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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I will never know if my mother dies.

12 replies

TheOriginalFAB · 17/08/2011 15:36

Some of you will know I have no contact with my mother and haven't lived with her since I was in nappies.

This is more a factual post I guess in that I will need to know when she has died as this will mean I know my children are safe from her threats and I can let the school know they can relax the high levels of vigilance. Is there any notification I can register for?

OP posts:
HopeEternal · 17/08/2011 15:54

FAB, all I can suggest is that you check the General Register Office indexes. Here is a link to their site. It tells you where physical records are held and also gives links to other sites through which you can search their records on-line.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Registeringlifeevents/Familyhistoryandresearch/DG_175464

Original poster
TheOriginalFAB · 17/08/2011 16:53

Thank you, I will take a look later when the kids aren't around though tbh I am sure she is still alive atm as she is on facebook.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 17/08/2011 20:29

can you subscribe to the paper that is local to her and read the obits every week?

LisasCat · 17/08/2011 23:48

When I was tracking my father, waiting for the inevitable news that the alcohol had finally done its worst, I would call his GP every year. Obviously he wouldn't discuss my dad's health, but would confirm when my father had last visited the surgery, and whether he'd recently been admitted to hospital. When he died earlier this year, I was contacted by the housing association, but the police had also tried to locate me, as had the friend who found my dad. So perhpas there are people/organisations who would automaticallly try to notify you of your mum's death.

Original poster
TheOriginalFAB · 18/08/2011 08:46

She is only about 60 so it isn't expected to me iminent but I am really not sure who would tell me. She has my inlaws address so maybe has asked a friend to write to me via them to tell me. I am an evil person but the sooner she dies the better as then I know my children are safe.

OP posts:
zipzap · 18/08/2011 09:06

If you know she is on Facebook why not do an annual check on there to see if you can find her. First time around note down the names of some of her fb friends, especially if they are names you recognise. Or take a screen shot so you can recognise them again later.

Then when she disappears either there will be something on her fb page. If not you can then start searching in local newspapers, her fb friends etc. But at least you will then know you don't have to do anything else or pay out to anything else in the mean time.

Also local paper obituaries and death notices seem to be online so you wouldn't need to buy them just for that.

Choose one day in the year when you know you will do this - her birthday, Halloween, something memorable for you and then you avoid having to think of her for the rest of the year.

Original poster
TheOriginalFAB · 18/08/2011 09:07

I can't see her wall though so not sure how I can find anything out though I can see her friends list. I am not very computer savvy.

OP posts:
zipzap · 18/08/2011 09:10

Oh and meant to say don't think about calling yourself evil; in the circumstances it is a rational, sensible, understandable, natural and proper response.

I don't think you owe her any loyalty; your first priorities are caring for you and your family - and this is a way of doing that.

Original poster
TheOriginalFAB · 18/08/2011 09:19

If I look through her friends to see if their walls are visable will I be able to see anything she has posted to them?

OP posts:
zipzap · 18/08/2011 09:23

Ok so you can't see her wall but if you can see her friends then you could click on each of them and see if you can see ant of their walls; you might be able to see the wall for at least one of them. And depending on their settings you might be able to read a post of hers or get some info that would be relevant.

Bookmark each of her friend's fb home page and keep a separate paper list along with any info you can see that would help identify them and distinguish them from all the other Jane Smiths out there. Bit stalkerish but not like you are doing it to stalk iyswim!

Then if you can no longer see her name you could then start to search the online obits (just google her name and obituary or death notice) which will either bring back info or won't in which case maybe she is long term ill or something with no pc access anymore So you can decide what to do then.

zipzap · 18/08/2011 09:24

Oops x posted but hopefully have answered your question.

Original poster
TheOriginalFAB · 18/08/2011 13:49

I will take a look but she has 200+ friends.

I am curious if her partner is still alive.

OP posts:
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