Dh admitted to having a crush on a colleague.

[Boobicca]

Would this worry you?

I totally get that it's normal to be attracted to other people and Dh and I are quite open about such things but this is the first time he has admitted to having a crush on someone.

I have noticed that he had been mentioning her name quite often and tonight after he mentioned her again I could see something in his face which made me ask him if he had a crush on her. He looked embarrassed and then admitted that he did. He then got all guilty looking and gave me a kiss.

Is this just normal? Should I be worried? Really confused.

My personal view is that by 'outing' the feeling you instantly give it less importance. Its out there, you can't act on it and its no longer a secret. The excitement and secrecy of an affair is often the most intoxicating element of it.

of course it's not just you HUC

which is why I totally don't mind my DH's massive infatuation with Kelly Brook (detailed upthread) but would go ape if he came home saying he had a "crush" on Polly from Accounts (or similar) and had been spending flirty time with her

the former is not ever going to happen, the latter is perfectly possible if my DH were to feel he was entitled to go there

FR, in some cases I think you are quite correct

let's hope this is one of those scenarios, and not one of those I described above

I don't think the DH in this situation was cruel at all, in that he didn't set out to mention it, but when questioned, didn't tell a lie. He then tried to reassure the OP by saying there's nothing in it and it didn't matter whilst she raised it time and time again. I don't think anyone is to blame, him for confessing on questioning to a minor crush, or the OP for feeling insecure and down about herself and her body after a baby and PND.

And, from my reading of the OP, he didn't say 'crush' either (thereby trivializing this in the eyes of one poster), she used the term, which he then agreed with.

I think he hasn't done anything wrong and I don't see where he is rubbing her nose in it, given that she's (understandably) like a dog with a bone about it.

I agree. most adults fancy other people from time to time. You either admit to it or lie about it. The bloke seems to have been punished for not lying. He will learn to keep quiet in future.

But surely if you fancy someone and you're in a monogamous relationship with someone else, that's the person you'd NEVER let take a splinter out of your finger, or spend time on your own with etc. Because that's not fancying someone, that's choosing to go into emotional affair territory

To me the splinter thing is more bleurgh than anything. Not sexy and intimate at all!

How is it going OP?

I think some people are being over the top about this and jumping to conclusions about this guy.

You can look at this either as a man who intentionally and cruelly told his PND wife that he's got the hots for a woman at work or you can look at it as a man who was put on the spot (quite rightly) by his wife and blabbed as he didn't want to lie to her - and probably thought 'why the hell did I say that?' afterwards.

How the OP's husband treats her on a daily basis and whether he has a history of faithfullness (is that a word?) and commitment is what's relevant.

I would make it very clear what his boundaries should be and that if he acted on this crush in any way - including any one on one pub visits/lunches - it would have incredibly serious consequences and he would risk losing his wife and family. And if there were changes in his pattern ie sudden 'late working' I would be down on him like a ton of very scary bricks.

I would agree with 2rebecca and Hardgoing - the OP was the one who asked him the question and he chose not to lie as she said they are 'open about such things' and have discussed it theoretically, so he must have felt it was ok to admit it when asked directly.

The OP also said "I used to work with a man who made me go weak at the knees but I would never have told Dh." What if he had asked her directly? Would she have lied?

He seems to have been given the opportunity to be comfortable in telling his wife things, and when he does, she gets upset, so he clams up, has to backtrack because he's realised he's upset her?

But then I do sympathise, it's hard being a SAHM when your OH is out socialising with others every day. If you were both out working and you noticed a sheepishness when discussing a colleague and you questioned it, and he admitted, it would be easier to brush off, wouldn't it? But there's an imbalance - he is able to have conversations with adults all day, as a SAHM, you don't, and maybe he doesn't realise there is this gulf - he comes back to you every day and you're still the same person you always were, and responded in the only way he could to your question - by being honest. There's not really any way to say it differently. You clearly know each other well. He knows you know he fancies this woman. If he lied about it, that would have been worse. IMHO. :)

OP I think now is the time to drop it really, if your dh has been honest in admitting it in the first place, and has said there's nothing more to it. Personally, I think crushes on RL people should be kept in the imagination only. I have them on people all the time and even fantasise about those people while shagging hubby... ok maybe that's not for others but it spices up my sex life no end tbh.. not that I'd be telling dh that

If I were you, I'd focus on other aspects of the problem, like the fact that you feel 'fat and frumpy'. Maybe you don't mean this to come across, but it's like you're sort of laying some of the blame at your dh's door that you feel fat and frumpy. How about owning that one yourself, cos in fairness to him he can't be held accountable for all your insecurities. Could you take an hour out every evening with a mate to go for a walk or something? This will improve your feelings towards yourself and will take the focus away from trying to second guess your dh. We can't control anyone else's thoughts so best to focus on feeling good about ourselves really innit..