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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I doing the right thing?

10 replies

Canistaysane · 13/08/2011 15:51

My mum met this bloke about 16 years ago and they have lived together since then, more or less.( my dad died 17 years ago). anyway, this bloke, we'll call him my "stepdad"( just to make things easier), is a right moody sod. He is the sort of person who is your friend one minute and then gets a mood on the next. I have had to put up with this on off behavior for the last 16 years and it's really doing my head in now. He was in a mood with us last weekend because we went to visit dh family 280 miles away and while we were there we didn't visit my "stepdads" daughter. Yes you read that right his daughter who is no relation of mine as they are not married.
Anyway I really feel like I can't cope with him and his behavior any more.
would I be doing the right thing if I tried to cut him out of my life?
I know it might make things difficult when I wanted to see mum, but I can at the moment see her when he is at work.

WWYDO?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/08/2011 15:54

What the hell has it got to do with him, who you visit?

I wouldn't cut him out as such, as it will make your relationship with your mum much more difficult. I would avoid seeing him, though.

You should challenge his moods, too. "Hi MrPig, what's up, in a mood again? What's happened this time?"

By the way, when was the last time he travelled to see his daughter?

Original poster
Canistaysane · 13/08/2011 15:57

I think he went to see her last year, they are supposed to be visiting her again next month.

OP posts:
buzzsore · 13/08/2011 16:10

If I were you, I think I'd just put up with him for my mum's sake, tbh.

pickgo · 13/08/2011 16:22

yes avoid him when you can. Put up with him for your mum's sake when you can't avoid him. And be assertive and a bit moody with him yourself when he pushes it too far!
Your poor mum Sad

Original poster
Canistaysane · 13/08/2011 16:23

Mum and him came to visit this afternoon. I couldn't face him, he makes me feel ill. I went and hanged out the washing when they first turned up, then I went upstairs. I just couldn't face being in the same room as him. I know that's not really fair on my mum as she hasn't done anything wrong. and I still want to see her it's just I can't put up with him at the mo.

OP posts:
buzzsore · 13/08/2011 16:36

Oh dear Sad. Try and arrange to see your mum on your own then: window shopping and coffee, chick flick at the cinema, girly night in? And be 'just going out' if they drop round together unexpectedly?

Does she know you find him difficult?

Original poster
Canistaysane · 13/08/2011 16:49

I'm hoping she realised why I wasn't about. but I think I might have to phone her on monday night for a chat.

OP posts:
buzzsore · 13/08/2011 17:00

Go carefully and use as neutral language as you can rather than blaming him or telling her what an asshole he is Grin - 'personality clash' and wanting quality time with her?

Original poster
Canistaysane · 13/08/2011 17:20

Thanks everyone, I needed to get it all out of my system, I'm feeling a little better now.

OP posts:
joblot · 13/08/2011 17:31

I have problems with my 'step' mother, who is very hard to be around. Her and my dad seem, infact are, unhappy together and its horrible to be around.
The solution for me is to minimize how Much I see her and see my dad alone as far as I can. I know she doesn't IME certain activities so I arrange to do them to deter her.
It is a difficult one, but I reckon lifes too short to spend feuding

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