desperate for advice on how to help my sister

[countbartles]

hi all.
My poor poor sister has just been left by her boyfriend of 81/2 years. Understandably, she is devestated as she loves him as much as she ever has and is scared of a future without him in it - they have been together since they were 18 years old.He has said that he needs at least a year to himself to see if he wants a future with her, or alone. This morning she read his mobile and discovered he had been having an affair. She is right now being looked after by my mum who called me to tell me what had happened and i could hear her wailing in agony in the background. I have a cab booked for later to bring her to me but am worried I won't be able to stop my own tears. What an earth can I say to help her? Does anybody have any experience of helping someone through something like this?

Yes, many tmes I'm afraid - it is quite common for the first big relationship to break down.

Only time will help.

There is no shame in you crying as well - of course seeing her hurt will upset you.

I'd suggest getting her some self help books to read when she is feeling low and keep her as busy as humanly possible - she will feel better with time, and she is still young, her life isn't over.

What helped me was weeping and wailing to friends - but then getting some tough love.

Sometimes they'd (understandably) had enough, so forced me to go out, get a haircut, buy some clothes, socialise, etc. At the time I thought they were being heartless but looking back, I really appreciate that they were showing me there is life after love.

I am on the other side of this - as the person left behind. She will feel bereft, angry and so sad that she may not be able to bear the pain. Make sure she gets all the help she can - not simply from family but a doctor if you feel she needs it. Yes, she will need you but don't push her to talk. Let her lead the conversation and she may go over and over things. Be patient. Make sure she eats and ask her if she is sleeping.

If you can get her out of the house, do it...just for a walk....

I am so sorry - you sound like a wonderful sister. I have one of those too and just having her on the other end of the phone and knowing that she cares - that is important. I am sure that it is the same for your sister.

Her boyfriend sounds immature and needs to sort himself out. You must concentrate on her. Keep an eye on her behaviour and it doesn't matter if you cry. You are human. Poor girl. I wish I could hug all the members of The Heartbreak Club - we just seemed to have swelled in numbers during the summer.

If you need to PM to ask me anything, please do. I am a month along the route of being abandoned and I am having better days, but huge lows as well. She will possibly be the same but everyone's journey is different.