Just found out my friend 'with benefits' is actually married with an 8 week old

[Lovingsinglelife]

I feel like shit. Have had this 'friend' for 5 years or so, he is gorgeous and always available when I feel in need of a shag, obviously been very intermitent over the years, between relationships for me. I met him on a night out and thought he was just a womaniser with a lot of women on the go, but he came over tonight and after we had slept with each other he told me this news, he says there isnt anyone else and he has turned over a new leaf but still wants me due to our 'history', he hadnt told me because he thought I would 'gouge his eyes out'. I told him obviously it was over, we would never see each other again. I just feel so bad for his poor wife, he had come and met me and my friends the weekend she gave birth. What is wrong with these men. Just upset really, the OW woman doesn''t always know.

I'm with you AF[GRIN]

can't even get that right....

Evening, desiderata - why on earth does that follow, I am not snagging around, and the one person I have slept with I had no idea because I hadn't seen him for a coulple of years as I was in a relationship. My name is as the result of a name change when I started posting here I was near the end of an awful abusive relationship and the name change is due to being bloody grateful not to be where I was 6 months ago. Have no idea why you concluded I am snagging around, just because I am single for all the right reasons doesn't mean I don't occasionally miss sex!
Back to original point, I am not going to seek revenge, there is no point in devastating the poor women when I will play no more part in potentially hurting her. he has texted me tonight asking me to reconsider, I have ignored it. I have had a really shit week, for other reasons and quite frankly the way I am feeling right now I just don't want to keave the house. Thanks to those who have posted constructively, interesting to hear the different viewpoints.

Shagging even, bloody iPad!

Umm shes not taking it though is she? Shes cut him out of her life??

I'm not even sure I'm familiar with the expression 'snagging around.'

I wasn't putting anything on you, girl. I was merely suggesting that a fly-by-night guy is usually that for a reason.

And I do agree that the other women doesn't always know.

And I am not rolling over, I just don't want to be part of any drama, I am looking after myself, maybe selfish but so be it, don't want to get further immersed in the car crash. I am a tough cookie, believe me

reconsider ??

blimey, he really is a self-entitled prick isn't he ?

I dunno what else you have going on, but I did not actually advocate telling the "wife" if there is one (I wish people would actually read my posts properly < sigh > )

look after yourself, OP

Des - I did clarify the predictive text error!

cross posted, OP

"very intermittent", "always available when I felt in need of shag"

Whilst I do agree that quite possible he is talking crap, given these comments I don't think it is a definite as seems the OP was in charge.

"anyone who rolls over after that kind of treatment needs an injection of self esteem"
Sounds like it's been lifted from a copy of cosmo.

OP, hope you're ok. Rise above it, don't waste your energies on proving something by doing something daft like sowing the STD seed.

I do think that in six months or so (when the wife, if she does exist, is more prepared to handle shitty news. As what on earth is a mother of an 8 week going to do with the information now if she does not have a support network) I think you should write short and gentle letter to her. But if you don't think appropriate, then forget about.

Important thing is not to waste your energy on a vindictive but ultimately a bit flat and pathetic revenge plan

ineedabodytransplant cheers

AF, wasn't suggesting that you were, sorry if not clear, just that I need to keep my head straight and focused and don't want to engage with him at all for any reason, better for me that way.

I have never read cosmo

is that cosmo smallpiece you mean ?

is he a published author ?

OP, peeps are addressing others on the thread < holds hands up guilty as charged >

I just wanted to be clear with you IYSWIM

you do what you want to do, seriously

my chat is an extension to your situation, as it always is

am not saying anyone has to take my advice (I never do)

Thank you ladies, I had told the man who I am good friends with and have been secretly hung up on for many years this week that I liked him, he did not feel the same way, I am pretty gutted about that but instead of dealing with how I felt, ignored it and used sex to make myself feel better, not a particularly healthy thing to do and need to sort that out way more than I need to worry about someone I really couldn't give a toss about. I think the reason he told me was because I pressed him as I felt something had changed and couldn't understand what.

What a dick. Sorry OP. :(
I would walk away too. I think it is the best decision.

cosmo smallpiece is on YouTube

vair funny

Take some comfort from this, LSL.

When you get to be 46, you couldn't give a fuck either way.

Desiderata, actually lots of people are single and into casual sexual relationships without being liars. But if someone finds out that their 'casual fling' has commitments elsewhere that s/he has neglected to mention or indeed actively lied about, this is no reflection on the person being lied to.
Actually, if more people had more casual sex instead of this desperate rush to commitment, they might generally be a lot happier and make fewer mistakes WRT finding partners and playmates.

I agree - just walk away and try not to let your experience with him affect future relationships.

Chances are his wife has an inkling what he is like, not that that's much comfort.

SGB, absolutely agree and I have no issue with casual sex, for me I just need to watch myself that it's for the right reasons and not because I am feeling shitty and just need an ego boost. I have no interest in having casual sex with other people's partners though, there are of course plenty of single people about, unfortunately I do seem to get hit on by married ones an awful lot, this is not the first time I have been lied to.

Is your twat radar ok ?

that is the first time I have said that on this thread

< looks at sgb >

My twat radar is being worked on, but is actually pretty good, Mr last night, I knew he was a twat but didn't care as he is really attractive, turns up when I need and really makes an effort in bed, however, I didn't realise how much of a twat, but I always knew enough to not bother getting too involved with him. The other was a few years ago and I was far more naive.