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Original poster

How do I dump her?

88 replies

oleblueeyes · 16/08/2011 10:07

I want to end something which is not quite a relationship yet, but which has gotten physical. The woman is a nice person and I feel bad about it.
We have only been out 5 or 6 times but I don't feel about her how I think she may feel about me.
I don't think I want to do this by text, or by disappearing.
Would a phone call be acceptable?

OP posts:
HPonEverything · 16/08/2011 14:02

just don't do like an 'acquaintance' of mine did - he asked exactly the same question (not on here, mind), received loads of great advice, but did precisely nothing due to being a coward. 18 months on he's still wondering how to "dump" her and has ended up moving in with her...

ameliagrey · 16/08/2011 14:08

I think it's horrible to be dumped by phone.

Just how do you begin THAT kind of conversation on the phone?

I would rather someone asked me to meet for a coffee, and told me beforehand that there was "something they wanted to talk about". This sets the scene and most women with an ounce of sense realise it's not going to be something they want to hear.

carminagoesprimal · 16/08/2011 14:08

Hey ol'blue eyes - just show her this thread - she'll run for the hills.
If she really exists that is - lol

Malificence · 16/08/2011 14:13

oleblueeyes - what a little charmer Hmm

Men like him make me wonder why I always stand up for men on MN.

carminagoesprimal · 16/08/2011 14:13

On the general subject of being let down gently - I wouldn't want to be told face to face - I'd much prefer a heartbreaking letter - I could clutch it to my chest and cry dramatically - yes, a letter is good.

HPonEverything · 16/08/2011 14:24

You could always meet her and be really obnoxious so she dumps you first?

Or say there is something wrong with you (a bit missing from your brain, maybe) that means you can't commit, and she is far too lovely to deserve being messed around by you.

Or do the thing that I used to do, which is twist it round so it seems like they're dumping you, rather than the other way round. That's a bit of a skill though, I'm not sure it can be taught.

solidgoldbrass · 16/08/2011 14:33

I really don't get this idea that people are obliged to continue in couple relationships that they don't want to continue, just so as not to upset the other person. No one is OWED a relationship even if sex has taken place. 5 or 6 dates is about the number after which it's reasonable to reassess whether you want any more, and if not, it's fine to phone the person up and say look, sorry, you're very nice but this isn't going anywhere for me, best of luck.

ChizChizChiz · 16/08/2011 14:37

SGB, I don't think anyone's suggesting he should stay with her.

akaemmafrost · 16/08/2011 14:37

Far rather be dumped by text or email etc at this early stage. I wouldn't think someone who did was a pig I would thank goodness I didn't get all dressed up to be dumped. Send a text.

carminagoesprimal · 16/08/2011 14:39

Completely agree SGB - it's when it's gone on a lot longer than that and you know the person really likes you ( or even loves you ) then it's hard because you get all the ' but you said you loved me ' - it's hard.

akaemmafrost · 16/08/2011 14:43

Oh god just realised who the op is. I hate it when you post on some attention seeking twerps thread and only realise afterwards!

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 14:45

sgb, I am hoping fervently he will "set her freeeeeeee"

no way is anyone saying she should be saddled with him

Bandwithering · 16/08/2011 14:56

If you sense that she wouldn't have "gotten physical" if she'd known that it was going nowhere and that you always knew that then any awkwardness you feel is deserved.

Malificence · 16/08/2011 15:01

I know akaemma - makes you want to bang your head against a brick wall when you realise it's a troll.
How does he have time for 9 women, what with the bedwetting 17 year old and all? Wink

BBQFrenzy · 16/08/2011 15:44

I was 'dumped' once by someone who obviously thought I was very much into them (similar time frame 5 or 6 dates) and I had to explain to him that it was ok, I didn't think we were in a relationship but it was nice that he'd met with me to explain but we'd never had any exclusive chat so I was still dating a few people and he went from sweet and conciliatory to angry and outraged in 0-60! To the extent that he wanted to know who they were and how they were better than him....I ran off down Dean Street leaving him shouting "They can't be better than meeeeeeee" into the wind. So for that I was grateful he hadn't come round to my house to tell me and it was in a public place.

BBQFrenzy · 16/08/2011 15:45

Sorry moral of that story OlBlueEyes is don't assume she's that into you and if you haven't had any exclusive chat, while it's nice to be gentle and considerate, you might be surprised that she's just not that bothered.

Malificence · 16/08/2011 15:48

BBQ, don't waste your time, IT lives under a bridge. Wink

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 15:48

oh yes indeedy

she probably has nine other shags on the go, and they are all considerably beterr than yoowwwww

carminagoesprimal · 16/08/2011 15:52

I assumed the op was a man - he's named himself after Sinatra - would a woman do that?

garlicbutter · 16/08/2011 15:52

what with the bedwetting 17 year old and all - Huh? Confused
I think we should be told, Mal!

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 16:07

gb, a simple search will reveal all

garlicbutter · 16/08/2011 16:21

Ah! Grin

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/08/2011 16:29

Am I the only one that thinks OP is gradually getting better? The 9 women on the go thread must have been an eye opener. At least he feels some remorse over shagging keen woman without due care for her emotions. this time

Oh, and there is no good way to get dumped. Just do it soon and don't say "It's not you, it's me" or "I'm not ready for a relationship with you", etc.

Just say "Sorry, it's not working out, you are lovely" or words to that effect. Anything else is liable to end badly.

FabbyChic · 16/08/2011 21:16

YOu have not known her long enough to have to do it to her face, 5/6 times does not warrant having to face someone and tell them you don't see the relationship going anywhere.

Do it by phone. She will be mortified if you meet her for a drink and dump her.

Why waste her time in her getting ready to see you, getting excited only to be dumped. That's evil and those who have suggested it are callous arses.

WibblyBibble · 16/08/2011 22:32

I don't see why you'd have a problem with doing it by disappearing; most women would consider that to be a huge favour you'd done them.

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