Just found out my friend 'with benefits' is actually married with an 8 week old

[Lovingsinglelife]

I feel like shit. Have had this 'friend' for 5 years or so, he is gorgeous and always available when I feel in need of a shag, obviously been very intermitent over the years, between relationships for me. I met him on a night out and thought he was just a womaniser with a lot of women on the go, but he came over tonight and after we had slept with each other he told me this news, he says there isnt anyone else and he has turned over a new leaf but still wants me due to our 'history', he hadnt told me because he thought I would 'gouge his eyes out'. I told him obviously it was over, we would never see each other again. I just feel so bad for his poor wife, he had come and met me and my friends the weekend she gave birth. What is wrong with these men. Just upset really, the OW woman doesn''t always know.

I know that we should not generalise but some police have a reputation for womanising (probably the uniform)! My friend caught crabs from a copper which she passed on to her husband. When she told the policeman, he said it could have been transmitted from one of three women.

Another friend had pubic lice so she knew that boyfriend had cheated. She rang local surgery as was so embarrassed (and felt dirty) about attending personally. She asked the receptionist if she could speak to the nurse and, when through, then explained that she wanted a prescription for the lotion for the crabs. Nurse asked, "Is that Mr. or Mrs. Crabbes?" to which my friend replied, "Are you joking? I've got a whole effin' family of 'em!)

True story. Won't help OP

Crap yourself, sgb. If you are you are implying I blame OP, you didn't read my posts properly.

You also didn't see where I suggested one alternative scenario as to why he lied.

My posts on this thread are nothing to do with punishing him for his non-monogamy. They are to do with him lying to OP and making her an unwitting bit-player in whatever crap drama he is indulging in (whether that is simply shagging loads of women and lying, the bit I object to, to them or as the duped OW)

either way, the bloke is a liar, and I don't accept nor forgive that

some people may do

OP if i was you i would just walk away too.

What would you get out of hurting the man? Nothing. You can not control what other people do but you can be angry that he didn't tell you before.

In the future i would make sure i check out my fuckbuddies more carefully and make sure the ground rules are known and understood.

Its not your fault, you made no vow to the wife.

It still dosen't stop you feeling like crap tho.

Take some time out to regroup yourself and i hope you find a nice man in the future.

AF: the tone of your posts suggests that the OP has been foolish and needs to redeem herself by seeking revenge (which is a terrible idea), also that it's a Bad Thing to have casual sexual relationships without doing detailed background checks on partners. This is crap.

I'd just block this man entirely from my life. He's a sleazy loser. I dumped my boyfriend when he came round and I busted him. He tried to ring, I just rejected the call until he got the message I wasn't available anymore.

You misread the "tone" sgb

OP didn't appear to < shrug >

I would just walk away too. Whether the wife is real or an excuse, either way it doesn't sound like he's worth wasting one more moment of your time or energy. I understand the view of not letting him get away with it, but you need to think about what the best course of action is for you, and if I was in your shoes, that would mean just disengaging.

Just tell him to f-off out your life and never contact you again!! With friends with benefits like him you don't need enemies!!

Right, DS in bed, dinner on and glass of wine in hand. I read your thread a couple of hours ago and I have thought about your situation on and off since, just been collecting my thoughts before posting.

My view is FORGET ABOUT GETTING HIM BACK. The 'sowing the STD seed' suggestion? Nah, on a scale of 1-10 on revenge tactics that scores a measley 2 in my opinion. He has known you for years, you have discussed testing etc.... unlikely he will believe you, if he does he won't be that worried and if he does get tested it will all come back clear. Not worth your time or energy.

Complete unequivocal bast*rd, No doubt about that, but sorry to say - the OW (I know you didn't know) does not have much ammunition when it comes to revenge against the man in question.

I feel intensely sorry for the wife. Whilst he is having a ball, the reality of life with an 8 week old is that she is probably highly emotional, tired, vulnerable and focussed on her new baby. Makes me so angry! Anyway, pls do not tell her the truth at the current time. She has an 8 week old baby... what on earth can she do with the information you give her? Leave him? What happens if she doesn't have close family / friends / funds etc? She will be dealing with this horrible information at the same time as looking after her 8 week old PFB. HOWEVER, SHE DOES HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. So, my strong advise is to wait 6 months. She should be a lot more sorted and able to cope with the devastating news that her hubby is a grade a arsehole. Then, write her a letter. Keep it kind and brief. Do not give her your contact details, you do not want to be dragged into the mess that is their marriage. Just give her the information and allow her to do as she pleases with it.

Good luck x

This man is a complete w***!

BUT .. I would suggest you don't undertake any form revenge or retribution.

Any person who can lie and be as cold as this man will probably be able to make your life very difficult if he's antagonised.

You don't need or deserve this problem. Forget him, his wife and his baby and move on.

Revenge is a poison you take yourself in the hope of making someone else feel ill.

Some of you are talkng like this man is some kind of deity who we should all be scared of

he's just a lying twat, like any other lying twat

he doesn't have special powers of untouchability

so he's a police officer

and ?....

Sometimes the smallest revenge is what keeps the ole self-esteem afloat

even better served cold, of course

In a situation such as this [FWB] you owe each other nothing.

Any sort of revenge is just silly game playing, if you were to do/say anything particularly so his wife could find out you would just be painted as 'mad' etc etc anyway.

Draw a line under it and move on and be happy that is the best revenge if you really need one.

Not if it falls as flat as a pancake. Then it is just plain

I am in the minority, obvs

it don't matter

each to their own

I didn't say his wife should find out, btw

There are more subtle/clever ways of making someone shit their pants

if there is a wife

Ugh! Ok well STD clinic for you just to be sure and delete him from your phone, block him on facebook etc etc. I wouldn't look at revenge - why give him any of your energy. Git.

He is for sure a drama queen

wonder why he told you?

I'm just looking at your monika, here.

If you love the single life, then you have to assume that most of the men you shag are married, or in a relationship.

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to emote from your OP.

Dooh, might be one of them.

to get rid of her, of course

why else ?

< anyone who rolls over after that kind of treatment needs an injection of self esteem, btw >

sorry, OP

where are you, btw ?

Ooh like the name Desiderata; I have a copy of that pinned to my fridge

the single life shagging...absolutely fine by me

if nobody takes the piss out of each other

this bloke is taking the piss in spectacular stylee

rolling over and taking this kind of game-playing/being lied to because he is a a police officer

not fine

Desiderata.............. what?! You do know that single men exist too right?