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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just found out

21 replies

itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:31

my dh holds my son down forcibly to get him asleep and sees nothing wrong with it (when he doesnt want to sleep that is and wants to wriggle out of the bed) im so fucking angry right now. the man is a complete dickhead with such victorian parenting styles. i want to get away as far as possibe from this stupid stupid man. have you ever heard of such utter stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:32

btw he is not even 2

OP posts:
bananapirate · 15/08/2011 21:33

What?

GypsyMoth · 15/08/2011 21:33

what else does he do? thats abuse

michglas · 15/08/2011 21:35

It's not stupidity, it's abuse - get your son away from this man immediately.

Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:40

he doesnt do anything else, that im aware of but im furious, he wont be getting him to sleep anymore. its shocking to him that children have tantrums hes the most ignorant man when it comes to kids, yes i picked a beaut

hes also african which probably explains everything

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 15/08/2011 21:41

eh? why does being africvan explain everything?

Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:45

because generally speaking they are very strict with their kids in a very authoritative way. that is why he is the way he is, i just didnt know it before i married him. i woud have run a mile had i known.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/08/2011 21:48

not acceptable

what are you going to do about it ?

Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:48

but tonight i learn he holds him down when he doesnt want to sleep, ive heard him crying in the next room before and now i know why. so tonight i take him to another room to sleep next to me and guess what the boy just falls asleep, no drama ... what an absolute farce ... im furious with myself for getting into this mess. oh and if we are not tough on him he may go out and riot when hes older ... yes indeed ... are you getting the level of ignorance here? my son is a really sweet boy

OP posts:
Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 21:49

im planning my exit, ive had enough, will speak to his parents when the opportunity comes up over next couple of weeks. we are literally poles apart and i know he wont change. he does it because he loves his son, yeah ok

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/08/2011 21:51

Glad to hear you are planning your exit

FabbyChic · 15/08/2011 21:57

Your pattern is a bully, he treats his son no doubt how he was treated I'd not rely on his parents for support. I'd certainly never leave him alone with him.

FabbyChic · 15/08/2011 21:57

Pattern means partner sorry.

GypsyMoth · 15/08/2011 22:02

well get some evidence....he could have contact with his son,no problem,then do this on his own unhindered.

Original poster
itwasthat · 15/08/2011 22:09

thanks for your comments appreciate you taking the time, i will certainly be getting on with this for sure

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 15/08/2011 22:39

african?

what? I mean - what?

South african? Kenyan? Moroccan? Egyptian? Algerian? Libyan?

Sorry, but saying that someone holds their child down to sleep because they are 'African' and therefore have a particular parenting style is the daftest thing I have ever read.

Don't make excuses. Even ridiculous ones. Pinning a child to their bed is unacceptable. Please do not attempt to justify it to yourself by suggesting it is somehow something to do with the extremely culturally diverse continent he is from.

And my 'African' (Kenyan) husband agrees.

Deal with the behaviour. It is totally inappropriate. Don't bother looking for 'reasons'.

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 15/08/2011 22:48

Don't be too harsh on the OP - I know what she means even if she could have maybe put it better. I have many Ghanaian friends and almost all of the men DO have very old fashioned and strict parenting styles. One family I know even suffered the sadness of a break up and the child (teenager) no longer wishing to have contact with her Father because of it. It happens.

GypsyMoth · 15/08/2011 23:06

my neighbours are ugandan......the dad is such a soft touch! no idea behind closed doors but the daft man was out skateboarding last night,his wife had to come out and call him in for his tea!

WannabeaShootingStar · 15/08/2011 23:16

I once read a thread about a mum who strapped her baby to a cot to stop it standing up when it was trying to get to sleep. This is abuse! What he is doing is abuse! Why can't he cuddle him to sleep like everyone else, babies need love.

confidence · 16/08/2011 00:11

Leaving aside for a moment the unpleasantness of it...

How can that possibly WORK? Surely if a child is agitated and doesn't feel like going to sleep, holding it down and stopping it from moving will only make it MORE agitated, escalating the problem?

I'd be interested to hear if your husband has ever succeeded in getting the child to sleep this way in any kind of reasonable timescale. It would seem like a miracle to me if he had.

Original poster
itwasthat · 16/08/2011 00:30

yes my dh would look cute and daft to anyone too, dont be fooled. and anyone with half a brain would wonder why on earth? and to answer confidence, the child has cried a lot sometimes because he is being made to go to bed, and it could be late, say 9pm. but of course he will eventually tire himself out. now i know when dh got him to sleep (not often i might add) he was being held down as a method to stop him wriggling. this man will not be doing this to my son again.

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