want it near him while he sleeps and is at his most vulnerable.. bit like neandethal cave men with their clubs beside them)

In the hidey-hole storage flaps that newer cars have (I used to find his stash of new fuckwittage-related webcams hidden in these too.. poor man had to keep investing in new ones to exhibit pictures of his willy to online tarts, because I kept smashing up any I found in the house.. horribly inconvenient and expensive for him...) Heart bleeds

On top of kitchen cupboards in spare bakeware

I'm sure there are other places that I've forgotten.

Needless to say this was the stage where he used to "reassuringly" leave his every day non-secret "only" phone laying casually around to proove to me what a paranoid cow I was!

Walked into bedroom one day having left HIS visiting family downstairs where he'd abandoned then and (my gut knew) and found him laying nonchalantly on our bed with his secret phone in his hand (fortunately nothing in other hand on this occasion...) He jumped up like a cat on a hot tin roof and HID IT BEHIND HIS BACK like a toddler with his hand caught in the cookie jar! A small tussle ensued. He reluctantly produced Secret Phone. Marriage Finally Over.

Laughable now. 3 years on.

Bit disturbed at the detail of it all that I remember though.. and the vitriol that comes through when I type about it! The phone thing was all the tip of the iceberg however.. as someone near the beginning of thread suggested.

KrispyCakeHead · 22/09/2011 10:59

What happened MutantPubicCrabs??

whatsallthehullaballoo · 22/09/2011 12:15

I also think it is very very suspicious. The only time my husband has been very protective over his phone an FB account was when he was flirting with a girl from work.

Please find the phone/ internet history and make sure that he is not playing you for a fool. I fell for you - it was the worst time of my life

Fosterthiele · 07/05/2013 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Ragwort · 07/05/2013 08:44

Sounds very dodgy to me.

I don't mind at all if DH looks at my phone, although he never shows any interest in it - he also leaves his lying around although as I am a complete luddite I don't know how it works .

onefewernow · 07/05/2013 08:49

Been there with H too. It isn't looking good. And also his level of privacy is quite high, isn't it?

I would keep an eye out for where he puts it at night. Awful to snoop, but awful to be so secretive with your own wife.

fishybits · 07/05/2013 08:55

Absolutely. Nothing to hide here.

DaisyFlower123 · 07/05/2013 08:59

Both DH and I often pick up each others mobiles, will send texts from the others mobile and read texts. they are always just haphazardly left around the house and neither have pins codes. Even if they do have any codes both of us have the same passwords and know how to access everything of one another's if we need too. Have to say I have never felt the need to check his phone though! I really find this comforting as ex BF was unbelievably possessive about his and turned out he was having multiple affairs throughout our relationship.

LiquidCosh · 07/05/2013 09:02

Just noticed this thread is from 2011 it looks like the poster who resurrected it is spamming

MadAboutHotChoc · 07/05/2013 09:09

To answer your question, yes I have free reign over his phone now. However a few years ago, he suddenly became protective over his phone and I found out he was having an affair.

The phone is probably passcode protected so you are probably better off digging around on his computer, emails and checking bank/credit card statements.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 07/05/2013 09:14

Oooh wonder what happened

ArtVandelay · 07/05/2013 10:02

I use my DHs phone all the time. I upload stuff and explore his FB all the time. I don't read his messages and emails because I think they would be mostly boring. He does not care. I can't imagine getting bothered about him using mine. I also let my SDCs use my phone because I have nothing to hide. I would say phone posessivenes on this level is dodgy.

ArtVandelay · 07/05/2013 10:03

Oops - didn't read properly...

differentnameforthis · 07/05/2013 10:19

I answer dh's phone, I use it to call/text someone if mine is in another room & can't be bothered to fetch it, or if it is charging. He gets a huge internet allowance (work phone) so I use it to check stuff when out & about (ebay, gumtree etc) as my allowance is a lot lower, so I like to save it.

He doesn't answer mine as he hates phones. The only reason he has one is because it is a work phone.

The only time I have known someone to be so attached to their phone is when they have something to hide.

ladyjadie · 07/05/2013 10:22

ZOMBIE THREAD

How annoying.

bettycocker · 07/05/2013 11:09

I'm very possesive over my phone and tablet, but I'm not cheating on DP. They are just mine and private, I don't let anyone go through them.

I get twitchy, but it's because even though I may be in a relationship, some parts of my life will always be my own. There's nothing worth hiding, but this is the way I am.

DP is the same.

People will cheat regardless. Even if you have access to your spouses phone, there's nothing to stop them buying a secret PAYG.

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