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Original poster

Dh admitted to having a crush on a colleague.

86 replies

Boobicca · 31/08/2011 20:43

Would this worry you?

I totally get that it's normal to be attracted to other people and Dh and I are quite open about such things but this is the first time he has admitted to having a crush on someone.

I have noticed that he had been mentioning her name quite often and tonight after he mentioned her again I could see something in his face which made me ask him if he had a crush on her. He looked embarrassed and then admitted that he did. He then got all guilty looking and gave me a kiss.

Is this just normal? Should I be worried? Really confused.

OP posts:
nokissymum · 31/08/2011 21:19

Op asked her dh if he had a crush on this girl and he was honest, by admitting his feelings at least he is allowing himself to be accountable ? And now knows that op knows, so will help nip anything in the bud if ever there was going to be because "eyes" are now on him. Yes he could have lied and kept it a secret but there is more danger in that, nothing quite like a secret work affair.

Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 21:20

Thinking about it the thing that is weird is that he told me! I used to work with a man who made me go weak at the knees but I would never have told Dh.

Plus he has been talking about her loads. Isn't that what you do when you really like someone??

OP posts:
Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 21:22

Nokkisy, that does make sense.

My head is all over, dont know what to think.

OP posts:
coccyx · 31/08/2011 21:22

Don't agreenokissymum. He could have told a white lie. he should be sensitive to how telling her this will make her feel. she says she is dealing with PND as it is so self esteem not at its highest.

stayforthekids1 · 31/08/2011 21:23

Mentionitus. Its not weird he told you. You asked because of how he acted. He obviously realised you must be cottoning on and told you. Would you have rather he lied to your question. Its a crush....it will pass. It happens to us all, married or not. Dont read too much into it.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 21:23

mentionitis

I think talking in a general way about possibly finding others attractive is not particularly "open" just normal

Being quite specific in this way, however, would make my hackles rise, for sure

maleview70 · 31/08/2011 21:23

I would be a bit concerned as if the crush is mutual then it can easily become more than a crush.

I have worked with women all my life and had crushes on two. I wouldnt just call it a crush though... I fancied them both rotten

ChippingIn · 31/08/2011 21:25

I'm sorry, but you don't tell your wife who has had 3 babies, has PND and is feeling unattractive that you have a crush on a woman you work with, in the name of honesty.

You get a fucking grip and don't allow a 'crush' to develop.

OP - I would thank him for his honesty, then remind him exactly what would happen if he acted on it. Calmly make yourself Very Well Understood.

said · 31/08/2011 21:26

Senior - I agree with that. But I just don't think you need to tell each other. Why would you?

knitknack · 31/08/2011 21:27

I think you need to talk about this together. It's clearly not making you happy (and I have to say I would be beside myself) plus you're in a very vulnerable place at the moment, have just had a baby etc. I think your DH needs to be honest with himself too, so that he doesn't just stray down a path that he can't return from.

This is making you SAD, that's enough, that's all he needs to know, to know that he needs to address this (imo!)

pinkytheshrinky · 31/08/2011 21:32

I have to agree with Chippingin that whilst on a level I commend his honesty, it is pretty thoughtless and smacks of just unloading something without thinking of the consequences - bully for him that he has been honest and got it off his chest and now you can sit at home and worry... Ouch!

Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 21:35

He must have it bad if I managed to pick up on it.

Is it weird that she got a splinter out of his finger for him? It seems a bit too close to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 21:37

My eldest dc is still up but once she has gone to bed at 10 I'm going to make my feelings very clear. Feeling quite cross now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 21:37

Not weird in itself, IMO

What may be weird is how much importance he places on such a mundane situation

OnlyMe1971 · 31/08/2011 21:44

I too agree he should not have told you. Am a SAHM of 3 small children too and think I would have a melt down if DH said something like that to me, even if I asked him! I would feel really hurt. Removing a splinter for him is something I would consider to be too intimate in those circumstances.
It reminds me of the time a "friend" of mine wanted to taste some of my DH's dinner and he tried to hand her the fork but she opened her mouth and wanted him to feed her instead!!! He dropped the food on the table in shock : )

PhilipJFry · 31/08/2011 21:44

Talking is good. Just try not to get so angry that you find it hard to express all of what you're feeling. Deep breaths and take it slow.

noir · 31/08/2011 21:47

In my relationship my DP has admitted to 2 crushes, one was on a lonely polish woman we both worked with, she was sweet and shy (two things im not!). To be honest i think it was more that he felt sorry for her and was protective of her, he tends to bring these people home to me like stray cats so we took her under our wing and integrated her into our circle of friends for a short while before we moved away.

The second was a very talented female dj who we both admired from afar in various clubs. He joked he was going to marry her and i joked i was going to marry her male counterpart.. it turns out the male counterpart is amazingly humble and lovely and gorgeous but the female turned out to be rude and cocky. He now jokes that he wants to marry the male too!

I think the above is sweet and healthy.. but then I wasn't suffering PND and feeling unattractive. I think its really heartless of your DH to admit this under the circumstances.

Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 21:48

Thanks all, dd just off to bed now so going to gave that chat.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 31/08/2011 21:51

I had a crush on a colleague and told DH because like you he guessed. I would NEVER have acted on it...but because he asked, I couldn't lie. I just told the truth.

We share fantasies and it was just a bit like that really...he knew I wouldn't be capable of it. If he had a crush (nd I bet he has had a few) and I asked specifically, he would also tell the truth.

Dont worry. He's honest and that's good.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2011 21:51

Good luck, boob

Aislingorla · 31/08/2011 21:51

Good luck.

ASByatt · 31/08/2011 21:54

Yes, good luck.

thesunshinesbrightly · 31/08/2011 22:36

good luck.

I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing he told you. I would be fuming and would consider telling him to go and have her. I have zero tolerance and i like my men devoted to me or not at all..unrealistic i know ignorance is bliss.

2rebecca · 31/08/2011 22:43

My bloke occasionally gets crushes on young women at his work. It's never bothered me because he tells me about them, is open about the fact that many of the blokes fancy them (it's a very male dominated environment) and the women enjoy the attention but largely ignore the blokes and are usually attached.
If he started suddenly having lots of late nights or conferences I'd be concerned.
I tell him about blokes I fancy in my sporting activities, he has started showing more interest in my sport and joining me more...Wink

Original poster
Boobicca · 31/08/2011 22:54

I'm getting nowhere as he's been really defensive.

Was really thinking about it though and I know Dh, he will flirt with anyone male or female. Flirt is like his default setting so there us no way he hasn't been flirting with her.

Also I suspect she flirts with him too. She got hold of his hand and worked a splinter out with her nail. What woman does that to a male work colleague unless they fancy them and are having a flirt??

I told Dh that he can't admit to having a crush on someone and then turn round and get all pissed because I've asked him a few questions.

I'm his wife ffs, I deserve to know what is going on.

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