Should I treat DP like a child?HELP NEEDED!!!

[Clarabumps]

looking for opinions with regard to DP.
I am a SAHM and DP works full time( long hours, 6 days a week) and we are renovating a house so DP spends most of his free time doing things to that.
I struggle with keeping on top of the washing(who doesn't) and the majority of the time everything is clean and put away however DP seems to find it impossible to find pants, socks etc and always makes a big deal out of it.
He asked me yesterday to make sure I had washed him clean work trousers( he's a joiner so everything gets pretty dusty) I did so but I forgot to put them on the radiator. So at 7am this morning I was woken up with "did you wash me some trousers?" I explained the situation and an immense huff ensued. This has happened a few times in the past few months and I was pretty sick of him informing me that he has no clean trousers when there's no chance I can fix the problem.
Anyways, I told him I was "fucking sick of this" and stormed off. I don't know if I'm over-reacting. I do everything else..wash,clean, iron, cook a nice dinner from scratch every night as well as look after the kids all day everyday with little support from him.
Do I insist on making him make sure he has clean clothes for himself or do I just lay his bloody clothes out for him like a child and avoid him banging drawers in the morning.

I wouldn't mind if he told me when I have time to actually sort it..i.e the night before.
He ends up leaving in the morning with me in a stinking mood that lasts the whole day!!GRRRR! WWYD??

gnome does your DH know better than me then ?

or does he just have a different viewpoint ?

AF I type too slowly, each to his/her own I guess.

If you have agreed a fair distribution of tasks between you, and there is an expectation that they will be carried out as agreed, then you are in the wrong. For example, if DH and I agree that I always get the breakfast, then it is unfair for me to forget or refuse to do it, resulting in DH going to work hungry. However, I would also be pretty pissed off if DH, who always brings me a cup of tea when he comes to bed, forgot or couldn't be bothered.

HOWEVER, there is no excuse for being rude and mean to the person you love. Your DH needs to chill out, and if you are the person who has taken responsbility for washing, then you need to organise yourself and get it done. If you feel that in general you work harder than your DH, then you need to have a chat and agree a fairer distribution.

DYSWSD...jealous are you ? You wanting a bit of grease ?

don't worry sue, DYSWSD appears to have a bit of a problem with me for some reason

perhaps I answered him back once, who knows (or cares ...)

didyou - why have you assumed the OP is sitting watching Jeremy Kyle and the Wright Stuff? Why haven't you assumed she is looking after children, or doing other tasks?

Why do these men always end up on the Relationships topic?

tell him if he wants you to act like his mother - you will

but on the other hand you would much rather act like his girlfriend

then tell him it is up to him which role he would like you to take on but he can't have both.

it isn't the washing it is the way he is treating you that is the concern

gnome I dunno why you keep talking about money

this isn't about money, unless you think the person who brings in more money has more say in the household, of course

I agree with everybody

Since H is working for money and working for free on your house, it sounds like he's putting in as much effort as you. It's part of your 'job' to manage the laundry.

But he's BU to throw his little strops if your work is not to his liking. All workers perform better when their work is respected. How long would he keep on doing the DIY if you went round pulling down his work and making a scene if it wasn't exactly as you expected?

So. I think you need a mutually respectful chat about socks and things. He needs some spare work trousers. You should put his clean undies away in the right place. The aim is to arrive at a position where he can find his own clothes in the morning, and you feel like he's appreciating what you do for his family :)

Any further strops after that, tell him to take care of his own stuff - and mean it. I may have been a doormat, but I never took no shit over laundry!

sue...because they have never had one ?

Think you could be right there

OOoo, I'm all shiny and slippery

Its not about money, its about available time and equipment to get the task done. If your DH is twiddling his thumbs whilst you rush around bowing to his every need then it is unfair and you need to do something to make it more equitable. However, if your DH is working 7 days a week from early morning til late at night, and literally hasn't the time to do these tasks, then it is not unreasonable for you to wash and dry his clothes.

Without knowing your specific situation (e.g. are your DCs babies or school age?) it is impossible to say who is at fault. BUT, regardless, your DH needs to give you some respect and not treat you like a skivvy.

DYSWSD, I distinctly remember being right up Sue's arse once on a thread.

It's called appreciating someone's viewpoint, and that they are someone you have something in common with.

You should try it sometime. You may find your life changes for the better.

TOTALLY agree TSC - especially the 7am wake up - PMSL!

AF the point I was trying to make was the opposite of the one you have taken.

gnome you are the one who keeps talking about money, and who earned what < shrug >

It's not a big deal to forget once or twice so he shouldn't get in a huff. However, it probably makes more sense for you to do all the laundry - can't see any sense in separating his - so you just need a better routine/communication to avoid annoying slip ups.

I agree with Gnome- a tumble dryer is the obvious solution.

Mutual Greasing, innit.

The trick is to find someone who agrees with you or who you agree with. I can see how that could be tricky for DYSWSD. Matthew Wright?

errr..... no but I give up

Colonel Gaddafi ?

he is in need of some new mates, right now

< offers gnome a hob nob in an agree-to-disagree conciliatory fashion >

oooh thank you, havent had a hobnob in many a year, do they still do the ones with plain chocolate on?

Now get back to your ironing.