The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sweeping Into Autumn With A One Way Ticket To Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Phew, just in time!

I'm mouse and I love a few to drink. I love all things cheese and I love MrMouse

Welcome to the Bus. We are a collection of drinkers, non-drinkers, and those who are somewhere in between but we all have the same thing in common, we can't just have 1 drink and then stop.

Come say hi, we don't bite .

Here are the other threads to date, if you have a spare hour or seven to kill.

OUR HISTORY

Thanks legal

Mouse you know exactly how to slap me, or get me to slap myself...

I sat in my office till it felt too late to open the bottle. I have a meeting tmrw and a lot of driving. I do not need to feel like DFDS. I worked all night to get on top of work, I will not ruin it now.

ok, pact made. you know I am always here for you (although you will have competition from DD for my attention at 2am ).

healing together is good. what is our first step.

I am leaving the wine. I can move it in the morning when I feel stronger. For now, water, teeth brushed and bed.

Night babes xx

First step? To admit that we both need help to heal. To repair the damage. We both need to find a way to let it out that doesn't involve getting wasted.

My first step is to talk to DH. I have told him the very basics, I have e-mailed him that posts from the abuse thread. I want him to read it on his own, by himself so that he can cry, scream, rant, kick something, you know?

That's my first step. My second is to go and see my GP and ask him what he can do to help in terms of therapy/talk/blah....

Bed here too.

Night night lovely Babes xx

mouse you have emailed him the post? wow, well done you. Now, give him time to absorb it, be angry, be devastated, be appalled (not AT you, but FOR you). Remember dear Mouse, you have lived with this for a long long time. he hasn't. You are oh so familiar with it. he isn't. It is going to hit him like a slap in the face and then some. give him time to take himself off and digest it all.
And then you can move forward together with your wonderful DD and thieving greedy guts snacking Nemo.
I wish you all the best in the world.

Morning lovely ones!

Mouse I hope Nemo's first nursery session is wonderful for both of you. You have a lot on your plate, and are taking such very brave steps. Sending you love.

Venus how are you feeling today?

Msgee well done on backing away, good luck with the meeting.

Indie well done you too, the wine demon didn't come to me last night either, I didn't even think about it. Mind you, I couldn't have fitted anything else in, after the massive dinner I had! diet for me, next!

I have early starts from this term, on the days that I work, so just checking in, and sending good day sunshine! to all.
xxxx

Morning all!
BOING (quietly) and just wanted to say this morning how grateful I am to have all of you here who 'get' me.

Mouse I hope Nemo and you have a great day at nursery and hooray for mousse!! How brilliant to be exploring when you thought he might never do that.

I was a grumpy soul yesterday and seem to have woken up out of it now, though not helped by drinking dreams, they can get lost as well (sometimes I wish I could swear but I just can't!) - I apologised for something, and helped someone else, and it seems to have dissolved.

Those who asked about DD - have her 4 days ish but not overnight yet though that may start to change - and sooner than they said. It's all in the right direction and I am accepting it and choosing to be grateful for it because when I am angry, it's me that I damage, and potentially DD. I get a lot of joy from her, though there are fears and uncertainties still. But thank you all for caring and asking, it means loads to me.

Mouse you really are a brave babe. I hope that you are doing ok and not trying to pre-empt (sp?) everything that happens next. ma and Indie put it much better than I can but he might need a bit of time to get his head around things.

In terms of GP - I can only tell you my recent experience. I was referred to the nhs trust mental health team, had a quick assessment on the phone and then they discussed my options and referred me to specialist services. It might be worth you doing a bit of research first or writing down what you do and don't want for a counsellor. I did this and it helped me narrow down my options (and realise that I wasn't prepared to take something that wasn't right for me).

I am not sure what my step is. I might ring the nhs back and ask about cbt. I am seeing a friend who is a bereavement counsellor today - it will be work so we won't get to chat but she might have some ideas.

Indie glad the demon stayed away last night, suspect it was because it was over here plaguing me. How are DTs?

venus hope you are feeling better.

thurso hope that you have some sunshine yourself (your wishes worked here, lovely sun steaming through the trees)

noteven am so glad that things are doing well with DD and that overnights will happen soon. You sound very wise to let the anger go - it must take a lot of strength to do that.

Gee household is fine. DD slept, just waking once which is nothing short of a miracle. I have to shop for some winter clothes for her, we have very few long sleeve t shirts left that she fits into. She has to wear a certain colour so its a pain to find things that all have that in yet don't clash (she often goes out looking horrific, jesus would be horrified that I am passing on my lack of style to DD).

But mainly things are ok because I didn't drink last night. no hangover, no being cross with DD when being woken to the sound of "mummy, I pooed" (actually for those who have supported the ongoing poo-gate, that made me so happy, that she goes without being harassed to some days now!!). And all because of the lovely babes who reminded me why I am here.

Strong and sunny days to you all xxx

morning all.
been stood up by dear friend who I hoped to meet tonight and having ongoing row with DH via text. Happy days

Actually I am feeling a lot better. I slept so much yesterday during the day and then slept all night as well, and now I don't feel as rough as I did yesterday. Actually that might be because I've had a cup of coffee (couldn't face that yesterday), so the caffeine is making me feel brighter.

Still have sore throat and head though, so I'm tucked up on the sofa again to watch crap telly recover. No point in getting better too quickly, not while dp is being so kind and attentive

Hope nemo has a wonderful and exciting day at nursery.

Morning Babes

Just very quickly, thank you all for the words of kindness and support re the abuse post. He's not read it yet but I think he will whilst we're out this morning. I'm just going to leave it until he brings the subject up.

Nemo is dressed and ready to go!

MsGee - The past NHS teams I have seen left me down spectacularly so I won't be going there and CBT failed too. Will chat to my GP, hope your meeting goes well.

Be back later Babes - you are all so lovely and fantastic.

IsinDe - Do you mean the BB list? Yep, will PM you later xx

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! xxxx

Sorry - venus, how are you sweets? xx

X Posted

Mouse, think Isindie meant list of counsellors ...
Hope everyone is having a good day. Did drink at the weekend, bit too much Saturday night, but forced myself to get up, shower, eat, do some housework and visit my mother, didn't want to lose the day due to drinking the night before if you see what I mean.

hey obrigada how's tricks?

Afternoon lovelies

Well, your little man Nemo had the time of his life this morning. He was followed round by three girls, all pretty of course , asking him if he was okay, showing him round, helping him get the toys he wanted.

Oh, he lapped it up! All smiles and fluttering his eyelashes he was! At snack time he even went over to the food and tried to take some of the food! He played outside and climbed through tunnels, up onto a wooden tractor and for those two hours this morning, looked like any other 2 yr old boy.

Yet another bit of normality to add to his day.

Well, DH has read the e-mail. There was me shitting myself thinking the worst. Nope. He came in and held me and said that I'd already told him most of it when we very first met. He knew about the rapes, the beatings, the fact I was thrown out in my underwear in the middle of winter.

I seriously don't remember telling him about it. He said that we talked for hours when we first met, after we'd fallen deeply in love with one another and I'd opened up to him. Not all in one go, over a series of days and weeks, it all came out.

I am so lucky to have him. He's not cross or upset with me. He knew that I was waiting to be shouted at when I came home earlier. All he has done is hold me close and tell me he loves me.

They broke the mould when they made him, that's for sure.

Thanks for all of your support Babes, now I feel I can move forward with DH by my side. I can open the boxes slowly and let him in. I can let him help me, I can lean on him and not have to hide my shame. He can hold me when I feel raw. I can tell him why I feel unsettled, why I can't sleep.

I know he won't judge me. I know that he won't think me to be damaged goods, broken and soiled.

I am his wife. He chose to spend the rest of his life with me and I him. Which is all I've ever wanted out of relationship. Equality and love.

Hey Ma, all boring and same old same old here today:) how's things with you?

mouse your post made me cry. It was wonderful, just wonderful to read.I am so glad that this has made you feel strong, loved and supported. And Nemo ... what a star, he is likely to be the focus of nursery. Older girls do like 'looking after' the younger ones, so he will have his pick of girls bossing him about helping him.

I have called the nhs and left a message asking them to help me to decide where to go from here. I will complain about the counselling service they sent me to.

Good for you re leaving the message with the NHS. My GP is back next week so I'm going to call in tomorrow and make an appt when I go to the gym. Only a very gentle session as my back really hurts with lifting Nemo.

And thank you for your kind words. What's the plan for later?

I'm planning on having a shandy (Becks Blue and lemonade) with dinner, pizza, and taking it from there. There is no wine in the fridge because I seriously do not like the way it tastes, smells or makes me feel. And red makes me sick.

We have another early morning tomorrow with Stay and Play so I want to be up and out with Nemo and then back to get to the gym.

I really do prefer life sober.

How is everyone else? Any news from our newer Babes?

Good plan. I have Becks Blue in the fridge too and am going to do some work tonight so that I am on top of things and won't be tempted to drink.

Then as a reward I am going to the gym inthe morning .

I have also ordered myself a nice new dress online and am arranging a haircut so that when I start going into client offices I look presentable.

Sounds like a plan MsGee

I know not everyone does but I like the taste of Becks Blue. Especially with a splash of lemonade in and a slice of lime.

Ooooh, a new dress.

Has anyone heard from Jugglingjemima? Or Ruby or Thornrose of late?

How would everyone feel if I posted an MIA list of Brave Babes?

Good afternoon babes,

Mousiemouseface have pm'd you. I'm so glad that Nemo had a happy morning at nursery. There will be lots more of those normal time to come, I'm sure.

I got home from work absolutely tired out, and am on my second cup of filter coffee, so will prabably be banging around the walls shortly, because I don't normally drink it.

I hope you are all having a good day.
Speak later.
xx

Hiya BBs and thanks for support yesterday, hope bruises due to battering from my bag of files recovering legal - thanks for restraining yourself re liquor-ish tea - had not even spotted that one - maybe that is its allure

Last night, I arranged to meet BF at the gym instead of at a pub, and v glad I did, didn't drink, and treated self to whole punnet of raspberries instead of wine, and surprised I was satisfied with that.....

Mouse - what a wonderful response from your DH - I know legal has said what a lovely sane DH she has too. I think it's easy to forget how many great blokes there actually are in the world, all the more so for you Mouse I am sure. If my kids witness something not so pleasant (seeing something in the news, or in person: rude loud aggressive people, usually on public transport - not the Battle Bus of course) - I always urge them to remember how many good people there are in the world. As ever, telling my boys something I need to remember too - particularly as, if I keep my attention on the horridness in the world, this provides an excellent justification another sad reason to drink

I will not be drinking tonight, even though I am cooking soon and turning on the induction hob after a day at work is a sure fire way to conjure up the wine demon especially if two growing boys yelling at each other and me in background. I will remember how bad my head and my heart feels when I have totally intoxicated myself-- drunk.

See you later or in the morning. Thanks guys.